Resolutions '06

This appears to be the time when everyone is writing lists of resolutions for the New Year. It seems to me that these resolutions always have something to do with diet or fitness, and usually culminate in twenty dollars wasted each month on an unused gym membership. I'm not of the dieting disposition, as you well may know, but I still have certain goals that I'd like to accomplish. So, here is my list of resolutions for the year 2006 (this is not counting the perpetual resolutions to eat more fruit, get a PhD, and floss).

1. Gain moderate familiarity with Perl and Lisp. (I am going to aim low on this one).

2. Learn to speak and write English more gooder. Seriously though, I always felt that an Engineering degree is not a sufficient excuse for atrocious grammar. And it has always been my fantasy to have impeccable English grammar. I just never had the time to work on it. So, this year, I resolve to make a significant improvement in my composition and rhetoric.

3. Spend more time listening to the classics, like Mozart, Mendelssohn, and Motorhead.

4. Improve my technical writing, mostly by decreasing the number of Monty Python references that creep up in my documentation. A lot of people were very confused by that "LTO robots are very much like a good shrubbery" bit in my last upgrade document.

5. Finally write that fan letter to Henry Rollins, telling him that even though listening to Black Flag usually gives me a headache, he is still extremely cool. Possibly send him some fruit.

6. Support the fascist Hallmark empire by promptly sending everyone cards for birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays.

7. Come to terms with the fact that the Dodgers are never coming back to Brooklyn. Just let it go. Also, finally quit harboring resentment for something that happened 23 years before I was born. Sniff.

8. And of course, spread good will and merriment wherever I go.

Hilarious Predictions from Blake Ross

I usually don't link to content that you should already be regularly reading on your own (like Slashdot and TPM), but I wanted to make sure that you didn't miss this post from Blake Ross on his predictions for the New Year. Very very amusing.

“Gore is a Democrat; democracy means freedom; freedom is a cornerstone of Google; and….look, draggable maps!”

Old Photos

I found some old photos at my mother's house, and am finally getting around to digitizing them. Below is a photograph from 1987, of my entire first grade, after we finished the school year. I am the second one from the right, in the front row. The "Little Octobrist" pin that I am wearing on my uniform is the main reason why I will never get a job with the National Security Agency.

It's interesting to note that almost everyone in that photo (including the teacher) is currently living in the United States or in Israel.

I am going to keep dropping photos into that directory as I scan and crop them, so feel free to check back if you are interested in that sort of nostalgia.

New Utrecht Cemetery

I really like cemeteries. Not so much the new shiny ones, but rather the really ancient and decrepit ones, where you can barely read the inscriptions on the crumbling tombstones.

As I was walking this morning, I saw a really beautiful old cemetery on 16th avenue, between 84th and 85th street in Dyker Heights, Brooklyn. The New Utrecht Cemetery is very small (only one city block wide) and sufficiently depressing in its attrition to provoke my interest. A lot of the intact tombstones dated back to the late 1880s, but since the area was fenced off, I couldn't get close enough to inspect them.

I had my camera with me, so I took a few pictures. Before you begin your critique, keep in mind that it was around 6:30am, and very very cold. I could hardly feel my fingers, and all I could think about was conserving enough energy to make it to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. So, I wasn't really concentrating on the shot.

I am going to try to find out if I can get in to take some more pictures. I expect that it is just a matter of weeks before some contractor convinces the local officials to let him tear it down and build a luxury condo in its place.

Holiday Break

As the holidays approach, I am going to embark on a short hiatus. Next week I will be off from school and work, and my contributions to your daily blogosphere will be sporadic, at best. I will return in full swing on January 2nd. (I will, however, be on campus all day on December 28th, if anybody wants to meet for lunch). I will try to have my phone with me, so if I don't respond to email in my usual instantaneous manner, feel free to call.

In the meantime, here are some things that you can do with the time you now spend reading this page:

- Learn a new programming language. During my time off, I will try to figure out how to do more things in Perl, and you should too. It will make you a better person, and much more attractive to the opposite sex.
- Catch up on your Douglas Adams. That way, when I return, we will have something to talk about.
- Reacquaint yourself with your parents/siblings/spouse/cat.
- Learn math. (There is strength in numbers).
- Send a letter to Brian Cashman and convince him to either trade or play Aaron Small. Support your argument with a comprehensive statistical analysis.
- Learn German. They have fantastic words, like Treppenwitz (which means, "clever remark that comes to mind when it is too late to utter it") and Schlimmbesserung (which means, "a so-called improvement that makes things worse.")
- Figure out a way to make friends and influence people without having to resort to bribery and blackmail.

These are just a few suggestions, (I feel bad leaving you hanging with diminished creative content for a few days) and it's certainly Ok to just take lots of naps and do nothing at all. Either way, I hope that you have a lot of fun and enjoy your holiday.

To improve a bad situation, tell a good story.

In a somewhat anticlimactic manner, the transit strike has ended. These past few days I got to spend a great deal of time with my colleague from the Engineering School, since we were stuck in traffic on the West Side Highway for many many many hours. It was actually a lot of fun, and we shared many great stories. I am sure that for the next several weeks I will inevitably nauseate a great deal of my friends by beginning most of my sentences with "well according to Tim..."

Tim works and teaches at the Engineering School. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about Columbia - the students, the administration, the politics, the alums, and so on. He has a PhD from the History department, and speaks English very well. He also knows a lot about an assorted array of other useful topics - where to eat in Park Slope, where to stay in Cambridge, where not to stay in Amsterdam, the fastest way to get to the Battery Tunnel, and how to make a citizen's arrest on the particularly annoying tourists in Manhattan, just to name a few. Tim is a good guy, and is extremely quotable!

For example - as I was telling him this morning about my graduate work, he said "if you write software that can teach kids Calculus, you won't need a PhD, you'll be able to retire right away!" I didn't realize that there was such a demand, but it's certainly an encouraging thought.

I am really willing to endure almost anything, as long as I get a few good stories out of it. So, in that respect, this agonizing week of transit hell wasn't so bad after all.

Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.

Bob Klapisch is projecting Damon in the leadoff spot next season. I like to stick it to Boston as much as any good New Yorker, and having their former hero leading the lineup would certainly do the trick. But I wonder if this is such a fantastic idea after all. Basically, the question is, how does Damon measure up to Jeter in the number one spot?

I am just looking at the very basic stats, for the last two seasons and for the career. It's a good comparison, I think, because they both played 11 seasons. I am not even considering park adjustment, even though that would prove my point even further. Take a look.

OBP	Jeter	Damon
2004	.352	.380
2005	.389	.366
career	.386	.353

Jeter and Damon are evenly matched. Jeter looks slightly better.

SLG	Jeter	Damon
2004	.471	.477
2005	.450	.439
career	.461	.431

Jeter and Damon are evenly matched. Jeter looks slightly better.

RC	Jeter	Damon
2004	103	113
2005	112	101
career	1079	944

Jeter and Damon are evenly matched. Jeter looks slightly better.

SB	Jeter	Damon
2004	23	19
2005	14	18
career	215	281

Jeter and Damon are evenly matched. Career SB% indicates the same thing - Damon's 78% to Jeter's 79%.

And just for fun...

Damon's HOF Monitor: Batting - 60.0 (292) (Likely HOFer > 100)
Jeter's HOF Monitor: Batting - 161.5 (62) (Likely HOFer > 100)

Granted, this is not a comprehensive analysis (although, if you adjust for Fenway, Jeter will come out looking even better). My conclusion is that Jeter should stay in the leadoff spot. Damon is a powerful addition to the lineup, but I wouldn't bat him first.

What's this I feel? A disturbance in the force?

After spending 3 hours in a car to which I am destined to return less than 12 hours from now, I finally got home. The part of the day that wasn't spent in transit was spent in meetings that were held in conference rooms with no wireless web access. So, I've pretty much been cut off from the informed world for a little over 12 hours.

When I checked my mail, I saw today's sitemeter report that indicated an unusually heavy amount of traffic from the Boston area. I knew right away what had happened. I really did. I hit ESPN just to confirm that, in fact, Boston's golden boy Johnny Damon came over to the dark side. Our side, that is.

I imagine the whole thing played out something like this...

Johnny Damon: I feel lost.
Scott Boras: Lost?
Johnny Damon: John Henry and the Nation don't trust me.
Scott Boras: They trust you with their lives.
Johnny Damon: Something's happening. I'm not the Sock I should be. I want more. But I know I shouldn't.

Later that afternoon...

Supreme Chancellor Steinbrenner: Be careful of the Red Sox, Johnny. Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Sock. Learn the Dark Side of the Force and you will save your career from certain death.
Johnny Damon: What did you say?
Supreme Chancellor Steinbrenner: Use my knowledge, I beg you.

And later that evening...

Terry Francona: It's over, Johnny! I have the high ground!
Johnny Damon: You underestimate my power!
Terry Francona: You were The Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy The Yankees, not join them! It was you who would bring balance to The Force, not leave it in Darkness!

I could keep with this for a long time, but I bet the lawyers over at LucasArts are already drafting their cease and desist letters. Anyway, this is a good deal for New York. And, it doesn't seem like such an outrageous contract, if you consider that it's pretty much the same as what Matsui is getting. Alex Belth has some more interesting analysis.

Now, if only the Mets would go on and sign Manny, we can be well on our way to another Subway World Series. And the angry Boston fans... that's just icing.

My First Perl Program

In college, we wrote all of our programs in Java. That's just what the Engineering School decided, and anyone who was an undergrad with me (1998-2002) had to learn Java programming. There was no other alternative, and this is still the curriculum today.

However, there was always that one jerk in our class who would write his homework in Perl. Much like mathematicians always talk about elegant proofs, in computer science we always talk about elegant code. (This is really a great annoyance for true engineers who just want the darn thing to compile and run). Perl is not particularly elegant, but is extremely practical and efficient. So, this Perl jerk would always submit code that was, on the average, about 90% shorter than everybody else's java code. The professor would chastise him for not following directions, but I know that he was secretly grateful to have one less hideously intricate homework to debug.

As I read Michael Schwern's manifesto - Why I am Not a Java Programmer - I experienced the following thread of thought:

- Where the hell do you get off!
- Ugh... "hello world" SHOULD be one statement.
- I am thirsty.
- If there's more to life than OO, I dare you to tell me what it is!
- Oh.
- Yea, you are right.
- I should really learn Perl. I'm such a dork.

So, with that, I decided to take just a little bit of time to write my first Perl program. (I should mention that next semester I am taking yet another class in Java Programming. Java is really good for the development of visual and interactive interfaces, which is what I need to do for my grad work. So, this is a total diversion, but it's a fun one at that).

Perl was originally designed for text processing, and that is the direction I took with my first attempt - I decided to write a simple (very simple) rhyming assistant. I used the scrabble dictionary file (TWL98) because it is more comprehensive than the built-in Unix dictionary. Here's the commented code.

#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use warnings;
# Dictionary file to use
my $file = '/lib/scrabble/TWL98-alpha.txt';
# Get match from command line or exit with explanation
my $match = shift @ARGV or die "$0 MATCH_STRING\n";
# Open the file, or exit with explanation
open ( my $FH, $file ) or die "Cannot open $file: $!\n";
# Read lines of the file into $line
while ( defined ( my $line = <$FH> ) ) {
# Strip trailing whitespace (\s) characters
$line =~ s/\s+$//;
#Print the line if the line ends in the string
#we're searching for. The match is case-insensitive
print "$line\n" if ( $line =~ /$match$/i );}
# Close the filehandle
close $FH;

Basically, the program takes input, and searches the dictionary file to find other words that end in the same string of letters as the input. (As you can see, I had to do some text manipulation on the dictionary file, but if you use the nicely formatted Unix dictionary, you can skip that part). Here is an example of how it runs.

During a "math songs" concert, Mr. Tom Lehrer said that he couldn't find any words to rhyme with algebra (thus, no songs about algebra), and issued a challenge for anyone to find a rhyme for it. So, I ran this rhyming assistant on the suffix "ebra" to see if I can get any matches:

$ ./dict.pl ebra
ALGEBRA
CEREBRA
PALPEBRA
VERTEBRA
ZEBRA

You can get more matches if you run it on "bra" instead of "ebra" as follows:

$ ./dict.pl bra
ABRACADABRA
ALGEBRA
BRA
CANDELABRA
CEREBRA
COBRA
DOBRA
LABRA
LIBRA
PALABRA
PALPEBRA
PENUMBRA
SABRA
UMBRA
VERTEBRA
ZEBRA

So, there you go - only 10 lines of code. Perl really is pretty neat (pun intended), and I'm well on my way to becoming a convert. But, I don't think that I am ready to abandon my Object Oriented ways just yet.

Class Schedule, Spring 06

I've been told that taking a class just because it fits into your schedule is a very undergrad sort of thing to do (like that semester sophomore year when I had to read that one-thousand page biography of Kissinger for some foreign affairs class that snuggly fit between Linear Algebra and Statistics). Nonetheless, I opted to take a seminar called "New Technologies for Learning" next semester, in addition to what I already registered for a few weeks ago. The description seemed relevant and interesting (famous last words), and it even fulfills some sort of requirement! So, here's what my class schedule will look like.

As for the workshops, I guess I'll go with the "3-D Modeling" one. Might as well. You never know when you'll need to render a trapezoid to get out of some jam.

Height of Efficiency

My carpool this morning was so amazingly efficient that I got here in about 35 minutes. The roads were completely clear, the West Side Highway was like a ghost town, and we sped all the way through. We did see a checkpoint at 96th street (and the resulting traffic), so if anybody thinks that they can get in with their 3 favorite blow-up dolls, you better come up with a plan B.

My pragmatic ride-share leader optimized our route so well, that the most traffic we encountered was that one block on 120th street, between Broadway and Amsterdam, as we tried to pull in to the Engineering School garage. This sort of sensible organization just warms my heart.

The Union That Cried Wolf

We have about four hours remaining to yet another TWU strike deadline. However, the hype seems to really have died down. I don't think people believe that there really will be a strike (fool me once, and such). I almost forgot myself, until my ride-share pal called to confirm our go-go-go plan for tomorrow morning (got my Starcraft playlist queued up already).

Whatever happens, somehow I doubt that total chaos will ensue (a sentiment that I supported and propagated on Thursday). I really think that the TWU seriously miscalculated their strategy on this one, and are about to get totally reamed by the MTA.

Patch Tuesday Issues

This month's Patch Tuesday didn't go as smoothly as I hoped. (For those who didn't sell their soul to the church of Microsoft System Administration - Patch Tuesday is the second Tuesday of every month, when Microsoft releases their critical system patches and we rush to update our servers before they get hax0red).

One of our w2k servers was not able to pull down the necessary security updates through Windows Update. I tried to troubleshoot by turning off the IPSec policy, and various firewall options, but it did not appear to be an access issue. The error code for the failure was: 0x80070057.

I called Microsoft, and we have been troubleshooting the issue for several days. (You should know that if you have a problem installing a security update, or any other critical update, Microsoft will troubleshoot the case for free). We ran through a bunch of these MSRPT reports and nothing seemed to really indicate the source of the problem. When I tried downloading the update manually, and installing it that way, I encountered no problems. So, clearly something was blocking the download, not the installation.

This morning, the Microsoft analyst that I was working with called to tell me that he escalated my case to the lead engineer of his group. We set up Netmeeting so that he could take a look at the server config. As soon as he logged in, he said "Oh you are running Microsoft Antispyware!!!" and I said, "why of course, kind sir, we don't want to get our asses hacked." He told me to turn it off, and try running the update again, and this time it worked.

I couldn't believe that Microsoft Antispyware was blocking Microsoft Windows Update - somehow, in its most default configuration, it was thinking that the security update was a virus! That's just asinine beyond comprehension. And I told the Microsoft guy exactly that. So he agreed to keep the case open, because something else must be going on that we haven't figured out yet, since this was not an issue on the other w2k servers (that also run Microsoft Antispyware with the same default config) which were able to download and install the updates without a glitch.

If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. If anybody is having similar issues, disable Microsoft Antispyware and see if that solves the problem. And, do try and avoid the brain aneurysm that might be caused due to the total absence of logic and common sense.

What's so unpleasant about being drunk? Just ask a glass of water.

My colleague gave me a bottle of Loosen Bros. Riesling for Christmas. We don't get too imaginative with gifts in our office, so you are pretty much always guaranteed a bottle of something alcoholic. It's better that way. Who needs another paperweight anyhow.

So, we cracked it open last weekend, and it was really quite good. I must say, however, that I know absolutely nothing about wine. I suppose that at one time I thought that being a wine expert was just the sort of sophisticated hobby that could propel me into contention for upper-class twit of the year. But, after sampling various lukewarm, bitter, and extremely overpriced bottles, I decided to give up in favor of the deliciously sweet and fruity blended concoctions (along the lines of margaritas and daiquiris).

Alcohol has several peculiar effects on me. The most amusing one is that, when I'm sufficiently drunk, I can be easily persuaded to sing in public. Granted, it's really not that difficult to get me to sing in public, even without having to resort to cocktails. But, when I'm a little bit tipsy, you can count on a most eccentric repertoire. In fact, I will gladly agree to sing anything ranging from an Italian aria to Prof. Siegel's "Modular Decomposition" song. In addition, alcohol makes me extremely good at chess and differential calculus. (Sadly, these particular effects do not extend into sobriety). Also, when sufficiently inebriated, that Monty Python "Mr. Hitler" sketch (No, no, nein, I was not head of Gestapo at all...I make joke) seems to be the most side-splittingly hilarious bit of comedy in the entire universe. Besides that, alcohol just makes me a little drowsy.

Anyway, this Riesling wine was very sweet (which might be a bad thing for the wine connoisseurs), so I certainly enjoyed it. It's actually a little bit like champagne - the scrumptious, cheap kind that tastes like spiked 7Up. According to the experts at wine.com, Riesling is best paired with foie gras. However, I can assure you that it goes just as well with cheetos and pepperoni pizza.

Helping you be clever...

Several people emailed me to mention that I forgot to post the answer to the filler riddle from Tuesday. It's an old joke that my high school History teacher used to tell over and over again.

The answer is: 9W
The question is: Do you spell your name with a "V" Herr Wagner? (Nein, W).

I was told that Microsoft and Accenture have been using this question during their job interviews. I think it's pretty cute.

Squirrel Collective Rips Apart Capitalist Dog

Sometimes I get really depressed and annoyed reading CNN, and the Times, and even the BBC. Last week was all about local news and the potential transit strike. So naturally, I'm quite bored.

Thankfully, I can always turn to Pravda for some cynically amusing journalism. Just to give you an idea of how bad things really are in Russia, Pravda has a "catastrophes" section, which is further subdivided into "man-caused tragedies" and "natural disasters." There is enough catastrophe related news to warrant an entirely separate category.

In my browsing, I came upon this article about an organized gang of vicious squirrels that ripped a dog to shreds at a park in the Far East region.

"This sounds nonsensical that squirrels attacked a stray dog and tore it to pieces. If this actually happened, the life of squirrels in the forest seems to be really hard this year. It is typical of squirrels to feed on nuts, seeds and mushrooms. And it is unlikely that squirrels have become so aggressive as a result of some mutation," Newsru quoted the expert as saying.

For some reason, this made me think of something the Soviet humorist Arkady Raikin used to say (my loose translation does a poor job replicating the play on words) - "when you are just dying to laugh, that is comedy; when you are laughing but are afraid of dying, that is satire."

Fun with Sitemeter

I just checked my sitemeter logs, and I saw a ridiculous amount of traffic coming from reddit.com. Apparently, my buddy at NYU submitted a link to this site, and a whole bunch of random people started showing up.

Knowing that people other than my friends/students/professors are reading this page really makes me wish that I had time to come up with more creative content. It also makes me extremely self-conscious about my atrocious grammar. (I'm going to try to find that Strunk and White book later today).

Sitemeter doesn't always provide accurate stats, but they are pretty decent considering that the service is free. One of the fun things that I like to do is see all the weird search phrases that lead people to this page. Here are a few that I haven't seen before:

- The search for "I hate Princeton" returns my site as the 10th hit. This is especially surprising since somebody actually wrote a book called "I Hate Princeton." This is also unfortunate, since my hatred is directed at the town (and at pretty much all of New Jersey) and not Princeton University (which I think is lovely).

- The search for "wise ass english quips" also returns this site as a hit, and refers to this post about Mr. Tom Lehrer.

- I am the number one hit for the "localadmin password hack" search, which refers to this post about trying to fix my terminal server after the registry got corrupted.

I was also curious to learn that there is a place called Paradise, PA. And, I get an average of 7 unique hits from there on any given weekday. It also seems that nobody from Chicago has ever come to this site, ever.

No adventure, just exhaustion

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.
-- Douglas Adams

According to the Times, the TWU will start a limited strike on bus lines later today, but won’t call for a city-wide strike until Tuesday at 12:01 am, at the earliest. So it looks like we’re okay until Tuesday morning.

Thanks to our ride-share web-app, I had a carpool planned with my colleague from the engineering school, a professor of Obstetrics from the Medical School, and a grad student from the Bio department. At 5am we touched base, and decided that since NY1 was reporting that the trains were running, we would just try to make it in on our own.

I'm pretty exhausted now. I wonder how much money the city lost due to diminished productivity in schools and offices across Manhattan. Probably a lot.

Useful Info For Columbia People

We here at CCIT wrote a really cool ride-share web application that lets you register as either a driver seeking passengers to create a carpool, or as a passenger seeking a carpool situation. This got sent out only to Columbia College and not the entire University (for reasons that escape me), but anybody that has a CUNIX account can log in (it uses WIND).

Please forward this on to your friends, colleagues, and professors. This application works on a principle that is most effective when used by a large group of people.

Sorry to exclude my non-NY and non-Columbia readers. We are all in insane contingency planning mode here... we are not even pretending to be productive anymore.

More Transit Strike Hype

The local newspapers were having a great time this morning writing these "everything you need to know to survive the transit strike" guides. I skimmed some of them during my commute, and would like to add a few suggestions that they forgot to mention. (This is not a joke, I'm offering a public service here).

• In New York City it is generally a bad idea to declare your stance on the following three issues: religion, politics, and baseball. So, opt for a plain black hat instead of your favorite Yankees ALCS championship cap. Leave behind the "Catholics Rule, Protestants Drool" sweatshirt, and the "Rudy for President" jacket. Your chances of getting a ride (and not getting stabbed) are significantly higher if you don't piss off your fellow citizens with your strong convictions.
• Ladies, don't dress like hoes. Gentlemen, don't dress like pimps.
• Remember that the rich people will most likely be staying at home in the event of a strike. They are rich, they can afford to. So, if a scruffy looking fellow in a beat up Chevy offers to get you across the Brooklyn Bridge - go! Don't try to hold out for the BMW or the Jag.
• Bring your digital camera, and take lots of pictures.
• And of course, don't forget your towel.

Up a hill, both ways...

As the city seems less and less likely to come to an agreement with the TWU, I am anticipating (with some trepidation) the adventure that this coming Friday might bring.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am looking forward to the transit strike, but I'm definitely excited about the stories that I'll be able to tell as a result. As much as I like to complain (particularly about the weather) I really do enjoy this whole "roughing it" element that is always associated with these types of situations. Whenever there is a disaster, some demented element of my personality switches on, and I just go all out to make it to my destination. The blackout of 2003 and the multiple snowstorms of the past few years are some good examples. When everybody else calls in a vacation day (puny weaklings) I find my jeans, a pair of sensible shoes, and several LLBean sweaters, and I'm ready to hike my way up the West Side Highway.

It's not that I want to walk 80 city blocks in freezing temperature, but when I do it, I have this tremendous sense of accomplishment, and a good reserve of bragging rights (even if nobody else made it in to partake in my glory).

So, I'm not sure what will happen on Friday (probably nothing, actually). But, if I can somehow get as far as 34th street on the west side, I'll definitely be able to walk the rest of the way to Columbia.

Don't Drop the Soap

According to the Associated Press, Sidney Ponson is scheduled to serve a short jail sentence for driving while impaired. However, he has not yet incurred any fines for being a fat bastard and posting a 6.21 ERA last season.

About Cars, My Crappy One in Particular

As the day of the MTA strike rapidly approaches, I thought that it might be prudent to check on my car and make sure that it still has some life left in it.

Those of you who don't know me personally probably aren't entirely aware of my hatred for automobiles. So, I will take a moment to give you a bit of a background. I never bothered to learn about cars, because I figured that they were just the sort of technology that would become obsolete in about 10-15 years. I dismissed cars in the same category as the audio cassette, the typewriter, and the DOS operating system. Thankfully, in New York City, one can get anywhere using only public transportation, and I enjoyed my car-free life tremendously.

This all changed when, after graduation, my employer shipped me off to the armpit of Western civilization that is New Jersey. In Jersey (even in a collegiate little town like Princeton) you can't get around without a car. Believe me, I tried. But after wasting hours waiting for the NJT trains that never come, and dodging insane motorists while walking down the side of a major highway to get to the grocery store, I conceded that I would need to get a car. I ended up purchasing a used 2000 Toyota Corolla, with surprisingly low mileage. It cost me 3,000 dollars, and I suppose that I really got my money's worth, because I beat up that car something awful. In a year, I put on 60,000 miles. I crashed it twice. I had to have the breaks replaced. And, after a weekend road trip to Boston, I had to have something important completely re-tuned (I am not sure what the actual technical term was - I just ended up paying the mechanic 200 bucks while enduring multiple looks of scorn from him and his staff).

When I finally quit my job and moved back to New York, I parked the car in my mom's driveway, and forgot about it. I literally forgot about it. It was standing there for a little over a year when my mom called to tell me that the car was making funny noises. It turns out that the battery died, and the alarm system started making a sort of "somebody put me out of my misery" whimpering sound. I guess that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that you can't just leave a car for a year without starting it up once in a while, and expect everything to be ok. I mean, I must've had this knowledge somewhere in my head, because when the mechanic explained to me the consequences of my stupidity (dead transmission, rusty breaks and gears, flat tires, etc.) I listened to him with perfect calm and comprehension. I had to agree that what he was saying made perfect sense.

I waited in the auto shop for about 5 hours while the full staff toiled to bring the car back to life. Periodically, one of them would come up to me and ask me (with an incredulous expression) whether I knew anything at all about cars, and I'd have to tell him that no, I really didn't. When they finally got it running again, they made me sit through a long lecture about proper car maintenance. They told me all about oil changes, tire rotations, antifreeze, and winter proofing. I nodded my head and promptly forgot everything they said five minutes later.

Which brings us to the present. This morning I did some research online and found this article that gives you a checklist of things to do to make sure that your car starts up in the winter. This other site gives an equally unintelligible checklist. Since I have no clue what a "serpentine engine belt" is, this weekend I am going to bring the car to the mechanic and tell him to do whatever it is that he does, and also not to rip me off too much.

Oh god, I hope the MTA doesn't strike.

Riddle

Another painfully busy day, and another filler:

The answer is 9W – what is the question?

Cheers!

Find me an e-find, Catch me an e-catch

I've known Rimma since the 4th grade, and we went to Bronx Science together. We kept up with each other through college, even though she decided to spend four years in the glacial boondocks of Albany. Then, after graduation, Rimma did a really weird thing - she moved to Boston! I still can't understand why anyone would do such a thing (unless they are a baseball player traded to the Red Sox, or a college professor with hopes of tenure at Harvard). Anyway, that's where she lives now (actually, she lives in Newton, which is like the Yonkers of Boston).

Basically, Rimma is looking for a boyfriend, or a date. I have a fairly wide readership in Boston, so I agreed to play e-matchmaker. I did warn her that most people who read my site from Boston actually despise me passionately for the truthful things I write about their beloved sports teams, but she didn't care. So, if you are eligible, ruggedly handsome, gainfully employed, have a brilliant mind and a sparkling personality, and yet for some reason continue to reside in the Boston area, get in touch and I will set you up.

Blogroll Addition

At the old w116th page I had a ridiculously long blogroll. Basically, I added anyone and everyone who ever linked to me, and it got out of control. So, when I re-did the page here, I decided to just limit my blogroll to the few sites that I frequent on a daily basis.

One of the pages that I've been reading with continuous interest is Baseball Desert. Iain is a really cool writer, who totally panders to my taste for the romantic and sentimental aspects of baseball. I have a lot of fun emailing with him and reading his articles. Plus, he always flatters me with complements.

I feel that is sufficient justification for one more link on the menu bar. (And, if I wasn't such an idiot with CSS, this edit would have taken me a tenth of a second).

Richard Pryor

Alex Belth does a roundup of the "in memoriam" sentiment for comedian Richard Pryor. The NY Times had a nice obituary as well. I don't have much else to add, except that I am always especially sad when funny people die.

My Grandparents

When my grandparents have company over, I like to come by for a visit and regale them with sentimentally poignant songs, thus bringing everyone there to tears. It's not difficult to come up with an effective repertoire - the "Sunrise, Sunset" song from "Fiddler on the Roof" always does the trick. So does pretty much anything that was popular in the Soviet Union in the 50s.

For as long as I can remember, my grandparents adhered to austere communist values, completely rejecting all the frivolous material clutter that dominates our contemporary lives. My grandfather was an engineer and my grandmother was an English teacher. In their retirement, they enjoy few hobbies. When he is not playing chess, my grandfather spends his time trying to prove that every celebrity, as well as every major political and sports figure of the past 50 years has a Jewish relative. My grandmother's pastimes consist of correcting my grammar, force-feeding anyone who comes to her house, and generally making fun of me and my friends.

I stopped over on Saturday afternoon to visit, and they had their friends over from the "old world" (but more recently, from Rego Park). I got to work with my songs, and soon enough, the box of tissues was being passed around. For a job well done, I got rewarded with a large plate of something delightfully greasy. That's when my grandparents told me that they are really tired of this frigid weather, and that this year for the holidays, they are planning to go on a Caribbean cruise. I couldn't resist, I really couldn't - so I immediately plugged my iPod into their speakers, and turned it up for "Hannukah in Santa Monica." They didn't share my enthusiasm for the song, and said that they couldn't really see what was so funny about it.

Since they wouldn't be cooking for us this year, I asked them for some of their recipes, so that I could try them out for the holidays. Before sending me home with a backpack full various meat-filled doughy products, my grandfather wrote down what he claimed to be their latkes recipe, but it really looked like some sort of incoherent combination of German, Russian, and JavaScript. I think that I will give it a shot this week, and if my cooking turns out to be really and truly terrible, that just might be enough to persuade my grandparents to abandon their newfound affinity for leisure, and stick around for the holidays. After all, the one thing that just isn't tolerated in my family is bad food.

So, that was pretty much it for Saturday.

Bunny Suicides

The death of small furry animals is no laughing matter. Oh, who am I kidding! It can be oh-so hilarious. Go check out this page of bunny suicides and have yourself a sick laugh. It's just like a Tom Lehrer song... only with bunnies, and it's not a song, and there are no clever rhymes. Well, maybe not JUST like a Tom Lehrer song. But if you are in the right frame of mind (aim for something in either the "overcaffeinated" or "blurry-eyed from playing Civ3 for six hours straight" category) it is side-splittingly funny. This is my favorite one.

Never Mind

Dear University of California,

I had a momentary lapse in judgement. Kindly disregard.

Love,
Irina

Lowe Library at noon, looking very pretty.

Cold and Slippery

Dear University of California at San Diego,

I totally changed my mind. Your graduate program is absolutely fantastic. I don't know what I was thinking before, but now I've come to my senses.

I'll see you soon.

Love,
Irina

Columbia campus this morning, covered in icky-sticky snow.

So Sori for the Nats

There is a fun and lively comments war going on over at Baseball Musings regarding the Soriano trade. I actually agree with Dave on this one, and I just had to chime in - seems like the Nats are really getting screwed with this trade, and the win shares stats prove that definitively.

I couldn't help but grin as I read Baseball Crank's comment that adding Soriano to the Washington lineup should save the Mets starting rotation about 10-20 pitches per year.

Hank Aaron and Paul Erdos

Jeremy, who is a high school physics teacher from the Sierra Leone, wrote to me with the correct answers to yesterday's little bit of trivia. He told me that he even shared it with his students, who rather enjoyed it. Iain Cash, who confessed to sharing my love for useless knowledge, also knew the right answer. (The rest of you who admitted to using wikipedia won't get any partial credit for honesty or for research).

Hank Aaron is jokingly said to have an Erdos number of 1, because both he and Paul Erdos autographed the same baseball when Emory University awarded them honorary degrees on the same day.

Those of you who think that looking up people's Erdos numbers is absolutely the dorkiest thing anyone could ever do, have obviously never heard of the "Kasparov number" or the "Morphy number". The Oracle of Baseball applies this idea to baseball players, and the ACM does it for theoretical computer science.

Are we having a good time yet?

Neil Gaiman: American Gods

If Douglas Adams had lived in the Midwest, was slightly depressed, and was best buddies with Joseph Campbell, he would have written "American Gods."

However, this task fell to transplanted Englishman, Neil Gaiman (of Sandman fame). I just got through "American Gods," and feel compelled to share a brief impression.

I must first say that these days I no longer expect to be surprised, or even entertained by current literature. Maybe it was the series of Dan Brown novels that crushed my hopeful anticipation, like a Mets home opener. Middlesex, while rather enjoyable, did little to undo the damage. Nonetheless, instead of waiting for Orson Scott Card to write another Ender's sequel, I continue to (somewhat pessimistically) grind through contemporary fiction.

I am glad that I finally decided to pick up "American Gods" - I was both entertained and surprised (not so much by the plot, but rather, by the language and skillful storytelling). Mr. Gaiman managed to paint a superb picture of that peculiar part of the country (between New York and San Francisco) that is completely foreign to me. His use of mythology was spectacular, and I felt like I was rediscovering a series of favorite tales as I uncovered each new character (human, or otherwise). I especially enjoyed the sinister jokes, the gory descriptions, and the erudite narrative. It's a very fast read, so definitely check it out.

Filler

I don't have much time to write today, so I'll just leave you with a bit of trivia to ponder: which hall of fame baseball player is said to have an Erdos number of one?

Wishful Thinking

The back page of today's NY Daily News had two very imaginative stories about Nomar and Manny. Next to a deer-in-the-headlights picture of Kaz Matsui, Adam Rubin speculates about a possible trade that would send Kaz far far away from Queens, thus freeing up enough cash for a Manny acquisition. Another bit of wishful thinking came from this article about Nomar begging the Yankees to let him play anywhere in NY - anywhere at all, really.

Registration

I finally got around to registering for next semester. So far, it's looking like this:

- Yet Another Class In Programming
- Yet Another Class In Programming Lab
- Discrete Mathematics
- TBD

I haven't decided yet what to do for the fourth class. I am thinking about either "Topical Seminar: Assessing the Impact of Technology in Schools" or "Cognitive Research Methods," which is taught by Prof. Black (who tells great stories about the army). Of course, I could always play it safe and go with "Advanced Topics in Algebra."

I usually try to go for a balanced mix of classes - something where I run my mouth and write a few papers, something where I sit in a corner with a pencil and solve some math problems, and something where I stay up all night debugging a runtime exception error.

I'm going to take the algebra class eventually anyway, but I haven't decided yet whether I'll leave it for the summer or fall, in favor of something else.

I don't know if I'm going to take any workshops this semester. There is something on 3-D modeling that looked interesting, but the Professor never got back to me with the syllabus, so I'll probably skip it. I also saw some stuff in the "boring-but-useful" category, like Perl or Database Design. If anybody heard of anything interesting, let me know.

I was told that The Manhattan School of Music (across the street) has a 4 day workshop on George Gershwin in February, but I can't even imagine what sort of favors I'd have to pull in order to get Columbia to let me register for it.

Hackity Hack Hack Hack

Today I spent the entire day hacking W2k Server. And I don't mean hacking in the figurative "configuring some services and installing some software" kind of sense, but rather, in the completely literal. While I'm still giddy with rage and triumph, I'm going to write down some of the things that I learned.

So, if you come to this page to partake in my delightfully elitist Ivy League banter, or to read some wonderful things that I have to say about Mr. Tom Lehrer, or just because you think that I'm very adorable, you are well advised to just skip this post and come back tomorrow. If you stay, the usual disclaimer applies: use this info only for good and not for evil, don't break into other people's systems, blah blah blah.

I know that cracking passwords on Windows is oh-so-1998, but sometimes you find yourself locked out of your own server, and you just have no choice. A quick set up: nobody could remember the localadmin password to the terminal server (or maybe the SAM registry file got corrupted, and took the password info along with it), and the server got kicked off the domain, so the domain admin account didn't work either. Here are a few useful hacks to deal with such a situation:

1. Install another instance of Windows Server on that same partition (you might as well - chances are, whatever mess got you to this point will require you to do this eventually anyway), without overwriting your original partition. Boot into the new installation, and browse to the old file system. Rename %\System32\LOGON.SCR to LOGON.SC1 and rename a copy of %\System32\cmd.exe to LOGON.SCR. Boot into the original installation and wait for the screensaver to kick in. When CMD launches in its place, use "net user administrator 123456" to reset the admin password. This hack won'’t work if you box is not configured with default screensaver settings. (Daniel Petri has more details here).

2. Creating a Linux boot disc is a very sophisticated and elegant hack. But frankly, who has that kind of patience. If you are desperate, go to this page to read up on it. It also has the files needed to make the boot disc. However, it hasn't been updated in a while, and might lack your particular scsi drivers. (I know that the page looks somewhat ghetto, but I can vouch for its credibility, and so can somebody over at Harvard IT).

3. I don't know if you can quite call this one a hack. It's really more like a moment of divine inspiration. If you've tried the above two methods and that login screen is still taunting you, try this: unplug all the network interfaces from the server, and log in using the domain account. If you are lucky, it will log you in using the cached profile (assuming you logged in at least once before). And, once you are in, you can reset the localadmin account, reconnect to the network, and rejoin the domain. (I am not sure why Windows is so asinine - this design defies logic).

If you are curious, all this nonsense started when I rebooted the terminal server this morning, for good measure (it was particularly sluggish this weekend). The OS never loaded, and the server kept power cycling with a “corrupt registry” error. (This technet article lists the steps to correct the registry hive for an XP installation - it's the same thing for w2k, only windows\ becomes winnt\). I booted up with the w2k disc, trying to get into the recovery console to restore the registry files from the repair directory, but– of course I couldn'’t, since the recovery console requires the localadmin password. A moment of silence, a deep breath, and I'm loading Windows 2003 onto that partition. The w2k file system remained intact, so when I finally got into 2003, I was able to restore the corrupt registry files from backup tapes, and the boot was successful. If you remember your localadmin password, you can use the admin console to get at the files in the repair directory, but they might be really old, and if you have backups, it'’s probably a good idea to pull those files down instead.

In retrospect, this was lots of fun. But, I wouldn't want to do it ever again.

Women and Technology: Problems and Solutions for Schools

This weekend I attended Prof. Howie Budin's workshop "Women and Technology: Problems and Solutions for Schools."

Generally, I try to avoid classes with "Women" in the title. I always get into a lot of trouble in courses like that, particularly because they are often full of insane militant feminists. I always end up saying "girl" instead of "female" - that always starts the trouble. And then I'll make a terrible comment like "well, men are just better at math, and women are better at sewing," and it just goes downhill from there. Of course, I say that just to be difficult with the difficult people. It's how I deal with idiocy from others, I suppose.

But, I decided to take this workshop because I really wanted to take a class (any class) with Prof. Budin (who insists on being called Howie - something I had a hard time doing, at first). Prof. Budin manages the Center for Technology and School Change at Teacher's College, and is really an expert educator, with years of experience in the New York City public school system. (I have taken classes from a lot of brilliant mathematicians and scientists who were really lacking as instructors, so I am always aware of the distinction between a professor and a teacher).

Prof. Budin, together with his colleague from the CTSC, Prof. Meier, conducted a fantastic workshop, expertly structured and extremely engaging. They provided an excellent and honest analysis of gender issues, as they apply to education, school curriculum, and scientific/technological progress. But besides gender issues (which obviously, we couldn't avoid due to the title of the class) we conducted a thorough examination of popular technologies (blogs, games, tech sites) and their impact on the classroom. We even had a brief, but lively discussion on the decline of literacy in the internet and email culture (a digression that I encouraged due to my own interest in that issue).

I was also lucky, because the class (about 20 people) was comprised of a diverse group of intelligent and fascinating individuals. The success of such an interactive workshop often depends on the interests and dexterity of the participants, and my experience this weekend was really enhanced by the other people in the room, who asked intelligent questions and interacted in professional and constructive discussions.

This is really the sort of class that you leave feeling especially smart and creative (much to the credit of the teachers). Besides that, I also left with a long list of books and papers that expound on the issues that were brought up peripherally in the discussions.

I highly recommend this workshop (as well as any opportunity to study with Prof. Budin and Prof. Meier) to anybody interested in any aspects of technology and school change.

First Snow

This morning, we had the first snowfall of the season in New York City. Ughhh. I suppose this sense of aversion is a sure sign that, at 25, I've finally reached maturity.

It seems that how you feel about snow is perfect indication of whether you've achieved adulthood. When you are a kid, and you see snow, you think about rolling around on the ground, skipping school, and injuring your friends with small, frozen projectiles. When you are an adult, you think about train delays, putting antifreeze in your car, and moving to California.

Need A Textbook

I need to borrow "Applied Combinatorics," fourth edition, by Alan Tucker. I need it by January, and will return it at the end of May.

If you have it, and can bear to part with it for a few months - please email me. I'll buy you lunch at the local establishment of your choice.

How Dell Screwed Me This Week

Right. So it's been a while, and I guess it's time for another one of these posts.

Let us review - several weeks ago, I had a hell of a time with the LTO Robot. A tape kept getting stuck in the drive, and after hours wasted on the phone with Dell, I ended up taking the robot apart to manually pull the tape out. This fixed the problem only for a few minutes, and as soon as I kicked off a new backup job, another tape got stuck in another drive. Basic troubleshooting logic (as well as a lack of consistency in the failures) told me that nothing was wrong with my tapes or my drives. Dell told me otherwise.

As a result, I ended up taking the 128T LTO down, and setting up a new 132T LTO (connected to the same Windows 2003 master/media server). This was a planned upgrade anyway, so no big deal, although I resented having to rush it like that.

Things were peachy for a few days, until, lo and behold, a tape got stuck in the new LTO, bringing down the drive! I called Dell right away. Surprisingly, I was connected to a very nice support rep who actually knew what he was talking about (and who spoke and enunciated very well - an invaluable trait considering that I was calling from the machine room, surrounded by the loud hum of a thousand servers). I had my tools with me, ready to do some major hardware work, when he informed me that this was a known issue with Dell LTO devices connected to Windows 2003 servers! The fix was a simple registry modification, terminating a Netbackup service.

I couldn't believe that this was a software problem, and I told him how frustrating it was that the three other Dell reps that I spoke to had me doing all sorts of ridiculous hardware hacks, instead of trying this simple fix first. His reply was (literally) that he has been "doing this for a while" and probably knows more than the other guys at Dell! I thought about writing an angry letter to the Columbia Dell rep, but instead decided to send a nice letter praising this particular support analyst who helped me fix the problem so easily. My friend calls this "channeling my positive energy" or some retarded crap like that.

Anyway, if you have a Dell LTO Device connected to a Windows 2003 Server, and your drives keep going down because tapes are getting stuck in them, put down the screwdriver, and read this for info on the registry changes that you need to make to fix the problem.

Disappointing

So, I was having another one of those day dreams...

I am sitting in a restaurant, having lunch with Sholom Aleichem. He looks really good, about 70, maybe. Definitely in great shape for a man who's been dead for almost 90 years.

So, we are having a really good time. We are in LeMonde, on Broadway, and I say something about how French food is good, but not that good, and he says something similar about the wine.

Then, just as he is about to lean over and tell me something hilarious, and just a little bit inappropriate