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AD OF THE WEEK

Note: Wrestlers Will Not Actually Follow You Around

AD OF THE WEEK

Your Vote Matters -- To Advertisers

THE LATEST IN HUMAN OWNERSHIP
Hey Kids! You're Now Worth 15-20% More Than You Used To Be!
Advertising Age (April 26) reports that ads aimed at kids now cost as much as a fifth more than they did last year -- that's like buying five kids and getting a sixth free. And they're selling like hotcakes. Advertisers are spending more for ads on kids' TV shows because companies which sell DVDs, video games, and electronics are willing to pay more. So how are your feelings of self-worth? Have you forgotten about that girl or guy who dissed you, knowing that at least advertisers still want you (for your cash)?

VIRAL
Watch For Fun Things Which Just Happen To Have Toyotas In Them
Toyota will be spending $10 million on viral marketing over the next few months, July to September. (Advertising Age, May 3) Plans include stuff on the Internet and events. So watch for things which look fun and just happen to be full of Toyotas. You will be subliminally assured of their "style, sportiness and fun-to-drive performance."


THEY ACTUALLY SAID THIS
Diamonds Are For Girl Power?
The diamond industry, the folks what brought you the ads with the shadows wearing assloads of ice, have rolled out a new campaign. This one wants to convince you you should buy diamonds for you, rather than insisting your husband give you one. It's got this right-hand, left-hand theme. "Your left hand rocks the cradle. Your right hand rules the world." (Boys and women like me who just don't care about marriage: The left hand's the one you wear your wedding ring on. Yup.) "Your left hand wants to be held. Your right hand wants to be held high." Props to the graphic designers from this campaign for displaying right hands held directly over crotches. Still and all... masturbating with a diamond ring on? Ow! Pointy!
"The [campaign] is empowering to women," says Lowell Kwiat, the president of Kwiat, a jewelry manufacturer. "It was like smiling and saying 'Right on!'" More like smiling and saying "Gimme your life savings!" All total out-of-dateness ("right on!?") aside, I'd rather someone smiled and said "From now on, nobody's going to tell you you should go and have babies, and oh yeah, we're finally going to pay you as much as Jason over there, instead of giving you 60 cents for every dollar he makes." (Brandweek, April 19th)

N00 TACTICS
Self-Confidence: It's All About Beef!
Hey, girl! You're independent! You love your friends! Don't worry about being perfect! Spend some time with your family!
If the messages from Zip4Tweens seem kind of lame and pointless, it should come as no surprise. This whole site, which appears to be about girl empowerment, was sponsored by the beef industry to get young girls to eat more fatty, antibiotic-laden, cancer-causing beef. (Hey, girl! I guess your thoughts about going vegetarian have the meat industry shaking in their boots! Um, right... on!)Nice try, beefguys. But superficial babble about girl power and getting more iron does not a website make. There are a lot of product-shilling sites out there which pretend to be about spreading information and supporting you as an individual, but this one wins a special prize for its complete inability to make a good case for its connection between girl power and beef.

N00 TACTICS
Who Is More Tool, The Tool Or The Tool Who Markets The Tool?
Toyota gets more attention this week for a campaign which they say is trying to "reach 25-year-old people who are hip, on the edge and trendy." How do they intend to reach this audience? Running ads in music magazines? Product placement? No-- "forehead advertising." I'd never heard of this before, but Advertising Age (April 26) mentioned it as if it's been going on for years... "oh you betcha, my great-grandpappy was in forehead advertising during The War! Used to stand with a bunch of buddies and run ads for Burma Shave." They had "several dozen young adults... wear temporary forehead tattoos with one of three messages: Scion, tC, and $16,465 -- its suggested base price." These tools were then told to wander around Times Square for a while with tattoos on display. I don't know who to be more embarassed for -- the people they paid to do that, or the people who planned the campaign. Who knows if it worked. If it did, look for Pepsi-branded foreheads in your town soon.