Some Gays and Lesbians Find Honesty Can be the Perfect Out

Some Gays and Lesbians Find Honesty Can be the Perfect Out

By Mary Brooks, Orlando Sentinel


Even with greater public awareness of gay and lesbian issues, many gay people still struggle with whether to admit their sexual orientation. For some the risk of harassment or losing loved ones, jobs, homes or children seems too great. Others find life in the closet suffocating.

"If the people you care about don't know the truth about who you are, it's as if the whole relationship is based on a lie," said Torie Osborn, lesbian activist and author of "Coming Home to America," due out in October.

Orlando lawyer Tom Dyer decided to come out because he was withdrawing from family and friends, afraid of prying questions.

"Lying . . . makes you feel dirty. You get sick of it after a while," said Dyer, who publishes the gay newspaper Watermark.

Michelangelo Signorile, author of "Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends and Coworkers," suggests the following to determine who is safe to tell:

Make a list of people close to you. Note what you could win and lose by telling each person, and what their reaction could be. Determine the importance of the relationship in your life. Can you live without the friend or relative if they reject you?

Brush up on gay and lesbian issues so you can answer loved ones' questions. Be sure there's time to talk and there are no work or family crises. Avoid coming out at family gatherings, which can be hectic and emotionally charged. Give friends books and the number for the support group Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Brace yourself for possible reactions and plan ahead for fallout.

THE PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS, Tuesday, August 20, 1996
400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA, 19101
(Fax 215-854-5691, print run 221,855)
(E-MAIL: dailynews.opinion@phillynews.com)

Reprinted from America Online without permission.


Community News -- October 1996