Soap Story

	This is a true story of correspondence that took place 
between a hotel guest and the staff.  The hotel who submitted this 
has a policy of giving free soap to all of its guests.

Dear Maid,
	Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in 
my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please 
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the 
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are 
in my way.  Thank you.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Room 635,
	I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, 
Thursday, from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the 
shower soap dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I 
took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in 
case you should change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I 
left today which are my standing instructions from the management. 
I hope this is satisfactory.
                                     Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,
	Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her 
concerning the little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room 
this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf 
under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for 
two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need 
those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.  They are in my way 
when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove them.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel 
soaps which we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 
soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap 
dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet 
for your convenience.
    I did not remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always 
placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which 
you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let 
me know if I can be of further assistance.
                                     Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,
	The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M. 
that you called ham last evening and said you were unhappy with 
your maid service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I 
hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If 
you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it 
my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5 
P.M.  Thank you .
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,
	It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the 
hotel for business at 7:45 A.M. and don' t get back before 5:30 
P.M.  That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night - you 
were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do 
anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you 
assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since 
she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along 
with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.  In 
just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.  Why 
are you doing this to me?
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap 
to your room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further 
assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00 
P.M.. Thank you.
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,
	My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken 
from my room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in last last 
night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere 
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap 
problem.  I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room 
since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time 
they service a room.  The situation will be rectified immediately.  
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
                            Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
	Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came 
in last night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 
little bars of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  
Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my 
bath-size Dial.  Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them 
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap 
was missing so I personally returned them - the 24 Camays which 
had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.  
I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously 
your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she 
also broguth 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don't know 
where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.  I was 
able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
	Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap 
inventory.  As of today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet - 
     18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 
     7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 & 1 stack of 4, 1 hotel-
     size bath-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. 
Inside medicine cabinet - 
     14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

	Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the 
stacks are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that 
stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that 
my bedroom window sill, which is not in use, will make an 
excellent spot for future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have 
purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the 
hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
                                     S. Berman

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