"If operating systems ran airlines"

DOS Airlines:  Passengers are handed maps, compasses, rulers, 
pencils & an airplane manual (shrink wrapped) as they enter the 
plane...Have to figure out how to get the plane to wherever they 
want to go.  Some succeed very well.  Others crash, but they 
shouldn't have been messing around with airplanes anyway.

Macintosh Airlines:  All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, 
baggage handlers & ticket agents look the same, act the same & 
talk the same.  Every time you ask questions about details, you 
are told you don't need to know, don't want to know & everything 
will be done for you without you having to know...so just shut up.

OS/2 Airlines:  To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped 
10 different times by standing in 10 different lines.  Then you 
fill out a form showing where you want to sit & whether it should 
feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus.  If you 
succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in 
getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except times 
when the rudder & flaps get frozen in position...in which case you 
have time to say your prayers & get yourself prepared for the 

Windows Airlines:  The airport terminal is nice & colorful with 
friendly stewards & stewardesses, easy access to the plane and an 
uneventful takeoff...then the plane blows up without any warning 

NT Airlines: (??? What's NT?)  Everyone marches out on the runway, 
says the password in unision & forms the outline of a plane.  Then 
they all sit down & make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

UNIX Airlines:  Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them 
when they come to the airport.  They all go out on the runway & 
put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about 
what kind of plane they are building.


Some Additions:

Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 16:16:39 -0700 From: Rami Harasimowicz To: sss31@columbia.edu Subject: If OS's were Airlines. This is the "If Operating Systems were Airlines" I've seen. It seems funnier IMHO. It does have a few other OS's as well... IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES: DOS AIR All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera. WINDOWS AIRLINES The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning. MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feels the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. OS/2 SKYWAYS The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. FLY WINDOWS NT All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying. WINGS of OS/400 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguable the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club. MVS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get through the hanger doors! *** AND OUR FAVORITE: ***** UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe the got there.
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