"No Recipient", Funny Signs

In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If 
you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.  

In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Buchrarest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next 
day.  During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.  

In a Leipzig elevator:  Do not enter the lift backwards, and only 
when lit up.  

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:  To more the cabin, push wishing 
floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should 
press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going to 
alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front 
desk.

In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the 
office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure 
is the job of the chambermaids.  

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox 
monastery:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous 
Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried 
dailly except Thursday. 

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:  Not to perambulate the 
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you with 
nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm's own make; limpid 
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; 
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country 
people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend 
courageous, efficient self-service.  (Sounds like Halifax!)

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs. 

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:  Drop your trousers here for best 
results. 

Outside a Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is big 
rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. 

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow 
Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and 
sculptors.  These were executed over the past two years. 

In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly 
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of 
their workers. 

In a Vienna hotel:  In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the 
hotel porter. 

In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining 
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that 
the lobby be used for this purpose."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden 
on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for 
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are 
married with each other for that purpose.  

In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other 
diseases."

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by 
the latest Methodists.  

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water 
has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been 
played. 

In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the 
afternoon having a good time.  

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven 
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.  

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to 
ride on your own ass?  

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock 
to right.  

In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies 
from their own skin.  

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to 
work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways,  (Sounds like 
Boston!)  

In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.  

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:   We take our bags and send 
them in all directions.  

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit 
to the USSR, you are welcome to it.  

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:   Ladies are requested not to have 
children in the bar.  

At a Budapest zoo:   Please do not feed the animals.  If you have 
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.  

In an Acapulco hotel:  The manager has personally passed all the 
water served here.  

In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll 
find they are best in the long run.  

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air 
conditioner:  Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of 
warm in your room, please control yourself.  

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of 
foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at 
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with 
vigor.  

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: 
					-- English well talking.  
					-- Here speeching American.  

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