Sean X. Luo
Post-postmodern Nonsense
About Me | Research | Clinical Work | Other Interests | C.V. | Contact
| Diary of a narcoleptic dog by SEAN LUO April 27, 2003 October 10th It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm up and writing this because I can't fall asleep. All that is in my mind is this Wiggly Giggle ball that I played with briefly at Petsmart. It made this funny squeegee noise that just killed me. I thought I could've played with it at home, or at the park, by myself when nobody else's looking at me and I didn't have to pretend and try to make anybody happy. God, if I had it, that'll be it, that'll be the end of my days as an ingratiating little pet with no backbone. When they want me to fetch I'll give them a blank glance and play with my own Giggle ball...I'm getting really sleepy now October 13th I started to get really drowsy in the middle of the day for no reason. Luckily nobody was at home at the time. I was staring at the gratuitously beautiful reflection of my smooth silky hairy body off the dark TV screen. I was self-absorbed, the last possible moment I thought I'd fall asleep. But a sudden urge to crash overcame me and my legs lost muscle tone. I woke up feeling refreshed again. It was an odd episode but I don't think...I hate dog food. October 14th Things are getting odd. Today the little boy who's supposed to take care of me set me off to the backyard to relieve myself. I was in the middle of it, and fell asleep on my own excrements. The boy was shocked and informed his father. They made me take an unscheduled bath, which was really unpleasant. They thought I just tripped myself. Truth be told it did look like it too, but I knew better. I was having hallucinations of a big scarily looking German Shepard's paw laying on my head, and ready to crush my skull in the next instant. Though I woke myself up the moment my hip hit the ground, so it wasn't too obvious. I wonder if I could get other, more pleasant hallucinations, like the ones with colors and flying curves and so forth. October 18th I fell asleep on the subway today. I usually am quite alert on the train because of the noise, and as they always get off at the same stop, I can almost always smell it and bark to their alarm when they fall asleep. I'm a bit snotty about being a smart dog. Some dogs are just not built for that sort of thing. But not today...when the train went over the bridge back underground I guess it was just too dark and I couldn't keep my upper eyelid from touching the lower, and lost consciousness. They tried to drag me off the train, and I barely woke up...so they missed the stop and got mad. I felt bad about it and kept on giving that swerved whimpering until the mother started moaning again. Pretend to be cute and submissive always gets me out of trouble. October 20th Something really embarrassing happened today. I was at the dog park and a female member of my species showed an unusual interest in me. She was sniffing, wiggling her tail, making small moaning sounds—-all the right signs. Could it be that she was indeed attracted to me? But so it happened I got really nervous and all of the sudden I couldn't control my body and thumped on the grass, paralyzed. I tried to bark but couldn't. She looked at me with a mix of awe and distain, and ran away with some hot shot bulldog who was eyeing her since the daybreak. Well, it was her loss anyway...and you can't blame me, I mean, the conversation--ugh, can you say boring. October 23rd The family finally decided to take me to the doctor because my sleep issues start to interfere significantly with daily activities-—when they want to play with me I often just doze off most unexpectedly. At the park today the boy threw my least favorite Frisbee hoop real high...it was like the twentieth time...but god knows what they'd do, so I ran for it pretending to be all happy...Hypons took possession of me...and when they ran over to check me out-—I was sleeping like a baby. October 24th The doctor hooked me up to a bunch of wires and meters and expected me to fall asleep with it. I couldn't. He couldn't come up with a precise diagnosis. He recommended antidepressants. I failed to see the logic when one of the side effects I heard on TV was drowsiness. Luckily I have dog health insurance and it covers whatever drug the doctor prescribes. He also suggested Ritalin, possibly methamphetamine and signed me up for psychotherapy. I'd never remember when to take these. October 30th The drugs didn't help at all. But I've discovered a cure empirically. One morning I honestly tripped over the father inadvertently. The coffee in his cup spilled all over the floor. He was yapping and cursing, damaging my self-esteem--he was the one reading so the newspaper so intently and didn't see me! I figured that to ameliorate the consequences I'd have to clean it up. So I wiped the coffee off the floor with my tongue. The guy put in way too much sugar, no wonder he has a tummy now. But in any case, it was surprisingly delectable and I didn't feel sleepy one bit during the day—in fact I never felt so hyper! The boy noticed it and told me in secret that he's going make me drink coffee instead of water from now on. Joy! |