Laundry Morals... and Punishment!!!

by Timothy Szykula

Followers of the popular press at Columbia know that any writer who wants to get published either has to rant and rave about Columbia in general, or take a bigoted point of view. I am an optimistic, open minded guy, so it's tough f or me to find something to rip apart. Tonight, however, I faced a moral dilemma stemmed directly from man's irresponsibility.

It would aid you in knowing that I am writing this from atop a washer in the Carman laundry room. I am here to stand guard over my laundry as I wait for a dryer to open up. The problem, and hence question of ethics, is what to do abou t irresponsible people who have dry clothes sitting in a dryer that could be perfectly useful to someone with wet clothes sitting in a washer (namely, me). It's not my obligation to patiently wait until someone finishes writing a ten page paper to come an d pick up their dry clothes. The obligation lies with the clothes' owner. People who leave clothes in washers are only immune to scrutiny if all of the dryers are currently in use.

There simply isn't a legitimate excuse for not knowing exactly when your clothes will be ready. Anyone with a watch can tell you that the washers cycle for 22 minutes and the dryers give you 14 minutes per quarter.

Granted, a SEAS student like myself might have more accuracy in measuring times, but wouldn't go so far as to say that College students couldn't run a stopwatch.

With so many rules and procedures here on campus, perhaps leaving clothes in a dryer is a symbol of rebellion, a lashing out at the system without fear of punishment. Well, if the administration won't punish you, I will.

I waited the mandatory 15 minutes. Anyone can get tied up for 15 minutes. But when I came back downstairs and found the same clothes lounging in the same dryer, the grace period was over. I calmly opened the door and took the clothes out. After putting my wet clothes in the stolen dryer, I immediately fled the scene and reveled in my victory.

Returning a few minutes later, I realize that I am in the opposite position now. I have become my former enemy. If I were to leave now, and my dryer were to stop, another crafty freshman would toss my towels. So here I sit, The Sentin el of the Speed Queen. I must keep a sharp eye out for possible laundry rogues, and be ever aware of the status of my load. The sharp corner of this washer is causing my legs to fall asleep, but it's all worth it for the glory of dry clothes.

I can only hope that they will be dry after 42 minutes in the high performance Carman Laundry System.