Happily, there is one place that has rolled out the welcome mat for us: the Principality of Liechtenstein! Sandwiched between Austria and Switzerland, Liechtenstein, a nation of 34,000, has made it clear that the whole country is for sale. Not content simply to rule one of the world capitals of money laundering, Prince Hans-Adam II threatened to sell the whole nation to Bill Gates and rename it Microsoft unless the people voted to give him more political power (including the rights to dissolve the government and be immune to the constitutional court). Though he later claimed to be kidding about that, he did seriously contemplate moving to Austria and taking his billions with him if the referendum failed. Liechtensteiners did the right thing by approving the referendum, and now the prince is there to stay, even if democracy is not. This kind of deference to moneyed interests ought to appeal to Columbia as it seeks to build a new campus.

While the chance to purchase Liechtenstein outright has now passed, the prince has made it available as a rental property for the past few years. The nation won the 2003 Ig Nobel award for economics (a Nobel prize parody distributed at Harvard by real Nobel laureates) because of the innovative idea of “making it possible to rent the entire country for corporate events, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and other gatherings.” (Just pop over to rentavillage.com or xnet.lit to read all about it.)

The gist of the deal is as follows: 100 to 1,200 people from an organization chip in $320 to $500 per day in exchange for the entire nation, including restaurants, sports arenas, museums, and even the prince’s private wine cellar (prince not included – only hoi polloi are part of the deal). Streets and plazas can be renamed, and your corporate logo can be branded into the snow on mountainsides. The symbolic key to the Principality is handed over as well. As the Xnet Web site says, “Suddenly, the company’s philosophy comes alive, and the emotion really tears … Everyone will fall under your spell. Your project is our challenge – you will be surprised.”

Hyundai and Siemens have been happy customers, and there’s no reason why Columbia can’t be, too. Just think: we could solve all of our expansion needs by renting Liechtenstein for half the year. Three hundred twenty dollars per day for 24 weeks isn’t even much higher than current tuition levels anyway. With 160 square kilometers (roughly the size of Washington, D.C.) there would be plenty of room to build all of those swanky Renzo Piano buildings. Plus, renters are allowed to introduce a new form of currency, so we could finally live in an all-Flex Dollar economy. And since Liechtenstein is one of only two doubly landlocked countries in the world, we could finally get rid of that pesky swim test.

OK, so some Liechtensteiners are not too enthusiastic about the plan. The New York Times quotes one pro-democracy campaigner as stating, “I’m not for lease!” on his radio program. Since Liechtensteiners are mostly wealthy Caucasians, PrezBo would probably worry about quite the outcry if Columbia tried to turn everyone into poorly paid janitors and cafeteria workers. We can’t simply seize Liechtenstein for free through eminent domain, either. Perhaps we should stick to Manhattanville for expansion; after all, it’s always simpler to take advantage of those who are already at the margins of society.