Critical Praise for A Return to Modesty

published by The Free Press

• "[An] ambitious, sprawling, argumentative, and, yes, immodest proposal to restore romance, Eros, and long-term love to her contemporaries' sadly neglected hope chests.... With a middle-aged suspicion of partisan labels and a daughter college-bound, I find I like Wendy Shalit very much, both as a writer and, even more, as a fierce defender of young women's right to establish boundaries of their own.... She is an omnivorous reader. (Shulamith Firestone, the early 1970s feminist, sits next to Gustave Flaubert in the book's bibliography, which also cites 17th century etiquette books and contemporary academic journals.) And she's willing to make fun of herself." --Ariel Swartley, L.A. Weekly
• "Her book has touched a nerve in a society overdosed on sex and emerging from a most immodest year of sexual scandal. Shalit defends... compellingly, shame, privacy, gallantry and sexual reticence...." --Tamala M. Edwards, Time
• "Shalit assails a culture in which `scoring' is a virtue, but acting like ladies and gentlemen is not. Old-fashioned? Perhaps. Persuasive? Absolutely. While Shalit's description of our culture is accurate and depressing, what makes her book so powerful is her understanding of who is at fault.... Girls technically control their bodies... but they have lost leverage over their future. Sexual license is not liberating for most girls but the road to repeated heartbreak.... Her book is a heartfelt plea to bring back embarrassment and restore a moral vocabulary to the sex act. It is also a cry for help on behalf of her sisters who are being victimized by our sex-saturated culture, but lack the self-respect and self-awareness to know it." --Andrea Neal, The Indianapolis Star
• "The book of the moment... makes a compelling case for the idea that the sexual revolution hasn't been entirely good for either women or men.... The obvious criticism of this book is that, by returning to the sexual modesty of a previous era, we will somehow return entirely to that era and lost the hard-fought and constructive gains of feminism. But it's a stretch to suggest that a return to sexual modesty will, for instance, undo women's gains in the working world. Meanwhile, social workers, health professionals and others who bemoan the loss of 'boundaries' in the lives of troubled young girls will find a hopeful message in this book." --Shari Roan, Los Angeles Times
• "Ms. Shalit marshals impressive evidence from philosophers as well as the tabloids to make her case for a return to modesty-as both as sexual ideal and a strategy for greater pleasure.... [a] serious yet bouncy study.... Hers will be one of the strongest voices in the struggle ahead." --Ruth R. Wisse, The Wall Streel Journal, January 7, 1999, Section A; Page 8, Column 5
• "A Return to Modesty is... so uncompromising in voice and stance that one is tempted to think of its author as Simone de Shalit or Wendy Wollstonecraft, but make no mistake: she imitates nothing and no one... Every page of this book [is] wise, fresh.. and -funny. sparkling with [a] special brand of astringent charm. If she can write like this at 23, her future output can only be contemplated with pure joy." --Florence King, National Review
• "[An] important book that every thinking young woman (and her mother) should read." --Maggie Gallagher, The New York Post
• "[Shalit is] a prodigy at cracking the codes of culture .... Katie Couric with Edith Wharton's mind [Her book is] a call for women to wield their potential power to transform society--socializing men by teaching them real manliness...." --George F. Will, Newsweek
• "Shalit is a fiercely intelligent and resourceful critic.... [Her] book. is important for two reasons. First, she offers her report from the frontlines of a culture that few older adults understand or recognize, Baby Boom parents who cheered the sexual revolution can now contemplate its impact on their daughters. Second, she is one of a small but growing band of twenty-something women writers who are disenchanted with the sexual revolution. Like the young political dissidents of the sixties, these cultural dissidents of the nineties are bent on telling the grownups where they went wrong. We should all pay heed." --Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Commonweal
• "[An] earnest and serious book... A fascinating subject [brought] to our attention in a fresh way." --Suzanne Fields, The Washington Times
• "Despite its modest title, this book is a bombshell. In a manner both courageous and passionate, Wendy Shalit challenges the bored, desensitized masses of American women to use their female intuition in finding a way out of the emotional wilderness created by the sexual revolution.... This is a handbook for the counterrevolution, and every woman who wants to be herself again needs to get her hands on it.... Her playful, engaging exploration of the richly nuanced concept of modesty is extensively researched and amply supported by evidence drawn from sources as diverse as Glamour and last millennium's Talmud.... Shalit has hit upon the most exciting truth to come out of the whole sexual revolution: 'Modesty is the proof that morality is sexy.'" --Sarah E. Hinlicky, First Things, March 1999, pp. 43-46.
• "With clear and compelling discourse that quotes Cosmo and the great philosophers, Shalit outlines our cultural malady and her prescription for recovery." --Kristen Blair, Human Events
• "A powerful and witty book that registers all the changes in our social landscape in all their starkness while also illuminating many of the steps that brought us to where we are.... In part an examination of the pathologies that have resulted from the relentless sexualization of the world of young people, A Return to Modesty seeks to reclaim what has been forgotten: that sex is significant.... There can be no doubt that, partly with the aid of expert testimony from earlier and more decorous ages, but mostly through her own preternaturally sharp eyes and mind, Shalit has seen deeply into female nature, and into the malaise of a generation." --Elizabeth Powers, Commentary
• "Wendy Shalit... has hit a chord with her book, A Return to Modesty, in which she urges women to play harder to get." --Entertainment Weekly
• "[Shalit] writes well, has read widely, has a keen sense for the fault lines in an argument, and is willing to buck the prevailing tides. Although this is in some respects a young woman's book written for other young women, I wonder if we ought not be recommending it to young men. They might learn from it some important lessons about masculine character and conduct in our culture...." --Gilbert Meilaender, The Christian Century
• "A Return to Modesty provides one invaluable service. There is a growing body of scholarly research on young adulthood that may, in the aftermath of Shalit's booming polemic., be more difficult to ignore." --Emily Eakin, The New York Times Book Review March 7, 1999, Page 17
• "[Shalit is] outspoken, funny, very bright.... Her book is a delight, if for no other reason than that one can laugh as she devastates the conventional "sexual revolution" wisdom about the genders.... [Today] women are... free to be exploited by men who argue that a woman's resistance to casual sex is a hang-up. Liberation this is not. Whether Wendy Shalit represents a new wave of `fourth generation' feminism remains to be seen. However, because she is clever, unafraid, and outspoken, her voice is going to be heard for a long time..." --Andrew M. Greeley, Florida Port St. Lucie News
• "The first book of its kind... to blaze down the center of the postfeminist battleground between left and right... [At], least Shalit is offering us a course of action that we can try, which is more than we can say for the bulk of her carping peers...." --Norah Vincent, Salon
• "Wendy Shalit has found the courage to question pretty, much everything... argues with considerable learning and terrific passion.... Her book, A Return to Modesty, begins modestly enough by putting the dating and sexual etiquette of her generation under a microscope. Analyzing "hooking up," she wonders how this casual, no-strings-attached sex is supposed to benefit or satisfy women." --Mona Charen, Rocky Mountain News
• "There is truth in her perception of a collective yearning for bygone values." --Anne Stephenson, Arizona Republic
• "Shalit, 23... has been labeled as brilliant by the cognoscenti of the intellectual world.... In her new book, A Return to Modesty, she writes that suppression of the classical virtue of modesty has resulted in a loss of respect for women." --Cassandra West, Chicago Tribune
• "[I]n the age of Jerry Springer, a plea for modesty can't be that bad. Shalit is right, I think, that sex loses much spice when nothing is left to the imagination... She's right that a view of sex as "no big deal" may lead people to be blindsided by its emotional consequences." --Cathy Young, Long Island Newsday
• "A heartfelt (and controversial) plea. insisting that the power to heal the American female's ills lies in the reinstatement of sexual restraint, resurrection of romantic ideals, and simple good manners... A daring book aimed at the core of contemporary gender theory... The message of this book is rarely heard, it is audacious, and it should not be dismissed. " --Kirkus
• "Intriguing... [Shalit] writes about... how pulling back has a deep erotic component, how not going through with something can leave a deeper imprint on your imagination than going through with it, and how we have lost the playfulness and mystery of old-fashioned courtship...." --Katie Roiphe, Harper's Bazaar
• " Wise...." --Don Feder, Boston Herald
• "Because she believes women would rather be respected than used, Shalit appeals for an end to exhibitionism and one-night stands and intelligently promotes modesty in dress, etiquette, and morals as a means to a happier and more erotic life for women. Well organized, briskly written advocacy. " --Gilbert Taylor, Booklist
• "Impassioned" --Jae-Ha Kim, Chicago Sun-Times
• "Miss Shalit argues thoughtfully and with passion that feminine modesty was a femaleprotection device and that our relentless anti-modesty campaign has hurt women badly... but Miss Shalit (being a conservative and therefore a reformer and a progressive) wants to change things, and arrives with proposals in hand.... [She] deserves credit not only for an important piece of writing but for courage in the line of duty." --David Gelernter, The New York Post January, 21, 1999
• "A Return to Modesty" shows that its author has read, widely, on the sociology of sex. Her pages are sprinkled generously with famous names such as Havelock Ellis, Stendhal, Allan Bloom, Jung, Freud... Shalit believes that the display of nudity destroys women's erotic power.... A Return to Modesty is not a memoir, and Wendy Shalit avoids the embarrassing personal confessions in vogue at present. She tells us almost nothing of her own sexual experience. Is this 'pudeur'...?" --Dorothea Straus, The Baltimore Sun
• "I can scarcely do justice to this excellent book, which is all the more persuasive for having been written by an attractive, intelligent young woman.... This is a book that should be read by parents and young people alike-yes, boys, too. For if more girls are going to choose chastity then young men must learn to appreciate and respect such decisions." --R. S. McCain, New York Press
• "I really believe that kids are learning way too much about sex, way too soon.... Wendy Shalit insists... to not be modest about sex is to deny us the aphrodisiacal aspects of sex. I have found this to be quite true." --Marney Rich Keenan, Detroit News
• "When [Shalit] speaks of modesty, she talks about mystery, innocence and sexual reticence, about protecting romantic hope and vulnerability. It's a natural instinct, a lost idea---a virtue found in the Bible that has gone out of fashion, but, of late, finding new adherents. She explains that modesty comes from a sense of self-respect and confidence, qualities she exudes. She quotes David Hume, Rashi, Havelock Ellis, Jean-Jacques Rousseau,.... [and] many Jewish texts in discussing women's natural inclination toward modesty, and the freedom it affords them." --Sandee Brawarsky, Jewish Week
• "Excellent argument... A Return to Modesty deserves to be given to every young woman...." --Melinda Ledden Siolak, The Weekly Standard
• "In this slashing critique of 'the world of postmodem sexual morality,' A Return to Modesty surveys a cultural landscape in which people often select automobiles with more passion than lovers.... Written with sophistication, wit, and compassion that never becomes preachy, A Return to Modesty deserves recognition as an important reconsideration of the sexual revolution's aftermath." --Morgan N. Knull, Campus
• "A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue is strong evidence that the backlash against Monica Lewinsky will come, not from her elders, but from her youngers." --James P. Pinkerton, New York Newsday
• "A remarkably mature consideration of the history of manners between men and women and how feminism and the sexual revolution threw them all in a cocked hat.... Modesty and sexual shyness are a woman's way of telling the world that what she hides is worth waiting to see. That she is rare, not common.... Shalit gives voice to my gut feelings." --Susan Reimer, Baltimore Sun
• "Wendy Shalit makes a strong case that deserves respectful... attention." --Jonathan Yardley, Washington Post Bookworld
• " Then I realized how twisted I was. He has just said he'd had a good time with me and all I could think about was nookie. Why couldn't I appreciate him for appreciating me? Just because he wasn't rounding the bases superfast didn't mean he didn't want me. The new me was chaste and modest---a born-again virgin who went ice skating with her sweetheart and then home to bed. The new rne was Wendy, not Ally." --Amy Sohn, The New York Press
• "In this book Wendy Shalit brilliantly demonstrates how our views of natural modesty have been perverted by ideology. Shalit does not take a conservative point of view that rejects sexuality.. but tells how she and other women of her generation--the first to have sex education in elementary schools--tend to respond to the loss of innocence foisted upon them. Shalit does not make assertions but documents what she says by means of articles in popular and not-so-popular journals. in academic studies.. philosophy and history. Her book is a tour de force everyone should read and reflect upon. It is a return to first-rate sociology without jargon, an examination of the values of the culture at the end of our century." --Edith Kurzweil. Editor of Partisan Review and Author of Freudians and Feminists
• "Modesty, chastity, fidelity--Wendy Shalit's invocation of some old virtues is nothing less than a prescription for a new sexual revolution. Based upon her personal experiences as a young woman growing up in the '90s as well as her thoughtful reading of philosophy, this book will provoke and challenge liberals and conservatives alike. " --Gertrude Himmelfarb, Author of Marriage and Morals Among the Victorians
• "Surveying the scene of contemporary sexual mores, Wendy Shalit has the courage to announce the Emperor is naked. Written with style, passion.. and plenty of Wit., this volume will signal the beginning of a new trend, and make fashionable, once again, a moral vocabulary of sex that has been lost to us. " --Norman Lamm, President, Yeshiva University
• "I think modesty is a character trait, a virtue in any person. I disagree with Wendy Shalit's argument that modesty on the part of women is the key to a renewed respect between men and women; but I do so very much appreciate her concern with sexual violence and female degradation, and her advocacy of privacy and intimacy." --Andrea Dworkin, Author of Intercourse and Life and Death
• "Wise beyond her years, Wendy Shalit has written a poignant account of how America's daughter's have. been abandoned by the culture. She has gone further, providing a remedial guide for restoring the lost virtues of modesty, honor, and restraint. " --David Horowitz, Author of Radical Son and The Politics of Bad Faith
• "Wendy Shalit has written a book for all of us--feminists, antifeminists, conservatives, and liberals. By reclaiming modesty, Shalit argues, we might reclaim not only an overlooked but essential cornerstone of a good and stable life. but also a source of merriment and joy--the wellspring for a virtuous and secret eroticism that puts a twinkle in the eye., and shines rather than tarnishes the heart." --Robin West. Professor of Law, Georgetown University, and Author of Caring for Justice.