Article IV--Meetings and Procedures
1 the authority to call meetings is under full discretion of the Editor-in-Chief. The other members of the Executive Board may request the Editor-in-Chief call a meeting, but only if they ask, "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
Policies, plans, and decisions pertinent to the Jester shall be determined and governed by the aforementioned Executive Board. The majority vote wins. In case a decision is voted down, the member who suggested said decision shall then be made to go stand in the corner for a period not to exceed sixty (sixty) days.
The Executive Board of Jester reserves the right to taunt verbally random members of Modern Times who wander into the Jester office during meetings.
Article V--Ruminations on the Nature of Buddha
1. Does a Dog have Buddha Nature?
- The Executive Board will consist of representation from the Editorial Department, the Business Department, the Art Department, and sometimes "Y". The Editor-in-Chief will act as the Chairperson, -place, or -thing of the Board. The appointment of two Editors-in-Chief will be allowed only in the case of physically co-joined biological twins who share vital bodily organs. The Board shall consist of not more than ten (ten) members, except in the case of many pairs of physically co-joined biological twins, in which case the Board shall not consist of more than twenty (twenty) members. The Editor-in-Chief will be responsible for checking the validity of said physical conjunctions.
- The staff of Jester shall be comprised of those members not serving on the Executive Board. The staff shall be divided into the Editorial Department, the Art Department, and the Business Department. The Editorial Department shall be responsible for the content of the magazine; the Art Department shall be responsible for the art and layout of the magazine; and the Business Department shall be responsible for the financial and technical aspects of the magazine.
- The officers of the Jester shall be as follows: one (one) Editor-in-Chief; one (one), two (two), three (three), or four (four) Associate Editors; one (one) Art & Layout Editor; one (one) Associate Art Editor; one (one) Business Manager; one (one) Associate Business Manager; and one (one) Elvis Impersonator. The Executive Board shall consist of the Editor-in-Chief, all the Associate Editors, the Art & Layout Editor, and the Business Manager. Each member of the Board shall have one (one) vote whenever a vote is taken on the Executive Board. The Associate Art Editor, the Associate Business Manager, and the Elvis Impersonator may be included in Executive Board meetings but shall be given no vote. Any officer of the Jester may be removed by a three-fourths (three-fourths) majority vote of the Executive Board. The individual dismissed may appeal to the Director of the Union of Student Organizations, who may uphold or nullify the dismissal, depending on the size of the given bribe.
Article VII--There shall be no Article Vll (Vu)
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THE CONSTITUTION OF THE JESTER OF COLUMBIA
1. The full and official name of this publication shall be "Jester of Columbia", hereafter referred to as "the Jester" or, simply, "Jester." Its unofficial name shall be "The Best Goddamned Magazine in America."
The officers of the Jester shall make up the "Executive Board", hereafter referred to as "the Board."
- The purpose of this organization shall be to publish a magazine dealing with humorous events, activities, and topics capable of humorous treatment, by means of articles, stories, cartoons, photographs, or any other submissions the Executive Board wishes to publish.
- The Executive Board shall oversee the various aspects of organization and publication of the magazine, and be responsible for bringing the doughnuts and soda to the meetings.
- Article III--Membership
- Any regularly matriculated student in Columbia College, Barnard College, or the undergraduate division of the Columbia School of Engineering and Applied Science shall be eligible for Full Membership in the organization. Any regularly matriculated student in any other Columbia University division shall be eligible for Associate Membership in the organization. Admission to Full or Associate Member status shall be determined by the following criteria:
a propensity for rapacious wit, sage humor, and dripping sarcasm;
an affection for varied forms of comedy and humor;
an affection for varied forms of livestock;
an interest in foam packaging;
an inner reserve of quiet strength.
Should any or all of the above mentioned criteria not be demonstrated by any candidate seeking Full or Associate Membership, said criteria shall be waived and the candidate shall be given Membership anyway.
- Only Full Members may hold positions on the Executive Board.
- Membership may be granted and withheld solely by the Executive Board. The Editor-in-Chief holds the supreme power to retain or dismiss any regular member over the wishes of any other member of the Executive Board, but only for a really, really good reason.