How to Kill an Eel
HOW TO KILL AN EEL (a true story)
Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys
his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about
courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it
was done. One day, he took his questions to his mother, and
she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch
his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the
following morning, Johnny explained everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then
he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and
hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face
started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he
put his hand in her blouse to feel her heart, just like the
doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because
he seemed too have trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of
them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other
hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her
skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch.
This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because
sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick....a
big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped
out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST!
anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and
her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and
stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the
"Anyway", sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by
biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let
the eel go...I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with
both hands and held it while he took a muzzle out of his pocket
and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so that she could get
a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on top of the
eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning
and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I
guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great
sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the
eel...I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and
some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend
were a little tired from the battle, but they went courting on
anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by
golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up
and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats....they
have nine lives or something.
This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by
sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they
finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I
saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the
From: Tugrul Ozturkkal
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