pages tagged giving birth in beautyPhilowixianhttp://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/tags/giving_birth_in_beauty/Philowixianikiwiki2017-05-12T04:38:11ZKilmer B-sides: Buying a one-way ticket to the Mountain of Purgatoryhttp://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/phlog/2011/05/kilmer-b-sides-buying-one-way-ticket-to/2011-05-19T02:50:00Z2011-05-19T02:50:00Z
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Pride has always been my favourite sin. That would have been much to the chagrin of the Knox Presbyterian minister who was my grandfather, but then again presumably so would have been my having had a favourite sin at all. In any case, I'm not even going to apologize for having published my own poem in the Kilmer </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Surgam</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">, much less putting it online now. It was damn funny and you laughed your heads off at it. Plus Marcus Folch, one of our judges at this past contest, introduced me in December to a Classics graduate student by pointing out that damn could I ever write a bad poem. And so I can.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Philosophy Contemp’rary”</span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i>Or,</i> “The Catalogue of Shits”</span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">for Roland Theodore Smith III—</span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">by </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Gavin McGown</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">, CC’13</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I’m the luckiest lad on the planet, you know,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Since I’m leaving the bar with a new boy in tow.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">He’s a philosophy major! I managed to peek—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And some parts are the length of the First Critique.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And I think—as this twink starts to take me about—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Aristotle and I have to fight this fight out</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">For he says there’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">one</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> ultimate goal that you find</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But tonight there are </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">two</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> ends that </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">have in mind.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">[But, you see, there’s a problem: I aspire t’write poetry</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And not to divine a concept’s circuitry.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But surely by now has not philosophy</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Given up its polemics ‘gainst poets? We’ll see.]</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">When we get to my place and walk in the Adoorno</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">We talk: a pure mix of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">New Yorker</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> and porno.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“But sovereignty—deconstruction—Obama”—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Yeah, just like that, baby. Talk dirty to Mama.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But really quite fast something starts to go wrong</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And the Muse begins singing quite different a song</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">It was fine in the bar—and when we were walking—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But I want to fuck, and this boy </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">won’t stop talking</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">A gross fear of mine—on the damnedest occasion,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Have I seduced one of a postmodern persuasion?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Does he think that ‘desire’s a function of Law?’</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But, surely, e’en then, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">sex</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> just isn’t </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">bourgeois</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But he keeps muttering to me about Sartre and Lacan</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">While I’m trying to head for the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">enjambment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Yes, his speech is so fine, but his lips are so chewy—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And it’s just on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">my</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> John I’d like him to get Dewey.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And then—worst of all—he manages to thwart</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">My analytics of a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">posterior</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> sort:</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“It’s not about you—your ass drives me mental;</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">It’s just that my interests tend more cunt-inental.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“If I did it for you, then I’d do it for all!”</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I bit on the pillow and choked on my gall. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> You’d have thought that the gin would have managed to kill</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Inhibitions—but, nude, he’s a Kantian still!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Bullshit!” I swear. While I hope I’m not nosy,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">The delay’s just philosophers’ bias ‘gainst poesy.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And like Platonists when, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">contra</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> poets, they battle,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">The twink won’t give in, so now </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">start to prattle:</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I can see that of bawdy relations you’re skeptical</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Preferring to chat in ways pure dialectical.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And I do eschew the Symbolic; poetical</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Works are my job. Now, let’s get exegetical.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I promise you now I’m no bullish Aiacides</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Nor Athens’ demise, that slut Alcibiades.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Plato says, twixt our fields, there must be a dyad; he’s</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Wrong; if you like, we can make a hendiadys!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"And if you’re inventive and feel like chiasmus</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">As did, I am told, both Baudelaire and Erasmus</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Let me use my skills, find some friends who will lay</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Beside us, A-B-B-C-D-C-B-B-A!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Metonymically speaking, I beg you allow me</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">To of you ask your hand (no, wait, shit, that’s synecdoche)—</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Your bed then—or, come now, you big Morgenbesser,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">If the bed’s too passé, there’s always the dresser!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"But do you deliberate still on the praxis?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh, babe, let me show you a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">fine</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> ataraxis</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And lay us both down in our joy’s parataxis</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">With one on his knees and then one on his backses!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span">"I’ll be servant, your queen, and your beast—metaphorically—</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">If you’ll only start binding me up—categorically!</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Let’s change places: I’ll be </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Logico-Philosophicus</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">While you get philological down my esophagus—</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"Or where’er. This proof of compatibilism</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Is that, betwixt us, true, there need be no schism</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">While I scream aloud hordes of neologisms</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And call out the flood of your sweet syllogisms</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"Right to their conclusion—oh, what blissful poiesis</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">When you’ve made me your goal of considered </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">prohairesis</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And acted to me on the good of my guise</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">(Babe, ain’t nothing look bad when it’s between those thighs).</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"And when we’ve gone at it, and you’ve got your rooster on</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Turn around, and then we’ll be </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">proteron hysteron</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">!</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But for my submission I insist that you bend</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Just a bit, and, like Solon, I’ll 'look to the end.'</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">"So help me end the war: you, my </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">erastês</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Eromenos</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">, me, for the rest of our days,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Unite Philo and Poesy who’ve been locked in a fray</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">For so many millenia—so, what do you say?”</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">The circumlocuter stared at me dumbfounded</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">As if he were a mortar I’d just pestle-pounded;</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Then went back to the door and turned the (John) Locke</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And turned back to me, and got out his—</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And how’d it turn out?</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Well, I wake up in the morning feeling like Socratidion</span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Here actually should have listened to his … epipsychidion</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">; </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Next time I’ll find a </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">good</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> philosopher to waste my pity on;</span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Bright side: unlike</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Symposium</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">, least I was no small kiddy-on</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></p> <div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div>