Testosterone Weather Report volume 15 • issue 6 • The Man

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would like to take this moment to remind you of the much acclaimed, or rather, much watched, film "Just One of the Guys". Not jump starting any memories? How about this: chick in a towel on the video cover with two football helmets over her breasts? Ah yes, it all comes flooding back. As I remember, it is a coming of age movie, deeply moving, in which our protagonist Terry feels that her teachers do not take her seriously because she is a pretty girl. (Tough break, kid.) When she fails to win a journalism contest, Terry decide to take matters into her own hands, and see if it was he sex that cost her the contest.
 
No longer satisfied with being labeled as a member of "the weaker sex", I decided to see what it means to be a man.

Often times I've wondered, while sitting at a bar, minding my own buisness: what are men thinking when they attack you with unsolicited come-ons? Now I know. Nothing.  And it's great. I let out all of my tribal instincts. I became the hunter, out looking for young blood. While I sipped my gin & tonic at the bar, I interacted with 10 women ... for the sake of science, of course. I got 5 ignorances, 2 runaways, 3 grunts, and 1 male intervention. Result: The hotties want male me.

While on the street, I took the oppertunity to compliment the ass of one fine looking woman who walked my way. "Go to hell," she said.

Carried away by the moment, I retorted, "It's because I have a penis isn't it?"

"No." She Said. I couldn't believe it. Despite my macho antics, she would not be dissuaded. She wanted me. I toyed with the idea of following her into the subway, but decided my field work should not incluide hands-on research.

I had succeeded in dealing with members of the opposited sex, but now came the true test. Would my disguise hold up with my "peers"? Could young males sniff out a mole? I went to the gym.

I started out light, and hung out by the water cooler for a while before making the plunge to the weights. I was amidst a plethora of protuberances. I was beginning to sweat. These men were huge. I knew they coul smell fear, even over the exuding pheromones.

Realizing that with one false move, I would be road kill; I decided to play it cool. "Hey..." I slurred. "Hey," said the enormous man perspiring to my left. "Do you need a spotman?" I inquired. "You mean a spot?" "Yeah," I answered nervously, realizing that my blunder could mean I had blown my cover. To my surprise, he said, "Sure." Score.

As I sat there talking to my new friend Joe, I could not help staring at his enormous biceps. Despite my excellent disguise, I was still a woman underneath. When he finished his last rep, Joe informed me that he was going to hit the showers.

When he stood up, all I could think of was how close he was to me. Forgetting my research, I went for him. Suprisingly, he did not pull away. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying it. Knowing that if I continued at this pace I would be unmasked, and remembering that I was still in the very public gym, I quickly excused myslf and made a dash for the door. On my way out, I realized something. I'm hot as a man!

I'd like to take a minute here to reflect on my day in a man's world. When I set out on this venture, I did not know what was in store. I've always been of the school that says women and men should be equals.

Sure, there have been times that life just didn't seem fair. It's easy to blame these feelings on my gender. Sometimes I've found myself thhinking that if I were a man, things would  be different, and people would have to respect me. Then I would remind myself that that's just not true; men have it just as hard as we do.

After my little research project, I've realized that's crap. Being a man rules!

Perhaps this is not a universal truth. I'm sure that some men have not yet realized the benefits of their sex. However, I found my day as a man to be liberating. As a man, I can go up to women I don't know and speak my mind. As a man, I can make friends with my peers by slurring my speech and hitting on them. Even if I don't go home with everyone I meet, I know that I could, if I watned to.

Out of all this, I've learned something. I don't think the world is ready for manly me. If I were a man, what would everyone else do? There'd be no competition. Besides, how much action can one person get? I think, just to make things fun, I'm gonna stay myself.