so
 

THE NEW YORK CLIPPER ALMANAC.
 

keep a stiff upper-lip.     We'll get out of this without
any trouble.   I'a'o been there before."

Tumblety retired to bed, but not to sleep. About
midnight "Bones" Thomas stole into his room,
touched him on the shoulder and whispered:

"Come, the coast is clear. Hist! don't make any
noise. The boys are all out, and I've come back for
you. There isn't a soul stirring in the house, and it
is as still as death.''

Tumblety obeyed mechanically. Bones had a strong
fish-line, Avhich he produced from his pocket, saying:

"Comes handy; 1 never travel without it. "

" Bones '' tied the cord to the handles of Tumblety's
• carpet-bag, and then, opening the window, he thrust
out his head and called:

" Whist!    Are you there, boys—is that you, Dan?"

"Yes," came back from below;  "drop her."

" Have you got it ?" asked Bones.

"Yes, all right!" Avas the reply.

" Carry your boots in your hand, and follow me,"
said Tliomas, setting the example and leading the
Avay in his stocking-feet. Down the stairs they tip¬
toed; and, just as they were about to emerge into the
gloom without, the landlord confronted them, Avith a
lantern in one hand and Tumblety's Avell-filled carpet¬
bag in the other.

"What in the devil does this mean ?" exclaimed
mine host.

It was an awkward predicament, and, left to him¬
self, Tumblety could not have given a satisfactory
reply to the landlord before daylight; but "Bones"
was equal to the occasion. Perhaps he had "been
there before." At any rate, it Avas arranged that the
manager Avas to leave his Avatcli and chain for security
for the board-bill, "Bones" cheerfully remarking, as
Tumblety reluctantly handed it over:

"We'll be able to send back and get it in a day or
tvA'o. I'm a local favorite in the next town; I hit 'em
hard the last time I was there."

Now that the landlord had Tumblety's valuable
watch in his pocket, he softened in his demeanor, and
at his suggestion "Bones "beat about the bushes,
found "the boys,'' explained the situation, and they
returned within to spend the balance of the night.

In the morning the hotelkeeper set a good break¬
fast before them, and advanced a sufficient sum to
carry them to the next toAvn; but the disgusted
manager had much rather have returned to his stall
in the market, but for the persuasive eloquence of
"Bones''Thomas and Old Dan Tucker, Avho agreed
that they had got "a dead sure thing on the next
town."

The first individual they met on their atrival in the
next toAvn Avas Ruby the agent, whose proboscis had
assumed, if possible, a more gloAving appearance than
ever.

" Come back to see you," remarked Ruby to the
manager, Avho believed him, and to "Bones," who Avas
too old a bird to be caught with any such chaff, for in
less than five minutes he had pumped out of the bar¬
keeper that Ruby had not been out of the town since
his arrival in it. When the manager learned this he
was Avroth, and counseled AA'ith "Bones,'' Avho ad¬
vised that they play that night and "return the next
day to reorganize."

Mr. Ruby Avas discharged then and there. There¬
upon he confidentially made knoAvn to all with Avhom
he came in contact that "Tumblety's Virginia Sere¬
naders" Avere nothing more or lesrs than a lot of
Catherine-market fishmen out on a lark, and that
there Avas not a man in the party who could tell where
Virginia was, or Avho Avas ever in the State.

It Avas a rough-and-ready croAvd that gathered at
the hall that night; but, as Mr. Ruby had made
liberal use of complimentaries during his sojourn in
toAvn, the attendance Avas goodly; yet the deadheads
outnumbered the paying patrons as ten to one.

When Smart, the middleman, called for the opening-
chorus from his ebony troubadors, there was an un¬
earthly response from the audience that drowned
their dulcet strains. The audience to a man were
provided Avith fish-horns, and amid the "toot-toot-
ting " there were cries of:

"F-i-s-h! fish! ! fish!!!"

Tumblety waited to see or hear no more, but down¬
stairs he Avent, and, striking into a run, made for the
railroad track, and folloAved it for as much as a mile.
 

Here, under a tree at the trackside, he sat down to
rest and ruminate. Looking down the road, he saw
springing from tie to tie Avhat he thought to be a
negro, but Avhat proA-ed to be none other than " Bones"
Thomas.

"Misery loA'es company," and after Thomas had
Avashed off the burnt-cork at a neighboring brook
they trudged on to the city together. When Tum¬
blety got to town his feet Avere blistered, but he forgot
all his pains when he came to smell the familiar odor
of the old fishstand again. In a little Avhile he was
able to redeem his Avatch and make up for the losses
of the minstrel tour, and to his dying day no one Avill
OA'er again talk him into " putting a party on the road."

Tumblety's Band had a brief existence, although
"Bones " to this day insists that, "if he could have
only held out one season, he Avould have killed them
dead the next." Tumblety derived one benefit by his
short career as a manager. He has never paid a dol¬
lar to see a show since, but has become a chronic
deadhead on the strength of being the manager of
"Tumblety's Virginia Serenaders."

-----------------►-♦♦k-^-----------------

THE   TIJS^'W   lVLJS.ins:TlIA.Ju.
 

MY   ONLY   COM IC   SONG.

WRITTEN FOR THE  NEW YORK CLIPPER ALMAKAO.

I learned a pretty bit of rhyme,

A roaring stave to sing;
I used to do it all the time —

'Twassucb a funny thing;
About a stumpy, cross-eyed maid—

A lover thin and long;
My friends laughed Avlien I sang and played

My Only Comic Song.

To make a most successful hit

I practiced night and day;
In many words of keenest Avit

I let my humor play;
1 bought a red and frowsy wig—

My A'oice Avas loud and strong—
And sang, as merry as a grig.

My Only Comic Song.

I had an object—this it Avas:

I loved; and, jest apart.
With this I thought to Avin my cause—

I hoped to reach her heart.
And so I planned a little ruse

(In love there is no Avrong),
By which I sought to introduce

My Only Comic Song.

One night she gave a party, and

I went, quite debonnaire ;
I had the thing completely planned—

I'd sing it then and there;
But, heavens! my rival, Charley Strout.

With voice like an old gong.
Hopped in before me and roared out

My Only Comic Song.

I will not tell exactly how

That fearful stroke' I bore;
But nevermore upon my brow

That frowsy Avig I Avore.
Nor sang again.   They married were,

And started for Hong Kong;
That was Avhat captivated her—

My Only Comic Song!                  J. H. B.