I said in the last chapter
that the sea was rough in Bombay harbour, not an unusual thing in the Arabian
Sea in June and July. It had been choppy all the way from Aden. Almost
every passenger was sick; I alone was in perfect form, staying on deck
to see the stormy surge, and enjoying the splash of the waves. At breakfast
there would be just one or two people besides myself, eating their oatmeal
porridge from plates carefully held in their laps, lest the porridge itself
find its place there.
The outer storm was to me a
symbol of the inner. But even as the former left me unperturbed, I think
I can say the same thing about the latter. There was the trouble with the
caste that was to confront me. I have already adverted to my helplessness
in starting on my profession. And then, as I was a reformer, I was taxing
myself as to how best to begin certain reforms. But there was even more
in store for me than I knew.
My elder brother had come to
meet me at the dock. He had already made the acquaintance of Dr. Mehta
and his elder brother, and as Dr. Mehta insisted on putting me up at his
house, we went there. Thus the acquaintance begun in England continued
in India, and ripened into a permanent friendship between the two families.
I was pining to see my mother.
I did not know that she was no more in the flesh to receive me back into
her bosom. The sad news was now given me, and I underwent the usual ablution.
My brother had kept me ignorant of her death, which took place whilst I
was still in England. He wanted to spare me the blow in a foreign land.
The news, however, was none the less a severe shock to me. But I must not
dwell upon it. My grief was even greater than over my father's death. Most
of my cherished hopes were shattered. But I remember that I did not give
myself up to any wild expression of grief. I could even check the tears,
and took to life just as though nothing had happened.
Dr. Mehta introduced me to several
friends, one of them being his brother Shri Revashankar Jagjivan, with
whom there grew up a lifelong friendship. But the introduction that I need
particularly take note of was the one to the poet Raychand or Rajchandra,
the son-in-law of an elder brother of Dr. Mehta, and partner of the firm
of jewellers conducted in the name of Revashankar Jagjivan. He was not
above twenty-five then, but my first meeting with him convinced me that
he was a man of great character and learning. He was also known as a Shatavadhani
(one having the faculty of remembering or attending to a hundred things
simultaneously), and Dr. Mehta recommended me to see some of his memory
feats. I exhausted my vocabulary of all the European tongues I knew, and
asked the poet to repeat the words. He did so in the precise order in which
I had given them. I envied his gift without, however, coming under its
spell. The thing that did cast its spell over me I came to know afterwards.
This was his wide knowledge of the scriptures, his spotless character,
and his burning passion for self-realization. I saw later that this last
was the only thing for which he lived. The following lines of Muktanand
were always on his lips and engraved on the tablets of his heart:
I shall think myself blessed only when
I see Him
Raychandbhai's commercial transactions
covered hundreds of thousands. He was a connoisseur of pearls and diamonds.
No knotty business problem was too difficult for him. But all these things
were not the centre round which his life revolved. That centre was the
passion to see God face to face. Amongst the things on his business table
there were invariably to be found some religious book and his diary. The
moment he finished his business he opened the religious book or the diary.
Much of his published writings is a reproduction from this diary. The man
who immediately on finishing his talk about weighty business transactions,
began to write about the hidden things of the spirit, could evidently not
be a businessman at all, but a real seeker after Truth. And I saw him thus
absorbed in godly pursuits in the midst of business, not once or twice,
but very often. I never saw him lose his state of equipoise. There was
no business or other selfish tie that bound him to me, and yet I enjoyed
the closest association with him. I was but a briefless barrister then,
and yet whenever I saw him he would engage me in conversation of a seriously
religious nature. Though I was then groping, and could not be said to have
any serious interest in religious discussion, still I found his talk of
absorbing interest. I have since met many a religious leader or teacher.
I have tried to meet the heads of various faiths, and I must say that no
one else has ever made on me the impression that Raychandbhai did. His
words went straight home to me. His intellect compelled as great a regard
from me as his moral earnestness, and deep down in me was the conviction
that he would never willingly lead me astray, and would always confide
to me his innermost thoughts. In my moments of spiritual crisis, therefore,
he was my refuge.
in every one of my daily acts;
Verily He is the thread
which supports Muktanand's
And yet in spite of this regard
for him, I could not enthrone him in my heart as my Guru. The throne has
remained vacant and my search still continues.
I believe in the Hindu theory
of [the] Guru and his importance in spiritual realization. I think there
is a great deal of truth in the doctrine that true knowledge is impossible
without a Guru. An imperfect teacher may be tolerable in mundane matters,
but not in spiritual matters. Only a perfect gnani/1/
deserves to be enthroned as Guru. There must, therefore, be ceaseless striving
after perfection. For one gets the Guru that one deserves. Infinite striving
after perfection is one's right. It is its own reward. The rest is in the
hands of God.
Thus, though I could not place
Raychandbhai on the throne of my heart as Guru, we shall see how he was,
on many occasions, my guide and helper. Three moderns have left a deep
impress on my life, and captivated me: Raychandbhai by his living contact;
Tolstoy by his book, The Kingdom of God is Within You; and Ruskin
Unto this Last. But of these more in their proper place.
= = = = = = = = = = =
A knowing one, a seer.