Busy

I am going to be really busy from now on until the middle of next week, since I have a lot of school stuff to do.

- Two long-ass papers : long on words, short on substance.
- Discrete math final : another considerable effort to impress the professor.
- 3D Modeling project : Halo level... uhm... lots of shooting stuff up, I suppose.
- Programming final : public class tripleEspresso.

So, that's kind of my way of saying "don't call us, we'll call you." As always, if you want to buy me coffee, I'll find time for a quick break.

Two misquotes

Tom Lehrer was misquoted twice, during the same week! And both times were with regard to that quip about Henry Kissinger.

In yesterday's New York Times Op-Ed Contributor section, Stephen Budiansky wrote a somewhat amusing column about how Universities are adopting corporate marketing tactics to improve funding and enrollment. He quotes Tom Lehrer to emphasize his own point about satire being obsolete:

"I knew that Tom Lehrer, the great satirical songwriter of the 60's, had said he had to give up satire when it kept being overtaken by reality. The final straw, he said, was Henry Kissinger winning the Nobel Peace Prize."

Today, Nicky Campbell of The Guardian, made the same mistake in an article (which, honestly, I didn't really bother reading) about what seems to be some sort of corruption in the world British soccer:

"When Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize, the American singer and comedian Tom Lehrer said that satire was now obsolete."

Now, what Tom Lehrer actually said was that "political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Prize." See the difference? Mr. Lehrer's version is better, because it's funnier to say "awarded" instead of "won."

The dark place of speed chess.

I've been spending a lot of time on ICC, playing three minute blitz. I think that I'm very rapidly approaching that dark place of hatred and frustration that every online gamer has become intimately familiar with at one point or another. Unfortunately, I usually tend to visit that dark place at the end of the semester, right before finals.

Frankly, I thought that speed chess was a fairly safe option for digital distraction, compared to the alternatives - Starcraft, Age of Empires, and Civilization. I figured that I could just go in for a quick game, and then move on to other things (unlike with Civ3, which captures and holds my attention for many many many unproductive hours). Clearly, I drastically misjudged the addictive nature of playing chess really fast. (Who knew!?)

So, in an effort to avoid a nervous breakdown, and in hopes of finishing the semester on a high note, I'm going to quit for a few weeks. This is an important test of character; one that I have failed on numerous former occasions. Hopefully, this time I'll feel some sort of guilt out of accountability to you people.

Some fun invading your privacy.

I came across a site called Fundrace 2004, which lets you search political contributions for the 2004 presidential race by name or address. It uses electronic contribution data from the 2004 presidential race to generate results, and see where the money that affects elections actually comes from. The features could use some work (no sorting of results, and no records for third party donations) but the interface is really excellent.

For example, a search for 1130 Amsterdam Ave reveals that we are in an almost entirely blue area. Andy's neighborhood in Cambridge, in the 02138 zip code, is even more democratic. (In other news, water is wet). The City Maps feature is very nice, especially for New York.

I spent quite a bit of time on the site, looking up neighbors, professors, certain University provosts, Wall Street CEOs, and favorite authors. I'll tally this up in the "time wasted on the Internet" column. However, I feel a little bit guilty. The guilt comes not from finding out where these people place their political allegiance (that's usually pretty obvious already), but from the seemingly blatant intrusion into their finances.

Personally, I have no qualms about sharing information about my finances, but maybe now I'm becoming more aware of the standard etiquette in this country, when it comes to such matters. But this sort of transparency certainly has its benefits, at least as far as campaign finance reform is concerned. So, what are the ethical implications here? Are there any?

Change the geek tax.

After finally watching "Batman Begins" and "Spiderman-2" this week, I propose that we modify the geek tax to exclude all comic book movies.

Millions of otherwise productive individuals are constantly subjected to the geek tax, which basically consists of the time and money that every hard working computer programmer, systems administrator, math/science/engineering major, or Bronx Science graduate inevitably ends up paying to the entertainment industry, for fear of losing future Usenet flame wars and precious pocket protectors. Recent examples include all the Star Wars movies, TLOTR, Narnia, The Matrix Trilogy, and a plethora of mediocre comic book movies.

I think that the comic book movies should be excluded. Let's make this happen, people. Stop wasting your time watching this crap.

"Spiderman-2" was awful. I won't spend time on a thorough review, and will merely say that it was roughly the cinematic equivalent of "Digital Fortress." This is the kind of stuff that a lower primate could have written, but didn't, out of dignity and respect for his species.

By comparison, "Batman Begins" was slightly better, although the casting was truly awful. We spent the first hour of the movie arguing about where we've seen the actor playing Batman before. I kept insisting that he must have been in some Swedish porn, but eventually, we came to the realization that he was the bad guy in Shaft. That, of course, was followed by the obvious consensus that we HATE that guy! Not to mention the predictable jokes about Liam Neeson - "the force is strong with you, Batman." But, I suppose that it is the best of the Batman movies, which, I guess, isn't really saying much.

Of course, I never read comic books as a child so I realize that I am not able to fully appreciate the nostalgic value of these flicks. Also, by no means am I proposing a total abolition of the geek tax. Hell, I'm ready to send Wolfgang Petersen money right now in anticipation of the Ender's Game movie.

Topalov vs. Kramnik

FIDE announced that all the arrangements for a match between Kramnik and Topalov have been finalized. The 12 game tournament will start on September 21st, in Kalmykia.

The FIDE press release states that "This great match will undoubtedly end any confusion about the World Championship status after the unfortunate schism which occurred in 1993."

In 1993, Kasparov and FIDE began to have political battles and Kasparov refused to play in the FIDE organized world championship matches. Still claiming he was the true world champion, Kasparov started his own chess organization called the PCA and held his own PCA "Classical" World Championship match. Kasparov had the support and capacity to do this, while Bobby Fischer, who was essentially battling the same situation in the 1970's, never did.

The current record between Topalov and Kramnik is as follows: Kramnik-19, Topalov-9, Draws-33. This match will be an imortant and interesting step toward unification.

A fan of the NSFW, just like the rest of us.

A somewhat odd article from Time Magazine's "Asian Heroes" section profiles Hideki Matsui and mentions his peculiar hobby:

[H]is only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much.

Well, as far as hobbies go (who needs a hobby like tennis or philately), I can certainly think of many far less innocuous ones than collecting smut. Of course, anyone with a high speed Internet connection can't help but wonder why anyone would ever pay for porn. I don't know if it makes me like him more, but this just makes that time when Matsui dressed up as a pimp so much funnier!

Time for a new samizdat?

Occasionally, when the mood strikes me, I am capable of some light and fluffy social commentary, along the lines of the recent "Kill Your TV" article that you people seemed to enjoy so much. However, I am not able to compose any sort of effective political commentary, and in the past, I tried to explain why that is.

Basically, I am just an engineering student who reads a lot of political blogs, and I have no authority to write about these issues at all. I've never taken a class at the Law School or the Journalism School, I've never interned for a Senator, I have no insider (or even outsider) connections in Washington, and I have never entertained any political ambitions. Also, I find it difficult to write anything intelligent or intelligible about current political events without being overcome with fury and frustration. There are many people who blog about politics professionally (my favorite are Josh Marshall and Steve Clemons) and they should be your first stop for that sort of content.

That being said, if anyone is in the business of publishing pamphlets, now would be an excellent time to put that liberal arts degree of yours to some good use.

The first pamphlet should be called, "You and Your Utility Function" and should explain the basic economic principle behind utilitarianism. People inevitably tend to live their lives according to complex utility functions that they subconsciously form, and constantly retain. However, politicians use the media to skew the utility functions of most Americans. You don't need to suffer through freshman Economics in order to understand how utility functions work - this is very simple and innate stuff. After all, asking the question - am I better off as a result of this action? - is an instinctive element of human nature.

We make decisions based on what will benefit us most, and we assign mathematical weights to the many variables that effect our lives. Politicians create superficial issues that are specifically designed to incorrectly modify your utility function. For example, are you (you being the figurative Midwesterner who consistently votes Republican against his own interests) any worse off if two gay men are allowed to get married in San Francisco? The answer is obviously no. Sure, you may think it's icky, but does it significantly decrease your utility? No. At least not as much as, say, the absence of social security, inadequate healthcare, your inability to send your kids to college, and war. If given enough time to think about it, even the most staunch conservatives will agree that people dying offends their Christian values a lot more than people having sex. So this pamphlet should help them to correctly evaluate their utility functions, and therefore, allow them to vote for the candidates that will truly improve their quality of life.

The second pamphlet should be published locally (per county) and should explain the voting records of all the candidates on the ballot. This may sound simple, but it isn't. People don't know how to look up voting records, and if they somehow manage to find them online, they still don't know how to interpret them. For example, I was personally surprised to learn that Arizona Senator John McCain has one of the most conservative voting records in Congress.

The third pamphlet should be called, "Are You Better Off Now Than You Were 4 Years Ago?" and should clearly outline the economic divide between the rich and the poor classes in this country. Ronald Regan was the last one to propose this question to the American people in 1980, but since then, it has become an unspoken rule of political campaigns that the candidates will not talk about these economic issues, and I think that I understand why. The front-runners of both parties are very wealthy individuals who benefit from a multitude of corporate donations. Sure, one may vacation at a posh resort in Switzerland, and another may opt for a hunting expedition in Texas (and that difference will certainly be played up on the news), but all of these people belong to the same elite ruling class. The real divide is economic, not cultural. The difference is not between the tractor-driving, beer-guzzling, NASCAR-watching Midwesterners and the latte-drinking, bagel-noshing, Times-reading New Yorkers. It is, in fact, between the few rich and the many poor. Unfortunately, candidates can't talk about these issues without being labeled as either a Communist, or as a left-wing psycho nut job (Howard Dean, case-in-point).

Anyway, this is just a thought (and, for once, not a joke). Someone should really do something, though.

Some links from programming class.

I went to the café in Lerner, and told the girl at the counter - "I need a double espresso right now, or else I won't make it through my next class!" She gave me a dirty look. But most importantly, she gave me some coffee.

So, Java class. Yes. Get it? Oh, never mind. Here are some links:

- I've seen porn that isn't this blatant: Some dork writes a detailed analysis of how the Gatorade bottle is very much like a penis. Pretty stupid, sure, but I was amused. On Tuesdays, I have particularly low standards for humor.

- Super Mario Brothers: delightful childhood memory or Communist propaganda? I wonder why it can't be both.

- If MC Escher were in grade school today: a wonderful visual display of how smart kids get shafted by stupid teachers.

- Mapping Science: I went to this show when it opened, and I meant to blog about it, but never got the chance. If you are in New York, you should go check it out, especially if you are a Tufte fan.

Or, you can just go read reddit yourself. I have to get back to programming.

Who do we love? Pedro!

Well, frankly we love anyone who will pitch 6 and 2/3 innings to defeat the much despised Braves. But Pe-dro is so easy to chant! Actually, so is Car-los.

The Yankees are off tonight, but somehow I doubt that they stayed up to watch the crosstown game. According to this Times article, the Yankees are becoming quite analogous to a certain over-funded Manhattan specialized high school. "The Mets are doing well? Really? We didn't notice."

Another new (to me) blog.

Some clever people from Harvard are writing a fun baseball blog called Fire Joe Morgan. The title alone should be sufficient to pique your interest.

As many of you already know, I am eternally infuriated with Joe Morgan. But as much as I despise his blatantly erroneous analysis and unfounded denouncements of sabermetrics, I have come to appreciate the irony. While Morgan continuously advocates idiotic small-ball tactics, he is actually a perfect sabermetrics player who, throughout his career, has drawn numerous walks and posted a notably high OBP. In fact, Bill James once called Joe Morgan the best percentage player in history!

Ugh! Ok, go read the blog.

The "dreck" card

I am delighted to report that the cluster has been fixed, and is happily clustering once more. We finally got our 4 hour downtime, and were able to determine that it really was a hardware problem - the DRAC card was broken. (Which is somewhat ironic, if you think about it. But don't think about it too much). My wish is to actually have all the DRAC cards working by the end of the summer. That, and peace in the Middle East.

So John, if you are reading this - blessed redudancy has been restored, and all is once again well in the 100 acre wood. Just in case you were still worried about us.

Happy Friday to all.

Look it up when you get home.

E.B. White once said that "No one can write decently who is distrustful of the reader's intelligence, or whose attitude is patronizing." I take that advice very seriously, and try to apply it to all aspects of communication and interaction. However, I feel that the predominant trend in our society is to do the exact opposite. Our schools, entertainment, literature, even our software, are all designed to cater to the lowest common denominator. This cultural attitude inevitably results in failure. The popular assumption that people are stupid is largely to blame for the New York State Regents math curriculum, the inconceivably terrible Dan Brown novels, Mark Russell, and the Windows Operating System.

My favorite American entertainer is Tom Lehrer. In the intro to his song "We Will All Go Together When We Go," after getting an unusually subdued laugh to a joke about a necrophiliac, he tells his audience, "the rest of you can look it up when you get home." It is precisely that intelligent mind-set (a characteristic feature of all of Mr. Lehrer's material, by the way) that makes him so much more enjoyable than any comedian performing today. Essentially, he is refusing to dumb down his jokes for those who don't get them. He is smart, and if you aren't, too bad for you, but he won't insult you by assuming that you aren't capable of comprehending a sophisticated joke at the eighth grade reading level. That's respect for the audience, you see, and I appreciate that very much.

Take Mark Russell, for example - when he peddles those banal jokes over and over again, he is basically saying "you people are too dumb to realize that this is pure crap." Similarly, I can only imagine that Dan Brown would publish the same (bad) book under four different titles because he assumes that the public is too dim to realize what is going on.

You know, I think that is just mean.

This attitude is most dangerous when evidenced in the school system. My friend (and a 30 year veteran of the NYC public school system) accurately commented on an earlier post when he wrote: "Kids are not stupid, they are very smart. There is no need to simplify or dumb down the material, because they appreciate and enjoy the complex." But many teachers don't realize that their students are smart enough to understand number theory and combinatorics, so they waste many months teaching fractions! Or they assume that kids can't grasp the complicated truth about American history, so they consistently propagate mediocrity with oversimplifications and misinformation.

However, nowhere is the assumption that people are stupid more apparent than in the slow to boot, quick to crash suite of products that Microsoft executives work so hard to promote. Why else would they presume that people wouldn't be able to tell that Windows Vista is the same broken NT kernel that they've been selling for years? Why would they prefer to market seemingly idiot-proof (but in reality, productivity-proof) dancing paperclip "features" instead of powerful command line utilities? Why would they continue development of IE instead of dropping out of the browser market and openly admitting the superiority of Firefox? Those of you who write and troll on Usenet, will surely remember the Strong Lusethropic Principle, which states that: "The more idiot-proof the software, the more it encourages the user to be careless and not think. Therefore, idiot-proof software actually encourages, contributes, and actually causes users to be stupid."

If you treat people like idiots, as you obviously do when you try to tell them boring jokes or sell them an inherently bad operating system, not only do you insult them, but you are also contributing to the overall decline of literacy and competency in this country. So, be nice to your users, students, readers, audience, and don't be distrustful of their intelligence.

I would like to note that this line of thought has primarily been motivated by Edward Tufte's brilliant book, "The Visual Display of Quantitative Information." And also, by all the aggravating absurdity that I am constantly exposed to simply by virtue of being awake.

Buy the hat, get the pessimism for free

I guess I never fully realized just how unhappy Mets fans really are. Not until now. I absolutely couldn't understand why none of the die-hard Mets fans that I know shared my excitement and enthusiasm for the current success of the team. After all, the Mets have the best record in baseball and are riding a five game winning streak. Pedro is fantastic, Carlos^2 couldn't be better, and the much hated Braves are a safe distance behind.

But all the fans seem to have this "things are going to get worse before they get a lot worse" mentality. One person explained to me that so many years of shattered hope and unrealized potential jaded his outlook too much, and a measly little five game winning streak wasn't going to change anything. He also proceeded to read off a long list of all the things that can, and undoubtedly will go wrong with the team - Pedro will hurt his thumb, Zambrano will hurt his toe, Beltran will get an ear infection, and so on and on.

As you know, I always expect things to turn out perfectly well, and I'm quite seriously hoping for a Subway World Series. But, I am slowly beginning to understand why pessimism inevitably comes with every Mets hat.

Fo'real?

Maybe it's late, and maybe I'm very tired. I definitely need more coffee. I keep squinting and reloading, and looking around for some encouragement, but I absolutely can't tell if this site is for real, or just a moderately funny joke. Really, they got me. Well done, whoever is behind this.

Some numbered lists

Folks, I don't have anything creative for you today. Sorry, but I hope you'll remember what I said about this being just a hobby. I'm busy. I have to program, I have to solve something (undoubtedly complex) with generating functions, I have to write another installment of the Asinine Beyond Comprehension Newsletter, I have to go down to the games lab and prove to everyone that the town hall rush is the ultimate AOK strategy. I mean, I have to do research. That's what one does in graduate school, I'm told. Research.

So, in the meantime, here are some numbered lists for you. People love numbered lists, and for good reason. They are oodles of fun. But for the sake of brevity (and also, because I have to run to another class in 15 minutes), I'll keep these down to 3 items.

Funniest American Movie Ever
1) Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
2) Office Space
3) History of the World Part I

Greatest Chessmaster Ever
1) Bobby Fischer, 1969 - 1972
2) Bobby Fischer, 1959 - 1969
3) Bobby Fischer, 1955 - 1959

Most Depressing Book Ever Written
1) Computers and Intractability : A Guide to the Theory of NP-Completeness, by Garey & Johnson
2) Java Examples in a Nutshell, 3rd Edition, by David Flanagan
3) Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy

Greatest Baseball Team Ever
1) 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers
2) 1998 New York Yankees
3) 1986 New York Mets

Best High School in the World
1) The Bronx High School of Science
2) Some High School in California, I am sure.
3) Some Prep School in the vicinity of Princeton, I am sure.

Best Philosophy on Life
1) "Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)
2) "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." (Woody Allen)
3) "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" (Monty Python)

Greatest Musical Ever (movie, not theater)
1) My Fair Lady
2) The Sounds of Music
3) Oklahoma! (even if it is about drugs and prostitution, I don't care).

Worst Fiction Book Ever Written, (whose author should be shot or jailed, or perhaps first jailed and then shot and then jailed some more).
1) Digital Fortress
2) The DaVinci Code
3) Angels and Demons

Best Love Song Ever Written
1) Bad Touch, by the Bloodhound Gang (You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals / So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel).
2) When You Are Old and Grey, by Tom Lehrer (So please remember / When I leave in December / I told you so in May).
3) Girls, by The Beastie Boys (I seen her just the other day / Jackin' Mike D. to my dismay).

All of these are, of course, not opinions, but rather statements of absolute fact. You are well advised to make like a red state and not question anything. But, by all means, discuss for your pleasure. I look forward to your friendly comments of perpetual agreement.

New Math, Fun Math

Last night I went to a lecture by Dr. Seymour Papert, entitled "A new look for math education in the digital age: Instead of making kids learn the (useless) math they hate, make a (useful) math they love." It was a really fun talk, and I'm glad that I got a chance to meet somebody who is such an innovative thinker in mathematics, computer science, and education.

For those of you not familiar with Dr. Papert, he is the man behind the Logo programming language and LEGO Mindstorms. He is also well known for his work at the MIT AI Lab (with Prof. Marvin Minsky) and at the MIT Media Lab. You can (and should) read more about him at his site.

One of the most interesting and most important concepts that Dr. Papert discussed was that educators should use computer technology to completely revolutionize and re-invent the mathematics curriculum. In American schools, children are taught concepts in pure mathematics first, and are only introduced to its applications later on in their education, usually in high school or even college. Dr. Papert proposes that we start out by teaching kids the applications first - engineering, computer science, physics - and let them learn the mathematics that they require in order to solve these complex problems in the process. After all, that is the logical order of discovery. Most of the early great concepts in mathematics were discovered in just that way - we need to build this pyramid, we need to predict the next solar eclipse, and so on.

I will try to find time to write about this some more on here, as these ideas are really the foundation of my entire graduate academic career. And, if anyone cares to send me an invite for any upcoming talks on this subject, I will gladly make the trip to Cambridge. But in the meantime, you are all very much encouraged to go read some of Dr. Papert's articles (some more here) and books.

Best 8 minutes ever

Both New York teams are off tonight, but here is something delightful to carry you over until tomorrow - an RBI Baseball re-enactment of 1986 World Series, game six (squeamish Boston fans are warned not to click). Much thanks to Jeff for the fun link.

Bad Start

The story on the street (or in any pizza shop on 18th avenue) is that the 1998 Yankees (arguably the best team in baseball history) started the season 1-4, before turning it around and winning a record 114 games.

This team is not the same as the one in 1998, and I don't think that a record-breaking season is too feasible, seeing how things are going. However, a World Series run is on everyone's mind, even though it's still so cold in New York. I think that it's important to remember that the Yankees have a consistently bad record against the Angels, and things will likely take a turn for the better when they come home next week. Still, a win this afternoon would do well to alleviate everyone's early surge in anxiety.

On a happier note...

Mets play a fun win over the Nationals, and Pedro records his first W for the season (much thanks to Carlos^2). This is, of course, fantastic. But, since I take baseball so personally, I still can't forget and forgive. Maybe if he takes NY to the World Series, I'll turn on my selective memory.

Bummer

If you've had the (unfortunate?) opportunity to run into me over the last couple of days, you may be wondering why I'm not my usual happy-happy-joy-joy self.

Well, this is the time of the year, when I typically go through a very dismal (though brief) period of utter desperation. The semester isn't quite over yet, but I'm entering this whole "I'm never going to finish, why am I doing this?" phase, where I scribble short lists of very cool people who don't have PhD's, and long lists of very unpleasant people who do have PhD's. That helps a little bit. But, so does heavy drinking. (No, no, I kid of course).

So, over the next few days, if you find me sitting in a dark corner with a triple espresso and the Garey/Johnson book, mumbling something incomprehensible about n-log-n, your best bet is to just keep on walking, and call me next week.

Decision Time

Opening day was fantastic for both New York teams. The Mets won, which shouldn't really be so incredulous based on all the popular predictions, but somehow still is. The Yankees won too. That's an understatement, of course. The Yankees killed! And so, my dilemma.

I can't possibly follow both teams, even if MLB.TV does allow you to watch multiple games (even simultaneously). That'll just kill my productivity completely, and I'm anticipating an academically strenuous summer.

At the end of last season, I was pretty upset with the Yankees. And I got more upset through the winter. I decided that watching the Mets win will be a lot more fun, because Mets fans have no such sense of entitlement. The expectations are lower, and therefore, the victories are more spectacular. (Also, I kind of resent the unreasonably stringent security at Yankee Stadium, but about that later). I was really set in that frame of mind, until A-Rod hit that grand slam last night. It is so hard to resist the Yankees when their games are so dramatic! That's the stuff that dreams, and Ken Burns documentaries are made of.

So, dear people of the web, what should I do?

NL East Prediction

Dave Pinto calls the NL East as follows:

1. New York Mets
2. Philadelphia Phillies
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Washington Nationals
5. Florida Marlins

I am in complete agreement (with a possible switch between the Marlins and the Nats), and can't wait for the season to kick off. Of course, nobody believes me when I say that this is the season for the Mets, so it's nice to have some authority backing my prediction. Happy spring everyone!

OMG! World of Starcraft!

This has been a particularly fun April Fool's, and this Wikipedia article lists pretty much all the best jokes out there. Browse and enjoy. My favorite this year was Slashdot, with their "OMG! Ponies!" theme. A close runner up was Poisson d'Avril's Theorem on Metamath.

However, shame shame shame to the evil people behind World of Starcraft. I was so ready to completely destroy my social life and work ethic. Well done.