pages tagged real nice civil liberties violationsPhilowixianhttp://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/tags/real_nice_civil_liberties_violations/Philowixianikiwiki2017-05-12T04:38:11ZKilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("Love Song for the Transportation Security Administration")http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/phlog/2011/01/kilmer-2010-dishonourable-mention-love_02/2011-01-03T03:18:00Z2011-01-03T03:18:00Z
<p><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Love Song for the Transportation Security Administration</span></span></b></p> <p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i>by</i> Joshua Schwartz</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></p> <p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Softly, like the lingering touches of a dream-love, </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Your not unwanted fingers slowly inch themselves past </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">My waistband, and haltingly down—</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span">Down—</span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">To the space reserved just for you (and, possibly, foreign weapon-grade material) </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Your fingers move in fits and starts; </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">What are you searching for down there? </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Is it my heart? Because that you already have. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I wore my sexiest pair of shapeless sweatpants for you—</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">No belts, no metal flies or buttons—</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I don’t want anything to impede our love. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">The other passengers in line look on impatiently, their breathing heavy. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">They cannot wait to have their turn, </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">To have their rendez-vous with romance, their date with destiny. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Long have I admired you from afar, you: </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">With your brilliant blue shirt and imperial attitude—</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">You love playing hard to get, and it just makes me want you more. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh, grope me, grope me, Mr. TSA Man! </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Make me a man with your invasive and unexpected touch. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I saw you giving me the once-over—now look me all over with your FULL BODY SCANNER. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I want you to see everything. I don’t want there to be secrets between us. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I am not hiding anything from you—just check. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">You asked me to step over to the side, and I was thrilled. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I knew you wanted some special alone time with me </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">(Tho’ I saw some dogs around here, and I don’t think I’d be into that). </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">What excuse did you use to make this happen? </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">The only weapon I was carrying was one that I cannot remove, if you know what I mean. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">When you told me, “I am going to put my hands down your pants,” I felt such a thrill. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Some people like courtship, but I like a man who cuts right to the chase. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I like a man who is bold, confident, and willing to touch hundreds of </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Varieties of genitals daily without blinking an eye. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh, please tell me mine are your favorites. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And to those critics out there who think this is a </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Gross violation of our civil liberties, </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I only have this to say: It works. It’s effective. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">He touched my genitals, and now I’m flying. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh, how I love you, Mr. TSA man. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">You with your dextrous fingers and complete disregard for basic privacy. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I want to kick off my laceless shoes and walk calmy but quickly... </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">All over, just speaking in firm but not extraneously loud tones </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Of our love. I know loving you is not duty-free, but I am willing </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">To live up to the responsibility.</span></span></p> <p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">————</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh. Oh no. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">They are moving me along. They are handing me back my things. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I thought we had reached that stage in the relationship </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">When I would leave my things with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">you</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">: my belt, a change of clothes, </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">My toothpaste. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">But no. And now you’re gone. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And all I can think is how to see you again. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">How to feel your latex-clad fingers all over my body.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I know: I’ll bring a bottle of wine and pack it in my bag for us to share. </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">And when the guards come to take me away ... to you, </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I’ll scream: No! </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">I’m not a terrorist. I’m just in love.</span></span></p><div><br /></div>