Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?



Plato:
   For the greater good.
 
Karl Marx:
   It was a historical inevitability.
 
Machiavelli:
   So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken 
   which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but 
   also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend 
   with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the 
   princely chicken's dominion maintained.
 
Hippocrates:
   Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
 
Jacques Derrida:
   Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within 
   the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each 
   interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can 
   never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, 
   DEAD!
 
Thomas de Torquemada:
   Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
 
Timothy Leary:
   Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would 
   let it take.
 
Douglas Adams:
   Forty-two.
 
Nietzsche:
   Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes 
   also across you.
 
Oliver North:
   National Security was at stake.
 
B.F. Skinner:
   Because the external influences which had pervaded its 
   sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion 
   that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these 
   actions to be of its own free will.
 
Carl Jung:
   The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated 
   that individual chickens cross roads at this historical 
   juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such 
   occurrences into being.
 
Jean-Paul Sartre:
   In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the 
   chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
 
Ludwig Wittgenstein:
   The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects 
   "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which 
   caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
 
Albert Einstein:
   Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the 
   chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
 
Aristotle:
   To actualize its potential.
 
Buddha:
   If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
 
Howard Cosell:
   It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events 
   to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented 
   avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean 
   achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is 
   truly a remarkable occurence.
 
Salvador Dali:
   The Fish.
 
Darwin:
   It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
 
Emily Dickinson:
   Because it could not stop for death.
 
Epicurus:
   For fun.
 
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
   It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
   The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
 
Ernest Hemingway:
   To die.  In the rain.
 
Werner Heisenberg:
   We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but 
it was moving very fast.
 
David Hume:
   Out of custom and habit.
 
Saddam Hussein:
   This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite 
   justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
 
Jack Nicholson:
   'Cause it (censoredwanted to.  That's the (censoredreason.
 
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
   What road?
 
Ronald Reagan:
   I forget.
 
John Sununu:
   The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, 
   so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the 
   opportunity.
 
The Sphinx:
   You tell me.
 
Henry David Thoreau:
   To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
 
Mark Twain:
   The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
 
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===============================================================
Alan C. Harris, Ph. D.          TELNOS: main off:  818-885-2853
Professor, Communication/Linguistics  direct off:  818-885-2874
Speech Communication Department
California State University, Northridge     home:  818-366-3165
SPCH CSUN                                    FAX:  818-885-2663
Northridge, CA 91330-8257 Internet email: AHARRIS@HUEY.CSUN.EDU



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