Régime de vivre

I rise at eleven, I dine about two,
I get drunk before seven; and the next thing I do,
I send for my whore, when for fear of a clap,
I spend in her hand, and I spew in her lap.
Then we quarrel and scold, 'till I fall fast asleep,
When the bitch, growing bold, to my pocket does creep;
Then slyly she leaves me, and, to revenge the affront,
At once she bereaves me of money and cunt.
If by chance then I wake, hot-headed and drunk,
What a coil do I make for the loss of my punk!
I storm and I roar, and I fall in a rage,
And missing my whore, I bugger my page.
Then, crop-sick all morning, I rail at my men,
And in bed I lie yawning 'till eleven again.

This controversial poem is often attributed to Rochester. Its place in the Rochesterian canon is not uncontested however, and it has also been attributed to Rochester's friend, Charles Sackville, Earl of Dorset. The most recent editor of Rochester's, Harold Love, includes the poem in his edition of Rochester's poetry, and claims that even though it is not by Rochester himself, it is most likely a satire written on the life of Rochester, possibly written in collaboration by Rochester and his circle of coffee-house buddies.

Whosoever wrote this poem, the life it describes is clouded by fumes of alcohol, tobacco and sex.