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How I Kept Warm at Columbia: Revised
Andre Gorelkin, Alum
School of General Studies 2003


As I put myself through Columbia via loans, work, and other forms of "creative financing,"* I had relatively limited resources with which to keep myself warm during the long, cold, and dark winter nights. However, I did have the good fortune to discover two devices which proved most useful in limiting the need for medical attention due to hypothermia and frost bite (though they did not eradicate these needs all together).

First, I was quite lucky to have found a warm grate on which to sleep in a treacherously accessed alley just east of Morningside Park. Though I did have to defend my ownership of this little slice of warm heaven on several occasions, and though such defenses often resulted in cuts and abrasions from objects of questionable hygienic pedigree, I have yet to test positive for any dread diseases.

The second item on which I depended greatly was whiskey. Lots of whiskey. Additionally, this device was also most useful in cleansing the wounds I received from defending my grate.

Though my Columbia education was financially draining (and will continue to be so for the next thirty years at a more than reasonable rate of 3.25% annually), I am forever grateful for the experiences the school afforded me both in the classroom, and on the streets.

* Though the use of the term "creative financing," in this context, may refer to various ethically questionable and quasi-legal activities, its use at this time is in no way an admission of guilt to any possible such activities alleged in any ongoing or pending legal matters.

Editor's Note: My Columbia cannot attest to this story's veracity.

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