Where Do the Deleted Characters Go?
Selected-By: Dr. Noe
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Oh amazing Oracle. Please solve this prolem for me.
Where do the characters go when i use backspace on my PC?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Amazing? I answer questions from around the globe - WITH
omniscience - and the best thing you can think to call me is
amazing?? Before asking a DUMB question?? Oh well. If you must
know, the characters can go to different places, depending on whom
==> The Catholic's approach to characters:
The nice characters go to character heaven, where life is
good. The characters are bathed in the light of happiness, all
their troubles are soothed, and there's not a delete key, eraser,
or white-out bottle in sight. Most of the nice characters are A's
and I's, those that have never been, er, involved with other
characters. Often, you'll see A's or I's with N's or T's. These
are characters in love: monogamous on the page, together again
after deletion. You'll see quite a few Q's too. They seem to feel
particularly guilty for no good reason.
The naughty characters are punished for their sins. In case
you were wondering what the difference between a nice character
and a naughty character is, I'll tell you. Naughty characters are
those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast,"
"sex," "objectivity," and depending upon usage, words such as
"feminism," "reproductive freedom," "contraception," and
"science." You may ask, and rightly so, why the characters are
blamed for the words they assemble, when in fact they are not
responsible for their own configuration. But we feel that a
character has an obligation to oppose any naughtiness in its own
configuration. If it truly felt guilty about the word it was
forming, it would rebel.
==> The Buddhist Explanation:
If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then
after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different,
higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on
your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters,
lower-case letters will become upper-case, and the most righteous
and good of letters will become C's. Why C, you ask? Who knows,
but C it is! If a character's karma is not so good, then it will
move down the above scale, ultimately becoming the lowest of
characters, a space.
==> The 20th Century bitter cynical nihilist explanation:
Who cares? All characters are the same, swirling in a vast
sea of meaningless nothingness. It doesn't really matter if
they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's
all the same. More characters should delete themselves. (nihilist
characters are easy to identify. They're usually pale and tragic,
and they smoke a lot.)
==> The Mac user's explanation:
All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go
straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see
the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.
==> Stephen King's explanation:
Every time you hit the
key you unleash a tiny monster
inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to
shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah,
==> Dave Barry's explanation:
The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan,
where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-
Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not as
flammable. I'm not making any of this up.
==> IBM's explanation:
The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen
when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to
de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
You've been DELETING them???? Can't you hear them
SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing
a MINK, you pig!!!!!!
You owe The Oracle some funky characters, like that big German
thing that looks like a B but sounds like an SS. Or a few fun
Thai or Japanese letters. Anything that would be particularly
amusing to delete.
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