Door-to-door Photographer

  The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has 
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy 
Fathers". Under the governments plan, any married woman who is 
unable to become  pregnant during the first five years of her 
marriage may request the service of a "Proxy Father" a government 
employee who attempts to solve the woman's problem by getting her 
  The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the  
government man is due to arrive.  Mr. Smith on leaving, says "I'm 
off, the Government man should be here soon". INSTEAD, however a  
door-to-door photographer who specialises in baby pictures rings 
the bell.
Ms.Smith: Good morning.

Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...

Ms.Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told me you  
          were coming.

Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of babies, 
          especially twins.

Ms.Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.

Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that...

Ms.Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.

Salesman: Well, in that case perhaps we should get right on with  it.

Ms.Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?

Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
          bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple in the  
          bed. Sometimes the living room floor works well.

Ms.Smith: Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it hasn't  
          worked for us.

Salesman: Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one every  
          time, but if we try six or seven times one of 'em is 
          bound to be a honey.

Ms.Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?

Salesman: No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in a hurry.

Ms.Smith: Well have you had much success with this?

Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just look at  
          these babies! They're all jobs I've handled. This one 
          took four hours.

Ms.Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.

Salesman: But if you want to hear about a really tough assignment,  
          look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on 
          top of  a bus in downtown London.

Ms.Smith: OH MY GOD!!!

Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town.  
          They turned out exceptionally well when you consider 
          that  their mother was hard to work with.

Ms.Smith: Oh, she was?

Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to  
          Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were all 
          around  four and five deep pushing to get a good look.

Ms.Smith: Four and five deep!!!

Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I finally 
          got  a couple of buddies to keep them back. I could've 
          shot  again before dark, but by that time the squirrels 
          were  beginning to nibble on my equipment and I had to 
          give up.

Ms.Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh - equipment?

Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a days work. I've spent three long
          years perfecting my technique. Take this baby. I shot 
          this one in the front window of a big department store.

Ms.Smith: I can't believe it!

Salesman: Well, madam, if your ready, I'll get my tripod.
Ms.Smith: TRIPOD???!!!

Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on.  
          It's much too heavy to hold in my hand. Ms.Smith...  
          Ms.Smith...Ms.Smith... Goodness, she fainted!!!

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