Some numbered lists

Folks, I don't have anything creative for you today. Sorry, but I hope you'll remember what I said about this being just a hobby. I'm busy. I have to program, I have to solve something (undoubtedly complex) with generating functions, I have to write another installment of the Asinine Beyond Comprehension Newsletter, I have to go down to the games lab and prove to everyone that the town hall rush is the ultimate AOK strategy. I mean, I have to do research. That's what one does in graduate school, I'm told. Research.

So, in the meantime, here are some numbered lists for you. People love numbered lists, and for good reason. They are oodles of fun. But for the sake of brevity (and also, because I have to run to another class in 15 minutes), I'll keep these down to 3 items.

Funniest American Movie Ever
1) Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
2) Office Space
3) History of the World Part I

Greatest Chessmaster Ever
1) Bobby Fischer, 1969 - 1972
2) Bobby Fischer, 1959 - 1969
3) Bobby Fischer, 1955 - 1959

Most Depressing Book Ever Written
1) Computers and Intractability : A Guide to the Theory of NP-Completeness, by Garey & Johnson
2) Java Examples in a Nutshell, 3rd Edition, by David Flanagan
3) Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy

Greatest Baseball Team Ever
1) 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers
2) 1998 New York Yankees
3) 1986 New York Mets

Best High School in the World
1) The Bronx High School of Science
2) Some High School in California, I am sure.
3) Some Prep School in the vicinity of Princeton, I am sure.

Best Philosophy on Life
1) "Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)
2) "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." (Woody Allen)
3) "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" (Monty Python)

Greatest Musical Ever (movie, not theater)
1) My Fair Lady
2) The Sounds of Music
3) Oklahoma! (even if it is about drugs and prostitution, I don't care).

Worst Fiction Book Ever Written, (whose author should be shot or jailed, or perhaps first jailed and then shot and then jailed some more).
1) Digital Fortress
2) The DaVinci Code
3) Angels and Demons

Best Love Song Ever Written
1) Bad Touch, by the Bloodhound Gang (You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals / So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel).
2) When You Are Old and Grey, by Tom Lehrer (So please remember / When I leave in December / I told you so in May).
3) Girls, by The Beastie Boys (I seen her just the other day / Jackin' Mike D. to my dismay).

All of these are, of course, not opinions, but rather statements of absolute fact. You are well advised to make like a red state and not question anything. But, by all means, discuss for your pleasure. I look forward to your friendly comments of perpetual agreement.