Pearls of wisdom from my Internet Pals . . .


 
-- Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.
-- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
-- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
-- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
-- Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
-- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
-- There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
-- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
-- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired ofthinking.
-- I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
-- Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
-- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
-- Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
-- If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
-- If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
-- I'd fire you, but I don't mix business with pleasure.
-- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
-- Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
-- Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
-- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
-- COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
-- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
-- 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
-- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
-- Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
-- My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
-- C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
-- C:\DOS   C:\DOS\RUN   RUN\DOS\RUN
-- Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
-- The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

-- BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
-- The name is Baud......, James Baud.
-- BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
-- Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
-- C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
-- Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
-- Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
-- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
-- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
-- Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
-- ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
-- Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
-- A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
-- An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.
-- CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted:  Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
-- A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
-- 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
-- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
-- Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
-- SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
-- Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
-- Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
-- All computers wait at the same speed.
-- DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
-- Press -- to continue ...
-- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
-- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
-- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
-- E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
-- Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
-- Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
-- "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
-- DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
-- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
-- Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
-- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
-- Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
-- REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
-- Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
-- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
-- Read my chips: No new upgrades!
-- Hit any user to continue.
-- 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
-- I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
-- Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
-- Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
-- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
-- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
-- (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
-- (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
-- If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be 
   the process of putting them in.
-- Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

-- Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with 
   inanimate objects.
-- Real programmers don't document.  If it was hard to write, it should be 
   hard to understand."
 -- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 
-- 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
-- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
-- ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
-- A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
-- I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
-- The beatings will continue until morale improves.
-- Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
-- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
-- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
-- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
-- Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
-- Help Wanted: Telepath.  You know where to apply.
-- Look out for #1.  Don't step in #2 either.
-- Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Do witches run spell checkers?
-- Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
-- Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd.  All wights wesewved.
-- Department of Redundancy Department
-- Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
-- What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.
-- <-------- The information went data way -------->
-- E Pluribus Modem
-- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
-- 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
-- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
-- RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
-- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?



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