The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy
Fathers". Under the governments plan, any married woman who is
unable to become pregnant during the first five years of her
marriage may request the service of a "Proxy Father" a government
employee who attempts to solve the woman's problem by getting her
The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the
government man is due to arrive. Mr. Smith on leaving, says "I'm
off, the Government man should be here soon". INSTEAD, however a
door-to-door photographer who specialises in baby pictures rings
THE CONVERSATION WENT AS FOLLOWS:
Ms.Smith: Good morning.
Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...
Ms.Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told me you
Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of babies,
Ms.Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.
Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that...
Ms.Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.
Salesman: Well, in that case perhaps we should get right on with it.
Ms.Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?
Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple in the
bed. Sometimes the living room floor works well.
Ms.Smith: Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it hasn't
worked for us.
Salesman: Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time, but if we try six or seven times one of 'em is
bound to be a honey.
Ms.Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?
Salesman: No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in a hurry.
Ms.Smith: Well have you had much success with this?
Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just look at
these babies! They're all jobs I've handled. This one
took four hours.
Ms.Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.
Salesman: But if you want to hear about a really tough assignment,
look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on
top of a bus in downtown London.
Ms.Smith: OH MY GOD!!!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town.
They turned out exceptionally well when you consider
that their mother was hard to work with.
Ms.Smith: Oh, she was?
Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to
Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were all
around four and five deep pushing to get a good look.
Ms.Smith: Four and five deep!!!
Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I finally
got a couple of buddies to keep them back. I could've
shot again before dark, but by that time the squirrels
were beginning to nibble on my equipment and I had to
Ms.Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh - equipment?
Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a days work. I've spent three long
years perfecting my technique. Take this baby. I shot
this one in the front window of a big department store.
Ms.Smith: I can't believe it!
Salesman: Well, madam, if your ready, I'll get my tripod.
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on.
It's much too heavy to hold in my hand. Ms.Smith...
Ms.Smith...Ms.Smith... Goodness, she fainted!!!
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