Homework

Sorry that I haven't written too much lately. I am taking a really great class this summer session, called "Computers, Problem Solving, and Cooperative Learning." And because of the short semester, I am really busy with the readings and the assignments (and of course, the deep reflections).

For my first paper I am going to analyze how 3D modeling software (such as 3D studio max) can be used in the biology curriculum, and design said curriculum. When I took the 3D modeling workshop last semester, I thought that the software could provide an excellent opportunity for students to apply textbook knowledge through fun, hands-on activities. For example, accurately modeling a human heart can be a very valuable learning experience that students would not otherwise be able to have without the use of such technology. So, that's what I've been working on.

A weekend of feats

First, Derek Jeter reached 2000 hits. That's impressive, especially considering how overrated he is. Oh wait. Jeter's personal victory was somewhat clouded by the fact that the Yankees lost that particular game to the Royals, who were just as surprised as everyone else to have won a game for a change. Through the years, I've tried to stay objective about Jeter, even though that's really hard. The New York media is notorious for just blatantly lying about Jeter, all the time. But Mr. Clutch or not, he is still a very likely Hall of Fame candidate, and this is just another anticipated accomplishment in a consistently above average career.

Next, Barry Bonds surpassed Babe Ruth with his 715th homer. Of course, nobody is surprised. But like most fans who fancy the romantic aspects of baseball, I have consistently criticized Bonds, and those like him. His well-documented attitude toward the game is completely repulsive to my sentimental sensibilities. However, I've come to terms with this as just another chapter in baseball history. A very good thing to keep in mind when it comes to such situations is that baseball is not fair, simply because life in America is not fair. And as long as we are realistic about the social and historical context, we can understand and appropriately value the statistics for each player, for each season, for each generation. After all, Babe Ruth played during a period in history when some of the best players were banned from participating in professional baseball. And as long as we are cognizant of that fact, an asterisk next to his record will not be necessary.

At the New York Public Library

- I would like a job at this fine library of yours!
- Uh... what are your qualifications?
- I know how to read. Well.
- Uh... Miss... You see...
- I know the Dewey Decimal System. Also, well.
- Ok ok, do you have a Master's Degree in Library Science?
- A what what?
- You need a Master's Degree in Library Science.
- Why?
- That's a requirement.
- Maybe you haven't noticed, but I come here ALL THE TIME, and I always reshelf all the books that I read, not like those barbarians who just throw Frank Herbert in the same pile as Chaucer!
- So what you are telling me is that you want the New York Public Library to pay you to come here and read?
- That is correct. I can start right now.
- Are you checking those books out, or will I have to call security?

Serenity

Goldberg told me that I would absolutely love Serenity. After all these years, I should've known better than to listen to him. The movie sucked. Oh, on so many levels. I can't review it. It's so bad, I have no words. Stay away. Goldberg should be beaten with sticks for such an awful recommendation.

How to get banned from the Hungarian Pastry Shop

Oh no, that's not my book of Contemporary European Poetry. I don't even like poetry, actually... especially if it doesn't rhyme.

How to get banned from the math help room

- Repeatedly tell the TA there that he is not really explaining the problem too well.

- Skeptically ask, "are you sure that you are in the PhD program?" And when he scornfully nods, continue with the puzzled look.

- Frequently interject with "In Soviet Russia, function integrates you!"

- Tell him that he is not nearly as good as the guy who was there on Thursday.

- Demand that he go and get the guy who was there on Thursday.

- When someone is working out a problem on runtime analysis, start singing the Big-O theme song.

Summer reading list

I got a few notes from friends and strangers who enjoyed my recent recommendation of Frank McCourt's "Teacher Man," and would like to know what else I am reading this summer.

I always felt that summer was a time for guilty literary pleasures. So, I am planning to indulge with some Dune prequels: House Atreides, House Harkonnen, and House Corrino. You hard core lunatics out there - spare me your grunts of disappointment. I have full knowledge of what I'm getting myself into, so just let it go. But if it'll make you feel any better, I am going to make up for it by reading some good science fiction, namely Walter Miller's "A Canticle for Leibowitz." Unfortunately, the New York Public Library only has two copies on reserve (the Columbia library has none) and I've been on hold for it for some three months now.

I am also looking forward to Kurt Vonnegut's "A Man Without a Country," which looked absolutely delightful. And to keep with that spirit of clever and sophisticated humor, I am going to pick up some Mark Twain stuff. Not the usual junior high school required reading, but some of his more obscure essays and non-fiction writing - "The Bible According to Mark Twain," "Letters from Earth," and "Mark Twain's Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race."

However, I am taking 3 classes this summer, so most of my time is going to be spent reading Dewey and Piaget. But if anybody has any good recommendations for fun summer reading, please send them on over.

Subway Series Weekend

The Mets took the first one, and it was a somewhat strange game. In the 9th, and Rivera walked Delgado to get to David Wright. Wright, however, hit a walk-off single over the head of Johnny Damon to score Lo Duca, and get the win.

The Mets have been sliding, so it's important for them to win this series. Too bad that it has to be against the Yankees. Pedro and Glavine are up next, so it's looking like a good rebound weekend for the Mets.

The Mets lead the NL East by 3 games, but the Yankees have fallen a game and a half behind Boston.

A few unrelated notes

This might seem completely random, but I just can't be bothered to split it up into several posts.

- We snuck into an empty classroom on the top floor of Hamilton, and managed to snap some nice pictures of Commencement, before a guard told us to "move along people, move along." Here are my pictures.

- Commencement was lovely, perfect day, and Zvi made the best appeal out of all the Deans to President Bollinger for granting degrees to the Engineering students: "Mr. President, before you stand the solar powered and acoustically challenging candidates of the Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, who possess electric personality, exceptional civility, extraordinary chemistry, and industrial strength. They are blessed with physical beauty, mechanical aptitude, mathematical precision, and biomedical excellence. They are made of the best materials, environmentally safe, and computer savvy." It's the same thing he says every year, but why change what works so well? The webcast is available here.

- I can't believe the Yankees won last night. I am really not sure what conclusion to draw from all that, but I suspect that it's a good thing that Sturtze wasn't available to pitch. The more pessimistic fans will note that this is not a cause for celebration, since the Yankees should have never gotten themselves into such a mess in the first place.

- I got an A for Discrete Math! Yay! This is entirely to the credit of the Professor, who was excellent, and ran an incredibly great class. I learned so much. I will take whatever class he is teaching next semester.

Class Day Festivities

This year's Class Day was as uneventful as always. But, there were some notable highlights. Particularly, Senator McCain's speech to the Columbia College graduating class, which primarily served to dispel any possible doubts about his future candidacy for the office of President. The speech wasn't too controversial, but it had all the necessary words: terrorism, war, Iraq, veteran, genocide, Osama, unity, and of course, freedom. Unfortunately, we soon discovered that the speech was almost entirely identical to the one he gave at Liberty, which is extremely lame, even for a politician.

Both Deans did very well, but of course, my allegiance to Zvi is known, so I was partial. Columbia College class day was early in the morning, and it was raining the entire time. Overall, it was very miserable and unpleasant for everybody. However, the sun came out and was shining bright for the Engineering ceremony. Zvi claimed that it was not a coincidence, but rather a special project from the department of Environmental Engineering.

Columbia College claimed to have set an Ivy League record with their senior class gift. That record lasted for about 3 hours, until Engineering announced their senior class gift, which noticeably surpassed efforts by the College. (Eh - some loyalties are hard to forget).

Bollinger did not make a big speech, and I am really looking forward to hearing him talk tomorrow, at Commencement. I am always extremely impressed with his intelligence and leadership, and I think that history will remember him as one of Columbia's greatest Presidents, certainly in the same category as Barnard, Low, and Butler.

The broadcasts of both ceremonies are available on the Commencement website.

The model student.

In yesterday's New York Times, Op-Ed columnist Nicholas Kristof pondered the question of why Asian-Americans tend to do so much better academically than Americans of other racial groups. The article is Times Select, so the link is probably useless to most of you. Either way, you should try to get a copy of yesterday's paper, since the article makes a good attempt to answer a difficult question about American education, and I agree with the author wholeheartedly. The study of cultural and racial differences as a determining factor in academic performance has always been especially interesting to me.

Mr. Kristof presents the statistics (mostly SAT scores) as well as some anecdotes, which all lead to the conclusion that Asian-American students are much more inclined to do well academically than other Americans. He then proceeds to propose possible explanations for this apparent phenomenon - genetics? culture? family values? Of course, the inevitable conclusion is that it has to do with all of that, and more.

However, the most valuable lesson to be derived from such analysis is the notable difference in cultural attitudes toward education. In this country, the focus is always on financial success. The heroes who are glorified by our culture are usually not the most educated people, but rather the wealthiest - movie stars, athletes, entrepreneurs. In the Soviet Union, and in China (and possibly in numerous other countries, but I can't comment with any authority), the focus has always been drastically different. There, success is measured by a person's level of education. I suppose that would explain why teachers are so highly regarded in those societies. For further emphasis, Mr. Kristof relates the anecdote of Chinese villages erecting statues to young men who accomplish the Chinese equivalent of scoring a perfect 1600 on the SAT.

I have always held the belief that one single phrase was primarily responsible for the not-so-diverse student populations of Bronx Science and Stuyvesant high schools. The motivational power of "we left our home and came to America so that you could have the opportunity to go to an Ivy League University" should not to be underestimated! Perhaps I could do some study to demonstrate that success on standardized tests is directly proportional to the distance that one had to travel to come to the United States.

An enigma... wrapped around a moron who can't pitch.

It was a funny joke, when Nomaas suggested that Tanyon Sturtze must have naked pictures of Joe Torre. Why else would Torre put him in so frequently? But at this point, it's just sad.

Sturtze has taken the place of (thankfully departed) Jeff Weaver on my list of pitchers who should be beaten with sticks until they agree to stop sucking so much already! Last night, Susan Waldman called him "an enigma," because he is healthy and has a good arm, but - ha ha whadyaknow - can't get an out to save his own life. To quote my grandmother, at these prices I'd expect something better.

Back to the naked pictures theory.

Teacher Man

If you never pay attention to any of my recommendations, you really should pay attention to this one: read Frank McCourt's "Teacher Man." It is indisputably the best book I've read this year. In fact, it's probably the best book that I've read since my Lit Hum teacher decided to deviate from the Core and let us read Pasternak.

In my opinion (and I read a lot of books, so maybe my opinion counts for something) Frank McCourt is one of the best contemporary authors in this country.

"Teacher Man" was the first book of his that I read. It is his third book, and I think, his best. It chronicles his 30 year career as a high school English teacher in the New York City public school system, starting out in McKee Vocational High School in Staten Island, and culminating in Stuyvesant High School. McCourt's writing style is natural and clear, and he doesn't need to turn to complex prose because his story is so good. The book is fantastic, and regardless of what your background is, or what your interests are, you will relate to the story. It's about New York, and immigration, and high school, and teaching, and Ireland, and war, and poverty, and motivation, and smart kids, and stupid kids, and good people who want to help, and other people who don't know better, and excuse notes, and racism, and epiphanies. It is very funny, and also very sad. I was inspired, and I hope that you will read it.

Where to eat?

The problem with doing your graduate work at the same institution where you spent your undergrad years (besides academic inbreeding, boredom, lack of available classes, and a general sense of eternal indenturetude) is that there are few places where you can go without running into someone you know.

I am generally a very social person, and I love to chat and hang out. But sometimes, I really want to eat alone, and just stare at the wall, or think about monkeys, or read the New York Times. Faculty House was the last place on campus where I could do that. I didn't know anyone who eats at the Faculty House. Engineering students and professors don't even know about it, and it's mostly frequented by people from SIPA and the Law School, and professors of some sort of literature or sociology or something along those lines. The food there is quite decent, and I could usually count on being left alone.

Lately, however, I've come to be included into these various little social groups, and eating alone is no longer a polite option. I start out at the corner table by the window, well hidden by the Times sports section. But somehow, I always get pulled in to a conversation about Mike Mussina or Boris Yeltsin or that Economist article from last month. I guess that the communal nature of that cafeteria is conducive to spontaneous conversations with strangers. It's a weak complaint, really, because I usually enjoy the good company.

But now that Faculty House is no longer a suitable loner destination, I have no idea where else I can go on campus. The Engineering and the TC dining halls are out (because I don't want to get food poisoning) and I can hardly venture within a one block radius of Lerner without being asked (although nicely) to embark on a futile technical support quest. Wien is a painful memory for me. Which leaves, what... Uris? I think that's it. Bah.

Same score, different perspective

Across town: last night, the Yankees ended their game with the same score as the Mets 8-7. However, the perspective on their victory seems to have a different spin. Mike Mussina did very well (5-0 for the season now) and I hope that this will finally be that 20 win season that Mussina so desperately needs to give his undistinguished career some bit of spark. But after Mussina left, the trouble started.

Aaron Small started a small brushfire, Kyle Farnsworth couldn't extinguish it and suddenly manager Joe Torre signaled for his Cooperstown-bound closer in the eighth inning.

It seems like Joe Torre doesn't know what to do in a non-save situation. His bullpen is not extraordinary, granted, but he has no clue whatsoever as to how to manage the middle game. In addition, the little lineup mixup creates even greater doubts about Torre's abilities.

O ye, of little faith

I think last night's victory over the Braves is entirely indicative of the kind of season that the Mets have been having. Just a few weeks ago you (you know who you are!) were saying "oh gosh Irina, anyone can beat up on the [blank] you just wait until they play the Braves."

David Wright's third hit of the game in the 14th inning gave the Mets their first lead of the night. Carlos Beltran and Cliff Floyd each produced game-tying home runs, and Jose Reyes had his first career five-hit game.

Newsweek: where best means average.

Newsweek released their report of the "100 Best High Schools in America." Unfortunately, the popularity of this drivel is another instance of people blatantly following the misinformation disseminated by mass media, without finding out the facts, or doing their own research.

The first thing that I noticed is that neither Stuyvesant, Bronx Science, or The Hunter College High School are on that list. That seems a little bit strange, since in my years of wandering the halls of academia (in an undergraduate and graduate capacity), I am yet to meet anyone from the Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School (number 29).

The Columbia University Undergraduate Admissions Office has one admissions officer devoted just to Stuyvesant and Bronx Science; by comparison, they also have one admissions officer devoted to about twelve states in the Midwest. In high school, while participating in Math Olympiad contests, chess team tournaments, and the Intel Science Search, I remember scoping out my competition from Stuyvesant, Brooklyn Tech, Lowell, and Hunter, not from the Jefferson County High School in Alabama (number 1). And while I am at it, I should mention that Stuyvesant and Bronx Science have graduate more Nobel Laureates (4+7, respectively) than most medium-sized European nations. But I guess the people at Newsweek would dismiss all this as just some elitist banter from a blue-state Ivy League snob.

So what's wrong with this list, and why does it fail to mention some of the best schools in the country? Well, the most important fact to note is that it excludes all high schools which require an entrance exam. That automatically eliminates the three specialized math and science schools in NYC, Hunter, LaGuardia, and a number of other academically exceptional Ivy League feeder schools. They also exclude private and parochial schools, which is why you won't see Horace Mann, Trinity, or Phillips Exeter on that list.

Quoting the author: "I do not include any high school that accepts more than half of its students into the school based on highly competitive academic criteria like grades and test scores. [T]he Challenge Index is designed to honor schools that have done the best job in getting average students into college level courses. It does not work with schools that have no, or almost no, average students."

Besides that, the rating is based solely on this simplistic formula: the number of AP tests taken by all students divided by the number of graduating seniors. This unfairly favors very small schools. It also unfairly favors schools with financially well off students, since anyone who is willing to pay for it can take the AP test. This list says nothing about how the students actually do on the AP tests. Nor does it say anything about college acceptance rates, the percentage of the teaching staff with advanced degrees, and participation in the Intel Science Search and other academic contests - metrics which I find to be particularly valuable in assessing a high school.

Parents who are looking for accurate statistics are better off doing their own research instead of relying on Newsweek's simplistic and incorrect lists.

Unfair

It is so unfair that the most exciting series of the season is happening during the week when everything is due!!! Ponder that, if you will.

Some end of school year advice.

What do you call those red little mouse knobby things on IBM laptops? I call them nipples. Or rather, I used to call them nipples, before someone got upset, and I had to spend three hours in sexual harassment training. Now, I call them "those red little mouse knobby things on IBM laptops."

When I worked at Merrill Lynch (during the "what the hell was I thinking" period of my career) I got sent to sexual harassment training a lot. I didn't mean to be intentionally inappropriate, or to cause any trouble, but I like to make jokes. And soon I learned that jokes, especially the funny ones, hurt the bottom line. So eventually, causing trouble became the joke, and I had a good time.

By the way - men tend to get sent to sexual harassment training a lot more frequently than girls do, so I really had to try extra hard. The first time that I showed up for one of those sessions, I was in a room with about 12 guys, and I made some comment like "well now I know who all the sexual deviants in this office are." Needless to say, that didn't go over too well. But they didn't have training for people who misbehave in sexual harassment training (although the redundancy of "sexual harassment training training" would be lost on most executives), so all I got was that "nobody thinks you are funny young lady" reprimand from the HR women.

Anyway, besides learning that any mention of human anatomy is inappropriate, I also gained some other valuable information about proper office behavior. For example, it's not Ok to wink at the CTO. It's also not Ok to quote Futurama, even if you do take extra care to explain that it's just a line from a comedy program and is not actually meant to reflect your views on relationships. ("The best way into a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you're in.") And any allusion to Drew Carey's "100 big dick jokes" routine is absolutely not Ok, regardless of how legitimate the context may seem (like if you are in a meeting with 100 mutual fund managers).

But that was Wall Street. I find that people here, at the University, are much more relaxed about these things. Or maybe they are just smarter, and can tell the difference between a joke and an intentional assault or an ignorant bias. Of course, it could be that Universities just don't have enough money for sexual harassment training. Either way, now I'm free to wink, and nobody minds at all.

However, those of you who have fallen off the high path of academia and have accepted real jobs in the corporate world should be prepared to deal with this sort of absurdity. So my advice to graduation seniors, and other irrational people who are about to leave campus life in search of more lucrative employment, is to really have some fun with this whole notion of political correctness. The hypocrisy of political correctness is especially ridiculous when it's enforced and advocated by the people who know nothing at all about corporate ethics. (Or, just ethics, for that matter). So, you are well advised to poke fun as much as possible. You probably won't change anything, but at least you'll entertain your friends, and you'll keep those HR people employed.

Oh, one more thing - don't drink the Kool-Aid.