RecentChanges

diff --git a/history/people/maya_meredith.mdwn b/history/people/maya_meredith.mdwn
index 62cd47d..ddbc533 100644
--- a/history/people/maya_meredith.mdwn
+++ b/history/people/maya_meredith.mdwn
@@ -2,10 +2,10 @@
 [[!meta title="Maya Meredith"]]
 [[!table class="person" header="column" data="""
 School:|CC
-Major:|undeclared/none
+Major:|English
 Year:|2014
 Moniker:|none
-[[Board|board]] Role:|none
+[[Board|board]] Role:|Scriba
 [[Blog|planet]]:|no
 [[Twitter|twitterplanet]]:|no
 """]]

diff --git a/people/amitai_schlair.mdwn b/people/amitai_schlair.mdwn
index edfe5d4..f7c4792 100644
--- a/people/amitai_schlair.mdwn
+++ b/people/amitai_schlair.mdwn
@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ twitter_feedurl="http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/11264112.rss"
 ### Current positions
 
 * [[Geezer]]
-* Secretary of the Philolexian Foundation
+* President of the Philolexian Foundation
 
 ### Former positions (that I can remember)
 

diff --git a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
index 3afe783..78d958b 100644
--- a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
+++ b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
@@ -5,7 +5,6 @@ school="CC"
 graduation_year="2012"
 moniker="Kruton or Barrakruta"
 Board Role="[[Moderator]]"
-blog_url="jkruton.tumblr.com"
 twitter_url="http://twitter.com/#!/Jkruton"
 ]]
 

diff --git a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
index 78d958b..3afe783 100644
--- a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
+++ b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
@@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ school="CC"
 graduation_year="2012"
 moniker="Kruton or Barrakruta"
 Board Role="[[Moderator]]"
+blog_url="jkruton.tumblr.com"
 twitter_url="http://twitter.com/#!/Jkruton"
 ]]
 

diff --git a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
index 8bb3079..78d958b 100644
--- a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
+++ b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ twitter_url="http://twitter.com/#!/Jkruton"
 ]]
 
 ### Current positions
-* [[Scriba]]
+* [[Moderator]]
 
 * [[Full Member|full_member]]
 

diff --git a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
index 2672bb6..8bb3079 100644
--- a/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
+++ b/people/jason_kruta.mdwn
@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ major="History"
 school="CC"
 graduation_year="2012"
 moniker="Kruton or Barrakruta"
-Board Role="[[Scriba]]"
+Board Role="[[Moderator]]"
 twitter_url="http://twitter.com/#!/Jkruton"
 ]]
 
@@ -14,6 +14,7 @@ twitter_url="http://twitter.com/#!/Jkruton"
 * [[Full Member|full_member]]
 
 ### Former positions
+* [[Scriba]]
 * [[Minister of Propaganda]]
 * [[Herald]]
 * [[Tea Marm]]

diff --git a/history/formerboards.mdwn b/history/formerboards.mdwn
index 1fa2a93..21d3ada 100644
--- a/history/formerboards.mdwn
+++ b/history/formerboards.mdwn
@@ -13,9 +13,9 @@
      <TH>[[Sergeant-At-Arms]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Minister of Internet Truth]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Quaestor]]</TH>
-     <TH>[[Symposiarch]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Tea Marm]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Broad Abroad]]</TH>
+     <TH>[[Symposiarch]]</TH>
      </TR>
 <TR> <TH>Spring 2012</TH>
      <TD>[[Jason Kruta]]</TD>
@@ -31,9 +31,9 @@
      <TD>[[people/Adam_Wilson]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Justin Owen]] & [[people/Jacob_Andreas]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Jack Goetz]]</TD>
-     <TD>[[people/Suzanne Walker]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Maya_Meredith]] & [[people/Celia_Cooper]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Will_ford]]<TD>
+     <TD>[[people/Suzanne Walker]]</TD>
 <TR> <TH>Fall 2011</TH>
      <TD>[[people/Gavin_mcgown]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Ben_bardin]]</TD>

diff --git a/history/formerboards.mdwn b/history/formerboards.mdwn
index 19cb0c0..1fa2a93 100644
--- a/history/formerboards.mdwn
+++ b/history/formerboards.mdwn
@@ -13,6 +13,7 @@
      <TH>[[Sergeant-At-Arms]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Minister of Internet Truth]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Quaestor]]</TH>
+     <TH>[[Symposiarch]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Tea Marm]]</TH>
      <TH>[[Broad Abroad]]</TH>
      </TR>
@@ -28,9 +29,10 @@
      <TD>[[people/Ben_bardin]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Alison_Macke]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Adam_Wilson]]</TD>
-     <TD>[[people/Justin Owen]] & [[people/Jacob Andreas]]</TD>
-     <TD>[[TBD]]</TD>
-     <TD>[[people/Maya_Meredith]]</TD>
+     <TD>[[people/Justin Owen]] & [[people/Jacob_Andreas]]</TD>
+     <TD>[[people/Jack Goetz]]</TD>
+     <TD>[[people/Suzanne Walker]]</TD>
+     <TD>[[people/Maya_Meredith]] & [[people/Celia_Cooper]]</TD>
      <TD>[[people/Will_ford]]<TD>
 <TR> <TH>Fall 2011</TH>
      <TD>[[people/Gavin_mcgown]]</TD>

diff --git a/people/will_ford.mdwn b/people/will_ford.mdwn
index 00499f2..99d15e2 100644
--- a/people/will_ford.mdwn
+++ b/people/will_ford.mdwn
@@ -5,15 +5,17 @@ major="EALAC"
 graduation_year="2013"
 moniker="Brohann Sebastian Bach"
 role="Chancellor of the Exchequer"
-blog_url="http://williamjh.tumblr.com"
+blog_url="http://comradewill.tumblr.com"
 twitter_url="http://twitter.com/will_ford/"
 twitter_feedurl="http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/21857799.rss"
 ]]
 
 ##Literary Exercises
+"Running In Fangshan"
 
 ### Current position
-* Spring '11: [[Chancellor of the Exchequer]]
+* Fall '11, Spring '12: [[Broad Abroad]] (at Tsinghua University, Beijing, China)
 
 ### Former positions
+* Spring '11: [[Chancellor of the Exchequer]]
 * Fall '10: [[Chancellor of the Exchequer]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index c96ed98..2bacb03 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ feeds=no
 
 <img src="images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" />
 
-##Resolved: I have the best face.##
+##Resolved: Everyone is better off naked.##
 
 _Date:_ 29 March 2012
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index ebe4513..c96ed98 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ feeds=no
 
 ##Resolved: I have the best face.##
 
-_Date:_ 21 March 2012
+_Date:_ 29 March 2012
 
 _Time:_ 8:30 PM (arrive early for free snacks!)
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index ea565d8..ebe4513 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ feeds=no
 
 <img src="images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" />
 
-##Resolved: Art is good.##
+##Resolved: I have the best face.##
 
 _Date:_ 21 March 2012
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0dc4a2c..ea565d8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,9 +23,9 @@ feeds=no
 
 <img src="images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" />
 
-##Resolved: There's nothing wrong with heterosexuality.##
+##Resolved: Art is good.##
 
-_Date:_ 1 March 2012
+_Date:_ 21 March 2012
 
 _Time:_ 8:30 PM (arrive early for free snacks!)
 

diff --git a/literary_exercise.mdwn b/literary_exercise.mdwn
index 0169752..d2873b9 100644
--- a/literary_exercise.mdwn
+++ b/literary_exercise.mdwn
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@ as such is to be accorded appropriately high esteem.
 ####Spring 2010
 * [[20100225.pdf]], [[Julian Fraga]]
 * [[20100218.pdf]], [[Fred Jennings]]
-* [[20100211.pdf]], [[Ezra Schrage]]
+* [[20100211]], [[Ezra Schrage]]
 * [[20100128.pdf]], ???
 * [[20100121.pdf]], [[Stephen Blair]]
 
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ as such is to be accorded appropriately high esteem.
 * [[20091029.pdf]], [[Brooke Rosen]]
 * 20091015.pdf, [[Fred Jennings]]
 * [[20091008.pdf]], [[Bianca Isaias]]
-* [[20090924.pdf]], [[Ezra Schrage]]: "What's Best"
+* [[20090924]], [[Ezra Schrage]]: "What's Best"
 
 ####Spring 2009
 * [[20090416]], Mr. [[Schmonz]]: "Medtner, music, and me" 

diff --git a/literary_exercise/20090924.pdf b/literary_exercise/20090924.pdf
deleted file mode 100644
index 51fde89..0000000
Binary files a/literary_exercise/20090924.pdf and /dev/null differ
diff --git a/literary_exercise/20100211.pdf b/literary_exercise/20100211.pdf
deleted file mode 100644
index a206283..0000000
Binary files a/literary_exercise/20100211.pdf and /dev/null differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 42b1949..0dc4a2c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,9 +23,9 @@ feeds=no
 
 <img src="images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" />
 
-##Resolved: 'They did it in the Bible' is a legitimate excuse for our moral failings.##
+##Resolved: There's nothing wrong with heterosexuality.##
 
-_Date:_ 23 February 2012
+_Date:_ 1 March 2012
 
 _Time:_ 8:30 PM (arrive early for free snacks!)
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e1338f9..42b1949 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 [[!meta robots="index, follow"]]
-[[!meta title="The Philolexian Society"]]
+[[!meta title=""]]
 
 <!--
 [[!aggregate
diff --git a/templates/front_page.tmpl b/templates/front_page.tmpl
deleted file mode 100644
index e9fdbaf..0000000
--- a/templates/front_page.tmpl
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,128 +0,0 @@
-<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
- "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
-<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
-<head>
-	<TMPL_IF DYNAMIC>
-	<TMPL_IF FORCEBASEURL><base href="<TMPL_VAR FORCEBASEURL>" /><TMPL_ELSE>
-	<TMPL_IF BASEURL><base href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>" /></TMPL_IF>
-	</TMPL_IF>
-	</TMPL_IF>
-	<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
-	<meta http-equiv="Cache-Control" content="must-revalidate" />
-	<title>Philowixian - <TMPL_VAR TITLE></title>
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="FAVICON">
-	<link rel="icon" href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>images/<TMPL_VAR FAVICON>" type="image/x-icon" />
-	</TMPL_IF>
-	<link rel="stylesheet" href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>style.css" type="text/css" />
-	<link rel="stylesheet" href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>reset.css" type="text/css" />
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="LOCAL_CSS">
-	<link rel="stylesheet" href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL><TMPL_VAR LOCAL_CSS>" type="text/css" />
-	<TMPL_ELSE>
-	<link rel="stylesheet" href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>local.css" type="text/css" />
-	</TMPL_IF>
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="EDITURL">
-	<link rel="alternate" type="application/x-wiki" title="Edit this page" href="<TMPL_VAR EDITURL>" />
-	</TMPL_IF>
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="FEEDLINKS"><TMPL_VAR FEEDLINKS></TMPL_IF>
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="RELVCS"><TMPL_VAR RELVCS></TMPL_IF>
-	<TMPL_IF NAME="META"><TMPL_VAR META></TMPL_IF>
-	
-	<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>jquery.js"></script>
-	<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript">
-		var emptyForm = function(form_id) {
-			$('#'+form_id).focus();
-			$('#'+form_id).val('');
-		}
-	</script>
-</head>
-<body>
-	<div id="wixian_content">
-		<div id="page_header">
-			<div class="center"><img src="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" /></div>
-		</div>
-		<div id="article_content" class="article">
-			<TMPL_VAR CONTENT>
-		</div>
-		<div id="footer">
-			<TMPL_UNLESS DYNAMIC>
-			<hr />
-			<p>Want to find out more about the Philolexian Society? Join our whip list!</p>
-			<form method="post" action="http://lists.philo.org/subscribe.cgi/philo-events-announce-philo.org">
-			<input type="text" class="inlined input-text" id="emailbox" name="email" size="30" value="Your e-mail address" onclick="emptyForm('emailbox');" />
-			<input type="submit" name="email-button" value="Subscribe" />
-			</form>
-			<hr />
-			<p>This site is that fabled home of <a href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>" title="Visit the homepage">The Philolexian Society of Columbia University</a>.</p>
-			<TMPL_IF COPYRIGHT>
-			<p class="pagecopyright">
-			<a name="pagecopyright"></a>
-			<TMPL_VAR COPYRIGHT>
-			</p>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-			
-			<TMPL_IF LICENSE>
-			<p class="pagelicense">
-			<a name="pagelicense"></a>
-			License: <TMPL_VAR LICENSE>
-			</p>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-			
-			<TMPL_IF NAME="HAVE_ACTIONS">
-			<p>
-			<TMPL_IF NAME="RECENTCHANGESURL">
-			&bull; <a href="<TMPL_VAR RECENTCHANGESURL>" title="View recent changes to the Wixian">Recent Site Changes</a>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-			<TMPL_IF NAME="GETSOURCEURL">
-			&bull; <a href="<TMPL_VAR GETSOURCEURL>" title="View the source that generated this page">Page Source</a>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-			<TMPL_IF NAME="PREFSURL">
-			&bull; <a href="<TMPL_VAR PREFSURL>" title="Edit your Wixian preferences">Site Preferences</a>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-			&bull;</p>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-		</div>
-	</div>
-	<div id="wixian_topbar">
-		<div id="search">
-			<TMPL_IF NAME="SEARCHFORM">
-			<TMPL_VAR SEARCHFORM>
-			</TMPL_IF>
-		</div>
-	</div>
-	<div id="wixian_sidebar">
-		<div id="barlogo"><img src="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>images/sidebar_logo.png" alt="The seal of the Philolexian Society" /></div>
-		<a href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>">
-		<div id="wixian_title" class="popover tall name"><div class="popover contents">The Philolexian Society</div></div>
-		</a>
-		<div class="sidebar_menu">
-			<ul>
-				<li><a href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>phlog">The Phlog</a></li>
-				<li><a href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>surgam">Surgam!</a></li>
-				<li><a href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>tags/philolexicon/">Philolexicon</a></li>
-				<li><a href="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2200038780">Phacebook</a></li>
-			</ul>
-		</div>
-		<TMPL_IF NAME="HAVE_ACTIONS">
-		<div class="popover short"><div class="popover contents">This Page</div></div>
-		<div class="sidebar_menu">
-			<ul>
-				<TMPL_IF NAME="EDITURL">
-				<li><a href="<TMPL_VAR EDITURL>" rel="nofollow" title="Edit this page's content">Edit</a></li>
-				</TMPL_IF>
-				<TMPL_IF NAME="HISTORYURL">
-				<li><a href="<TMPL_VAR HISTORYURL>" title="View this page's revision history">History</a></li>
-				</TMPL_IF>
-				<TMPL_IF NAME="COMMENTSLINK">
-				<li><TMPL_VAR COMMENTSLINK><br /></li>
-				<TMPL_ELSE>
-				<TMPL_IF NAME="DISCUSSIONLINK">
-				<li><TMPL_VAR DISCUSSIONLINK><br /></li>
-				</TMPL_IF>
-				</TMPL_IF>
-			</ul>
-		</div>
-		</TMPL_IF>
-	</TMPL_UNLESS>
-	</div>
-</body>
-</html>
diff --git a/templates/page.tmpl b/templates/page.tmpl
index 62e2186..5f9750e 100644
--- a/templates/page.tmpl
+++ b/templates/page.tmpl
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@
 			</h1>
 			<div id="modified_date">Last Modified: <TMPL_VAR MTIME></div>
 			<hr />
-			<div id="subclass">Part of 
+			<div id="subclass">
 				<TMPL_LOOP NAME="PARENTLINKS">
 				<a href="<TMPL_VAR URL>"><TMPL_VAR PAGE></a>, 
 				</TMPL_LOOP>

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 2ae8026..e1338f9 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,6 +1,5 @@
 [[!meta robots="index, follow"]]
 [[!meta title="The Philolexian Society"]]
-[[!pagetemplate template="front_page.tmpl"]]
 
 <!--
 [[!aggregate
@@ -22,6 +21,8 @@ feeds=no
 
 <center>
 
+<img src="images/oldy_title.png" alt="Welcome to that Fabled Home of the Philolexian Society" />
+
 ##Resolved: 'They did it in the Bible' is a legitimate excuse for our moral failings.##
 
 _Date:_ 23 February 2012

diff --git a/templates/front_page.tmpl b/templates/front_page.tmpl
index 7b82ec6..e9fdbaf 100644
--- a/templates/front_page.tmpl
+++ b/templates/front_page.tmpl
@@ -2,6 +2,11 @@
  "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
 <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
 <head>
+	<TMPL_IF DYNAMIC>
+	<TMPL_IF FORCEBASEURL><base href="<TMPL_VAR FORCEBASEURL>" /><TMPL_ELSE>
+	<TMPL_IF BASEURL><base href="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>" /></TMPL_IF>
+	</TMPL_IF>
+	</TMPL_IF>
 	<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
 	<meta http-equiv="Cache-Control" content="must-revalidate" />
 	<title>Philowixian - <TMPL_VAR TITLE></title>
@@ -22,8 +27,8 @@
 	<TMPL_IF NAME="RELVCS"><TMPL_VAR RELVCS></TMPL_IF>
 	<TMPL_IF NAME="META"><TMPL_VAR META></TMPL_IF>
 	
-	<script language="javascript" src="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>jquery.js"></script>
-	<script language="javascript">
+	<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="<TMPL_VAR BASEURL>jquery.js"></script>
+	<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript">
 		var emptyForm = function(form_id) {
 			$('#'+form_id).focus();
 			$('#'+form_id).val('');
@@ -39,9 +44,10 @@
 			<TMPL_VAR CONTENT>
 		</div>
 		<div id="footer">
+			<TMPL_UNLESS DYNAMIC>
 			<hr />
 			<p>Want to find out more about the Philolexian Society? Join our whip list!</p>
-			<form method="POST" action="http://lists.philo.org/subscribe.cgi/philo-events-announce-philo.org">
+			<form method="post" action="http://lists.philo.org/subscribe.cgi/philo-events-announce-philo.org">
 			<input type="text" class="inlined input-text" id="emailbox" name="email" size="30" value="Your e-mail address" onclick="emptyForm('emailbox');" />
 			<input type="submit" name="email-button" value="Subscribe" />
 			</form>
@@ -116,6 +122,7 @@
 			</ul>
 		</div>
 		</TMPL_IF>
+	</TMPL_UNLESS>
 	</div>
 </body>
 </html>
diff --git a/templates/page.tmpl b/templates/page.tmpl
index 0bf8467..62e2186 100644
--- a/templates/page.tmpl
+++ b/templates/page.tmpl
@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
-<!DOCTYPE html>
-<html>
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
 <head>
 	<TMPL_IF DYNAMIC>
 	<TMPL_IF FORCEBASEURL><base href="<TMPL_VAR FORCEBASEURL>" /><TMPL_ELSE>

diff --git a/tags.mdwn b/tags.mdwn
index 3e0ed96..7573d06 100644
--- a/tags.mdwn
+++ b/tags.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,3 @@
 [[!pagestats pages="tags/*"]]
 
-Mainly useful for [[Phlog]].
+Mainly useful for [[/Phlog]].

diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index 37c62e4..37675e6 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-[[!pagestats pages="tags/*"]]
-
 Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!
 
 __Phlog more!__ Feel free to post whatever you want, but exercise some
diff --git a/tags.mdwn b/tags.mdwn
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3e0ed96
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tags.mdwn
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+[[!pagestats pages="tags/*"]]
+
+Mainly useful for [[Phlog]].

diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index 33d06c3..37c62e4 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
 [[!pagestats pages="tags/*"]]
-[[!template id=note text="""[[!calendar]]"""]]
 
 Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!
 

diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index f0131fc..33d06c3 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
+[[!pagestats pages="tags/*"]]
 [[!template id=note text="""[[!calendar]]"""]]
 
 Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!

diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index 278a28f..f0131fc 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -21,4 +21,5 @@ discretion. Short stories, yes. Naked photos of yourself, no.
 [[!inline
 pages="(./phlog/*)"
 description="The Phlog"
+rootpage="phlog"
 ]]

diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index 0417e31..278a28f 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+[[!template id=note text="""[[!calendar]]"""]]
+
 Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!
 
 __Phlog more!__ Feel free to post whatever you want, but exercise some

diff --git a/archives/2012.mdwn b/archives/2012.mdwn
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..93e8007
--- /dev/null
+++ b/archives/2012.mdwn
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+[[!calendar type=year year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=01 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(01) and creation_year(2012) and phlog/*" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
diff --git a/archives/2012/02.mdwn b/archives/2012/02.mdwn
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+"""]]
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diff --git a/archives/2012/04.mdwn b/archives/2012/04.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=04 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(04) and creation_year(2012) and phlog/*" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
diff --git a/archives/2012/05.mdwn b/archives/2012/05.mdwn
new file mode 100644
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+[[!calendar type=month month=05 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
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diff --git a/archives/2012/06.mdwn b/archives/2012/06.mdwn
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+++ b/archives/2012/06.mdwn
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+"""]]
+
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diff --git a/archives/2012/07.mdwn b/archives/2012/07.mdwn
new file mode 100644
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+"""]]
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diff --git a/archives/2012/08.mdwn b/archives/2012/08.mdwn
new file mode 100644
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+++ b/archives/2012/08.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=08 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(08) and creation_year(2012) and phlog/*" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
diff --git a/archives/2012/09.mdwn b/archives/2012/09.mdwn
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+++ b/archives/2012/09.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=09 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(09) and creation_year(2012) and phlog/*" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
diff --git a/archives/2012/10.mdwn b/archives/2012/10.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=10 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(10) and creation_year(2012) and phlog/*" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
diff --git a/archives/2012/11.mdwn b/archives/2012/11.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=11 year=2012 pages="phlog/*"]]
+"""]]
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diff --git a/archives/2012/12.mdwn b/archives/2012/12.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
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diff --git a/phlog.mdwn b/phlog.mdwn
index 54f0e98..0417e31 100644
--- a/phlog.mdwn
+++ b/phlog.mdwn
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
-Any full Philo is welcome to post on the [Phlog](http://philolexian.blogspot.com)!
+Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!
 
-__Phlog more!__ [Feel free to post](http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=11686457) whatever you want, but exercise some discretion. Short stories, yes. Naked photos of yourself, no.
+__Phlog more!__ Feel free to post whatever you want, but exercise some
+discretion. Short stories, yes. Naked photos of yourself, no.
 
 #### Some ideas:
 
@@ -15,15 +16,7 @@ __Phlog more!__ [Feel free to post](http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=
 * drawings
 * your heart and soul
 
-[[!aggregate
-name="Phlog"
-dir="phlog"
-url="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/"
-feedurl="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default"
-tag="phlog"
-]]
-
 [[!inline
-pages="internal(./phlog/*)"
-description="Philo: Experimental Phlog Aggregator"
+pages="(./phlog/*)"
+description="The Phlog"
 ]]
diff --git a/phlog/._aggregated b/phlog/._aggregated
deleted file mode 100644
index aa3e475..0000000
--- a/phlog/._aggregated
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,11 +0,0 @@
-<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11686457-1663777449587311652?l=philolexian.blogspot.com" alt='' /></div>
-
-[[!tag phlog]]
-
-
-
-[[!meta permalink="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2010/05/colorful-nude.html"]]
-
-
-[[!meta author="Phlog"]]
-[[!meta authorurl="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/"]]
diff --git a/phlog/2000/01/philolexian-society-events-calendar.html b/phlog/2000/01/philolexian-society-events-calendar.html
new file mode 100644
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@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+
+[[!meta title="Philolexian Society Events Calendar"]]
+[[!meta date="2000-01-02T02:12:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2000-01-02T02:12:00"]]
+[[!tag ]]
+		
+ The Winner 2004:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">(For Mrs. Henry Mills Alden)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">or:  deep thoughts on laundry</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">or:  repeating random nouns and then attaching that same noun to some profound emotion is comedic gold, the gold of joy.<br /></span>By Joshua Schwartz GS '08<br /><br />Ahhhhh the taste of victory<br />I always imagined it would taste more like tiramisu<br />Or a cinnamon rugelach<br />Or the salty elixir squeezed from the saturated uniforms of the victims<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />Riding the roller coaster of love creates within my bosom<br />This pleasant buzz in my<br />Nether regions (the auxiliary nether regions I keep in my bosom)<br />Like if one were to sit on a blender<br />A  blender of joy<br />Set on the puree<br />of bliss.<br />In my heart are the sprites of happiness and their laughter<br />Warms my cockles as only true love can<br />True love and microwave burritos.<br />Happy and bright:<br />Like the sun shining on the faces<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />While sitting on the dryer, I begin to<br />Meditate about death and the innate absurdity of life.<br />There is no hope and love is false, I cry<br />As I weep into the snuggles,<br />The snuggles of despair.<br />Like the despair that gives me joy that makes me curious that bit the dog that ate schroedingers cat<br />And killed god<br />when I see it on the faces<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />In deep thought, I return from the Laundromat of my soul<br />Where I pick up the blazer of my spirit and the khakis of my heart<br />And the afghan of despair<br />I realize:<br />I hardly knew my soul at all.<br /><br />And he is Korean.<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />Runner Up<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Childhood Memories and Songs of Experience of George Prescott </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bush, the Young, Half-Mexican Grandson of President George Bush the </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">First, Nephew of President George Bush the Second, and Possible Future </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">First Latino President of the United States</span><br />by Edward Rueda CC '05<br /><br />I remember the house of mi abuelo,<br />my grandfather Jorge, a large casa blanca,<br />a house as white as the supper's soft, white tortillas<br />I see my grandfather Jorge<br />strong as a bull in a bullfighting ring,<br />driving the English springer spaniels across the front lawn,<br />like soft tortillas across guacamole grass<br />I see my grandfather in his aviator glasses<br />hard, unbending, quite unlike tortillas,<br />I see him wearing an enchilada suit<br />as he spoke in taco shell press conferences<br />in the red mole rose garden<br /><br />I see mi abuela, my grandmother Bárbara<br />standing next to mi abuelo Jorge<br />in the red mole rose garden<br />I see her soft, white, curly hair<br />and her soft, white, round necklace of pearls<br />like tortillas, soft, white, curled<br />and stacked on top of more soft, white, round tortillas.<br />My grandmother's skin is like tortillas,<br />soft, round, made of corn and flour from the earth<br />my grandmother Bárbara has the strength of the earth<br />in her hands, as she lifts fine china,<br />fine, tortilla-white china filled with dinnertime tortillas.<br /><br />But mi abuelo Jorge has hard news to tell,<br />hard like deep-fried tacos is the news of war<br />war that must take place in the land of the tostados,<br />war that he planned with my uncle, Tío Cheney<br />I see my see my grandfather talking to my Tío Cheney<br />Tío Cheney, dressed in a black bean black suit<br />wincing from the plaque in his arteries<br />thick plaque, hard and white, like old tortillas.<br />My grandfather says this war may be bad, and not soft,<br />But if every man fought in the distant land of sand so white,<br />Soon peace in our world would come around,<br />a peace we could all look forward to, like our supper, like tortillas<br /><br />After the news conference, my grandfather Jorge<br />takes off his aviator glasses, hard unlike tortillas,<br />sets me on his knee, a knee like a burrito<br />and tells me, "nieto, grandson,<br />you may one day run this casa grande, this casa blanca<br />and if you lead this casa blanca into war,<br />remember: God has made you a Jorge Bush<br />you are strong and solid like a burrito,<br />you are stuffed with good inside, like a burrito,<br />you have a tough skin, like a burrito<br />but most of all, you have a heart<br />that is strong and pure and white and good, like tortillas."<br /><br />Now my uncle, Tío Jorge, runs the casa blanca,<br />strong like a bullfighter in a bullfighting ring,<br />he plays golf on the green guacamole grass.<br />I see my uncle Jorge, who's as fun as a fiesta,<br />giving a speech in the red mole rose garden,<br />now he must share words as hard as deep-fried tacos.<br />War must take place in the land of the tostados,<br />war that he planned with my uncle, Tío Cheney<br />I see my Tío Jorge talking to Tío Cheney<br />Tío Cheney, dressed in a black bean black suit<br />wincing from the plaque in his arteries<br />thick plaque, hard and white, like old tortillas.<br />Tío Jorge says that war is good,<br />good for lands so hot with sand so white,<br />hot, white, sand all around, hot and white, like tortillas.<br /><br />After the news conference, my uncle Jorge<br />takes off his baseball sombrero, to say to me,<br />"Sobrino, nephew, you may one day run<br />this casa grande, this casa blanca<br />and if you lead this casa blanca into war,<br />remember: you are a Jorge Bush<br />you are not to be evil, like the burrito<br />you need to be stuffed with liberty and freedom, like the burrito<br />you need an evil-repellent skin, like the burrito<br />you need God to continually bless you, like the burrito,<br />and most of all, your heart needs not to be evil,<br />but soft and pure and white, like tortillas."<br /><br />These words, made of corn, made of earth, are strong,<br />like a bull: big, strong, white, pure, round,<br />like tortillas.<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Runner Up<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I Love Little Pussy </span><br />by Mike Ilardi CC '05 (With Illustrations by Edward Rueda CC '05)<br /><br />What follows is a brief anthology of sequels to the 19th century nursery rhyme I Love Little Pussy, a piece intended to teach children proper care for their cats. Children today have all manner of exotic creatures in their care, so I felt it necessary to pen a few updated versions of the old classic.  First, the original:<br /><br />"I Love Little Pussy"<br />I love little pussy,<br />Her coat is so warm,<br />And if I don't hurt her,<br />She'll do me no harm.<br />So I'll not pull her tail,<br />Nor drive her away,<br />But pussy and I,<br />Very gently will play.<br /><br />And now for the sequels:<br /><br />"I Love Little Cock"<br />I love little cock,<br />His beak is so long,<br />And when I stroke him,<br />He does me no wrong.<br />So I'll not rumple his feathers,<br />Nor tug him too quick,<br />He'll come when I call him,<br />For I've named him Dick.<br /><br />"I Love Little Beaver"<br />I Love Little Beaver,<br />Her fur is so wet,<br />And though she smells fishy,<br />She's so fun to pet.<br />So I'll not burst her dam,<br />If she gnaws on my wood.<br />Gee, little beaver,<br />you're always so good!<br /><br />"I Love Little Bearded Clam"<br />I love little bearded clam,<br />Her shell is so tight,<br />And if I feed her,<br />she'll clamp down every night.<br />So I'll not pry her open,<br />I'll be kind instead,<br />I'll drape a pearl necklace<br />Over her head!<br /><br />"I Love Little Trouser Snake"<br />I love little trouser snake,<br />He slithers up my pants,<br />And when I play my flute,<br />Trouser snake does his dance.<br />So I'll not tie him in knots,<br />Nor pull him too hard,<br />For my trouser snake<br />is nearly one yard!
+ <iframe src="http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?mode=AGENDA&amp;height=600&amp;wkst=1&amp;bgcolor=%23FFFFFF&amp;src=philolexian.society%40gmail.com&amp;color=%238C500B&amp;ctz=America%2FNew_York" style=" border-width:0 " width="800" height="600" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>
diff --git a/phlog/2004/12/kilmer-2004-entry.html b/phlog/2004/12/kilmer-2004-entry.html
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e39226c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/phlog/2004/12/kilmer-2004-entry.html
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+
+[[!meta title="Kilmer 2004: an entry"]]
+[[!meta date="2004-12-16T04:59:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2004-12-16T04:59:00"]]
+[[!tag kilmer]]
+		
+ <span style="font-weight:bold;">An Untitled Poem,<br />Dedicated to Madame Blavatsky, the founder of Theosophy<br />(a 19th Century religious movement which sought to bring the great works of Hindu literature to the West)</span><br />by Everett Patterson, CC ’06, Poet Laureate 2003-2004<br /><br />Madame<br />Madame Madame<br />Madame Madame Madame Madame Madame<br />Madame Blavatsky, Bladame Mavatsky<br />Matsky Vblastky, Vatsky Blmatsky<br /><br />Madame Blavatsky, you founded Theosophy<br />Madame Vbladame Blvadame Blevosophy<br />Ossify, Blasphemous, Vasphemous Prophecy!<br />Amorous Blat, Philosophic Apostrophe<br /><br />Blatsky Mvatsky, Gosamer Gastby<br />Philosopher Phosphorus Bosphorus Patsy<br />Bosphorus Bosphorus Constantinosophy!<br />Blossoming Prosperous Trotsky Philosophy<br />Phenomenological Loss, Mephistopholes<br /><br />Blatsky, Vmatsky, Banana-fanna-fo-fatsky<br />…Lavatsky, Madame B<br />Madame Blavatsky-Shmavatsky
diff --git a/phlog/2005/11/kilmer-2003.html b/phlog/2005/11/kilmer-2003.html
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6c09fce
--- /dev/null
+++ b/phlog/2005/11/kilmer-2003.html
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+
+[[!meta title="Kilmer 2003"]]
+[[!meta date="2005-11-23T23:40:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2005-11-23T23:40:00"]]
+[[!tag kilmer poetry]]
+		
+ The Winner:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Ballad of Sweet Donna Lee</span><br />By Everett Patterson CC ‘06<br /><br />Draw hither, my brethren, and listen to me;<br />I’ll sing you the Ballad of Sweet Donna Lee<br />The saddest of ballads shall leave you in tears,<br />So sit on your asses, and lend me your ears.<br /><br />T’was nary two weeks and a fortnight ago<br />That we all didst behear of this tale of woe<br />Whose rumor did fly like a dandelion spore<br />Through the halls of our school on th’Fair Hudson Shore<br /><br />In Carman lived Maxwell, a fine freshman boy<br />Whom Cupid and Venus conspired to destroy<br />And their arrows of passion stuck deep in his heart<br />Like a poisonous, venomous, poisonous dart<br /><br />O Max, whom to death Aphrodite hath led,<br />Would that I had thy fate than to see thee thus dead<br />To have loved and then lost is the best kind of strife,<br />But she didn’t love you, and you lost: your life<br /><br />Thy puddles of tears tied a noose round thy neck-<br />Get on with the story? Just give me a sec-<br />I’m setting the mood here, and then I’ll proceed<br />With the miserable Ballad of Sweet Donna Lee<br /><br />Max went out one day, when the skies were so blue,<br />He saw folks saying “hi,” saying “how do you do?”<br />And he thought to himself “what a wonderful world;<br />How I wish I could hook up with some random girl”<br /><br />He remembered he had to buy books for a class,<br />So set out for that edifice, concrete and glass,<br />Like a Titan o’erlooking th’Fair Hudson Shore,<br />In the basement of which was a book-selling store<br /><br />He descended those stairs, but he just might as well<br />Have descended the stairs to the bowels of Hell,<br />For there, with security guards congregated<br />The furies and fates by whom Maxwell was fated.<br /><br />At the counter he saw her, selling some books<br />She worked at the register, selling the books<br />The name on her nametag was Francis Dupuis<br />But they called her, for some reason, Sweet Donna Lee<br /><br />Her cheek and her lips were a fine crimson hue<br />And her eyes were a shade of the most verdant blue<br />And her hair shone with rays of the most verdant sheen<br />And her ears were like gems of a deep azure green<br /><br />A great swell of music arose in his breast<br />His heart, like an alien, leapt from his chest<br />His soul, like a joy-bomb, exploded with joy<br />At that moment, gladdest of all freshman boys.<br /><br />“O who is this beautiful goddess?” he cried<br />“This emblem of beauty confronting my eyes?<br />O who is this Helen? O who this Adonis?<br />Oh, wait, that’s a guy. I meant this… Madonna.”<br /><br />So he screwed up his courage and waited in line<br />With some things he had never intended to buy<br />With the hopes of approaching this delicate flower<br />He stood there in line for 56 hours<br /><br />In the first week of classes, the lines are quite long,<br />So he passed the time writing a beautiful song<br />To be sung to that girl who instilled him glee<br />And he called it that Ballad of Sweet Donna Lee<br /><br />All day and all night then, his thoughts dwelt on love,<br />As a minister’s thoughts dwell on heaven above<br />And an ornithologist’s thoughts dwell on doves<br />And a guy who makes gloves’s thoughts dwell on gloves.<br /><br />But when Max reached yon counter, his mouth was sealed shut<br />His lips pressed as tight as British Guard’s butt,<br />His tongue tied in knots that had never existed<br />Like twisty-bag ties when they’re overly twisted.<br /><br />When she flashed him her chompers, he couldn’t respond<br />He just gaped like a gerbil, his confidence gone<br />When she asked “Are you paying with cash or with flex?”<br />He knew, at that moment, they’d never have sex<br />….er, I mean fall in love. He knew then that their love could never exist, y’know?<br /><br />He left that dread bookstore a sad, broken man<br />With a copy of “War in Medieval Japan”<br />And some souvenir mugs and Columbia pencils,<br />And various similar cheap non-essentials.<br /><br />“Alas,” bellowed Maxwell, “how cruel is my fate!<br />To be haplessly silenced after so long a wait!<br />How am I expected to woo or to dote<br />When my words, like popcorn, get caught in my throat?”<br /><br />“O discomfort supreme; I am vexed and frustrated!<br />Why’d she have to go and make things so complicated?”<br />He knew what to do; he could stand it no more<br />He would cast himself off of th’Fair Hudson Shore<br /><br />So he wended hi way out towards Riverside Park,<br />His humors were bilious, physiognomy dark<br />He walked across Broadway, his countenance drab,<br />But he didn’t look first, and was hit by a cab.<br /><br />My brethren, I found myself once in the backseat<br />Of the man who was driving that very same taxi<br />Named Jacob Mohammed Siddhartha O’Sherman<br />Whose race and religion could not be determined.<br /><br />“Mustafa,” he told me, “you know what he said?<br />In those pitiful moments before he was dead?<br />His very last words, which whispered to me, were:<br /><br />“Help, I’m dying! I’m bleeding to death! CAVA!<br />Where the fuck is CAVA?! They’re just two blocks away!”<br /><br />But just before that, his penultimate words<br />Was the saddest of Ballads that’s ever been heard<br />Shut up now, my Brethren, I’ll rap them at thee-<br />I’ll sing you the Ballad of Sweet Donna Lee.<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philolexian_Society"></a>
diff --git a/phlog/2006/11/kilmer-2005.html b/phlog/2006/11/kilmer-2005.html
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..11ea415
--- /dev/null
+++ b/phlog/2006/11/kilmer-2005.html
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+
+[[!meta title="Kilmer 2005"]]
+[[!meta date="2006-11-19T08:44:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2006-11-19T08:44:00"]]
+[[!tag kilmer poetry]]
+		
+ <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />The Winner:</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: georgia;">Lamentation Upon Surveying the Destruction of a Battlefield</b><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">By Everett Patterson CC '06</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O Ares, cruelest of the gods!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Are man and thee somehow at odds?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That thou this curse of war should rain?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Upon these men before me lain?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O Zeus! O Jupiter on high!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That thou should let our young men die</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">And Hermes, swift as lightening struck</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">It's not your fault, but you still suck.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Judeo-Christian God, you too!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Don't think I have forgotten you!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Betrayed us, whom we once did praise,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">So don't start up with your "mysterious ways."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O Death! O Death! O Deathy Death!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That thou should snatch this soldier's breath!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Thou hast with bony finger stung</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">The diaphragm beneath the lung.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Nay never shall they breathe no more</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Nor beat their heart at bosom's core.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Their brains no waves; their veins no pulses</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">And in their esophagi no peristalsis!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O Vocative! O Vocative!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Not nom'nitave or locative!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That I, to distant concepts cry</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">To abstract nouns personified!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O Letter O, most foul vowel!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That thou should be the sound I howl,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Instead of "Ah!" or "oooh" or "Aye!"</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">But no, it's "O," and sometimes "Why?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Why, ye gods of Rome and Greece?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Shall war and horror never cease?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O ye Roman gods and Greek</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That I in the subjunctive mood should speak!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">--------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">1st Runner Up</span><br /><pre wrap=""  style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Slumming it with the Metaphysicals<br /></span>By Yonah Lemonik CC '08<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br />O Beloved, who stands so resplendent,<br />Heavenly form, with pleasures attendant.<br />To thee I sing, with passions ascendant,<br />O Beloved, you glow so transcendent!<br /><br />May I unhook your bra?<br />Oh, so you just want skip straight to the sex?<br />No?<br /><br />Do not judge me, nor set me defendant.<br />Who has set you over me an intendant?<br />Are we both not of Adam descendant?!<br />Of original sin do not be so repentant!<br />Just cop me a feel of what framing that pendant.<br /><br />I see I have shocked you O Venus Divine<br />But mustn't we tow the natural line?<br />Did not Eve become Adam's, as you become mine?<br />For procreation, the Lord did to us assign.<br /><br />So do you want to have my children?<br />Okay, then can we just practice?<br /><br />I'll rhyme you into fucking whether you want to or not.<br />For me to conquer you seems my heavenly lot,<br />Even though you aren't particularly hot,<br />And I could easily move on having missed my first shot,<br />It's just that I'm really quite lonely and desperate for human contact but<br />due to low self-esteem I am only able to communicate with women in<br />offensive and crude pleas for sex that scare them away before they can see<br />my inner beauty... ot.<br /><br />Anyway.<br /><br />I see now that to woo you my words must be sweeter,<br />Even though to my side you are starting to teeter,<br />And will join me in bliss like a lotususus eater.<br />But who knew better than Shakespearereater!<br />For clearly to win you, needs iambic pentameter.<br /><br />O lovely, thou art crowned with golden tufts,<br />O lovely, may I use your thighs as earmuffs.<br /><br />Still nothing? C'mon, that was stuff was golden,<br />You're not too good to put out for a sonnet.<br />I mean that would've gotten Queen Elizabeth out've her pants<br />and they named Virginia after her-<br />VIRGINia – not BARSLUTnia.<br />You know what? You're not enough good enough for this stuff.<br />I'm not going to waste it on you, not one single stich<br />Not one rhyming couplet, you dumb slutty bitch.<br /><br />And now I'm alone, bereft of a lass...<br />But what is that I see, in that female morass?<br />Empty of contents, a double shot glass!<br />In the hands of a skank who is lacking in class.<br />Verily tonight, I'll be getting some ass.<br /><br />(For I will approach her with standards descendant,<br />And say to the face of the drunken endendant)<br />“O beloved who stands so resplendent.<br />To the I sing with passions redundant...”</pre> <span style="font-family:georgia;">--------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">2nd Runner Up</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Five Degrees of Unavailability</span><br />By Michal Richardson BC '06<br /><pre style="font-family: georgia;" wrap="">Our sad tale begins with a girl you've not met<br />But whose plight and ill fate I impart with regret.<br />Should it ring any bells, either literal or mental,<br />I assure you that this is quite coincidental.<br /><br />Our heroine spent her nights bawling and pining,<br />For what starts as desire ends up sounding like whining<br />That fills listeners with despair and fatigue.<br />"I can't have him," she'd cry,<br />He's so out of my league!”<br /><br />They say two's company, and bad things come in threes --<br />But heartbreak, my friends, comes in five degrees.<br /><br />The first degree starts with deep infatuation<br />But ends, as you've guessed, with dark humiliation.<br />And not one that fades with a hearty, drunk recap --<br />No, this haunts you and taunts you, like a shattered kneecap.<br /><br />After weeks vascillating, one night in a groove,<br />She called up the boy and she made her bold move.<br />But as all "good ones" are, unless I'm mistaken,<br />The lass's first love was regrettably taken.<br /><br />It takes nine for a ball club; fours always trump threes,<br />And heartbreak, dear friends, comes in five degrees.<br /><br />She fell for her best friend from childhood, who<br />Liked everything she liked, from films to shampoo.<br />Their dialogue, swift, and as perfect as canon,<br />Hit her over the head like a playful Biff Tannen.<br /><br />"Hello, McFly!" said she to herself.<br />"Tell him you love him, or stay on the shelf."<br />He had to talk to her, too, said the young man that day,<br />And promptly he shared with her that he was gay.<br /><br />It takes two to tango, in times such as these --<br />When heartbreak, I'm afraid, comes in five degrees.<br />The only boy who could ever reach her<br />Was the sweet-talkin' son of a preacher man,<br />A gentle soul and a caring creature,<br />He loved her as, perhaps, no one else can.<br /><br />The event that preceded the couple's demise<br />Happened when her folks looked into his clear blue eyes<br />To which she gave a resigned sigh and an, "Oh, sure,<br />At least he never questions if I'm keeping kosher."<br /><br />And so shaiketzes, plentiful as fish in the seas,<br />Make a grave number three in our five degrees.<br /><br />A new category sprang when our favorite lass<br />Trudged one September morn to her first day of class,<br />To discover with horror her passion's successor<br />Was taken, not Jewish, gay, and her professor.<br /><br />How she toiled, embroiled with this odd contradiction!<br />This truth stranger than what the man taught,<br />Which was fiction.<br />If I may interject, lay down one solid rule,<br />Don't start diggin' on faculty members, you fool!<br /><br />Not this one, with four symptoms of our dread disease<br />Which nears us to the end of five tragic degrees.<br /><br />The man's four out of five, if you're tuning in now,<br />Were:  taken, gay, not Jewish, faculty.  ... Wow.<br />And yet Mondays and Wednesdays, at ten thirty-five,<br />The pitiful damsel'd never felt so alive.<br /><br />Till the last "Unattainable" clause crossed her head:<br />To be more out of reach, he would have to be... dead.<br />Though designs on deceased make good citizens tremble,<br />Alexander Hamilton groupies, assemble!<br /><br />Sing it, sisters and brothers and all, if you please,<br />Of the most icky of these five cursed degrees.<br /><br /><br />Fear not, our tale ends not in murder cold-blooded;<br />The girl's full young heart one day simply flooded.<br />She joined a support group to mend her transgressions,<br />Fell in love, of course, with the man running the sessions,<br /><br />But she got over this one, for she's growing stronger<br />And her attention span's gotten just that much longer.<br />Time to time, the old suffering she'll pause to acknowledge<br />There's nothing better to do - because, hey, it's college.<br /><br />But sure as my piano has sixty-four keys,<br />Heartbreak, patient friends, comes in five degrees.</pre> <span style="font-family:georgia;">--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />3rd Runner Up<br /><br />A collection by Amitai Schmonz GS '09<br /><br /></span> <pre wrap=""  style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia;">Untitled</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Girl from Nantucket</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Tired of your crap limericks</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Prefers haiku, thanks.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia;">Three poems in the style of Ogden Nash</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I. The Punther</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Ogden Nash writes like a poet,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Except tersely, so you can stow it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Should you behold a Nash oeuvre,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Prepare to swevre.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Better yet, if you’ve a question for Nash,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Don’t ash.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">II. New York Real Estate</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Often newcomers find that space is an issue.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">To be able to turn around or stretch without punching a neighbor’s wall</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">might wissue.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">But look on the bright side: at least when you’re home potential visitors</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">can’t missue.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Too large a flat and when your spouse goes on an errand on his or her way</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">out he or she won’t go to the effort to find and kissue.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Besides, you can make anyplace livable with a dash of creativity,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Or by purchasing expensive contraptions designed to add livity,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Or by holding a very small housewarming party and relying on guests’ givity,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Or, for those with a practical bent, oblivity.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Rich folk keep spare houses in Connecticut,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">But you can’t just go off and buy one, it’s bad etiquette,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Unless you have the requisite breeding as predicate.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Does it truly matter? You betticate.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">And the commute? Forgetticate.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">In summary, if you want to live in the city it’s a matter of dealing with</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">small apartments and don’t even think about houses,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">You’ve done well if you don’t sleep directly atop your neatly folded</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">trousers.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">III. Reflections on Modern Prosperity</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Dutch</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Is clutch</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">But English</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Is blinglish.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia;">Ode from a Grecian Urn</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O please, doth chill out. I’m a fucking urn.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">O geez, I think that was pentameter.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Goddammit. See, you’re messing with my head!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Alone, I’d never mastered metric foot;</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Your florid verse has elbowed its way in</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">And now I feel an ass. No, not that way,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Don’t be a perv. I don’t have any hands</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Or really any apparatus for</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">The sensing of sensations in that sense.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">What’s worse, I sense I lack your sense of rhyme.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">A Personal Favorite</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia;">Canadia</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">By Joshua Schwartz GS '08</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, I've given you all and now I'm nothing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, eleventeen dollars and seventy twenty cents, January 17, or whatever heathen calendar you use there</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I can't stand all your moose(s)</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, when will you give up the delusion of your sovereignty?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Go fuck yourself with your hockey stick</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I don't feel warm.  Don't bother me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I won't write my poem 'til I'm in my right mind.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, when will you be civilized?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When will you take off your flannel?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When will you look at yourself through the mocking eyes of everyone else?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When will you be worthy of your twelve citizens?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, why are your libraries full of books?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, when will you send your Mounties to Iraq?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I'm sick of your inexplicable existence.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When can I go to the black market and buy what I need with my real money</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, after all, it is you and the Dutch who are weird, not the normal world.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Your moose are too much for me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">You made me want to be a hockey star.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">There must be some other way to settle this argument.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">McGill is in Montreal, but I don't think anyone goes there, it's deserted.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Are you being serious, or are you some cosmic practical joke?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I'm trying to come to the point.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I refuse to give up my obsession.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, stop pushing, I know what I'm doing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, the pine needles aren't falling (that's why they call them "evergreens!")</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I haven't read a newspaper in months, do you even have a written alphabet?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, I feel sentimental about the moose.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, I used to be dyslexic as a kid, and I'm not rosy.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I drink maple syrup every chance I get.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I sit in my house for days on end and try to make sense of your existence.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When I go to Montreal I get laid but never in English.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">My mind is made up; there's going to be trouble.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">You should have seen me listening to Alanis Morisette.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, it's them bad mooses.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Them mooses, them mooses, and them maple syrups. And them mooses.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">The mooses want to eat us alive.  The mooses are power mad.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Canadia, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel-eh?</span><br /><br /></pre>
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+ <span style="font-family:georgia;">The Winner<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Psalm</span><br />by Yonah Lemonik CC '08<br /><br />A Psalm of David:<br /><br />1: O LORD, the firmament sheweth thine handiwork, and the heavens thine wisdom.<br />2: Your might exceeds the depth of the seas, O LORD, yea, your righteousness the vaults of the skies.<br />3: O LORD, have you ever considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of encyclopedias?<br />4: I mean this is a truly gorgeous set of twenty four volumes here, am I right?<br />5: For verily, O LORD, the wallpaper showeth thine good taste, and the bookcase thine worldiness.<br />6: And should the chicks see a really handsome leather-bound set like this one they shall surely dwell in the house of the LORD for the length of days... or at least the nights!<br />7: Eh? Eh? Eh?<br />8: No, no wait don't close the door, O Awesome LORD, do not cast me aside in this my hour of need.<br />8a: For Thou art a merciful LORD, and loving.<br />9: Yea thou art a support to orphans and thou lifteth up the weak.<br />10: O LORD, thou giveth comfort and sustenance to the poor.<br />11: Please, O LORD, be merciful, as you ride this subway to a warm home and loving family; remember there are those out on the streets less fortunate than you.<br />12: We can feed a family of four for only 79 cents, but tonight were going to have to turn people away. So please give generously, O Just LORD, do not turn thine countenance from us.<br />13: Well? What, nothing? You can't give even a penny, O Tremendous G-d?<br />14: Oh that's great, O LORD, you're just great. Thou art super fucking awesome.<br />15: O Mighty And Awesome LORD, thine voice convulseth the deserts and blabbity blah blah.<br />16: Even thine oh so holy angels tremble in thine August and Awesome presence, the pussies.<br />17:  O Master of the Universe, I am sooooo scared of you.<br />18:  Oooooh....<br />19:  No wait, O LORD, I didn't mean to be nasty; you're a great guy.<br />20:  And I like you, I just don't like you like you, y'know.<br />21:  No, you're really a great guy, O Lord Of Jacob; thou judgeth the righteous with goodness and hateth the wicked.<br />22: Until a man's dying day thou waiteth for him to return.<br />23: And you're a really funny guy! Yes, yes, you are G-d.<br />24:<br />You created flamingos<br />brilliant touch with the pink there;<br />and the Black Death<br />greatest<br />practical joke<br />ever;<br />Menstruation?<br />hilarious;<br />The human condition is<br />pure comic genius.<br />25:  C'mon, how bad can you be, O LORD? You do have complete dominion over the heavens and earth.<br />26: Yea, thou art ruler of the seas and king of the mountains.<br />27: Thou causeth the wind to blow and the sun to shine.<br />28: O LORD thou openeth the gates of dawn and ordereth the stars in their places.<br />29: Verily O LORD thou art powerful - you have thousands of workers reporting to you, CEO of a multibillion dollar multinational corporation, yes sir!<br />30:  Yes sir, Yes sir, O LORD you're the most powerful man in America, yes sir.<br />30.5: Why that's a brilliant idea it is yes sir, yes sir!<br />31:  No sir, O LORD,  I'm not just being a yes man, yes sir!<br />32:  Genius sir! If we sack the entire company we'll have no costs.  Our profits will go through the roof yes sir! Genius,  O LORD, yes sir!<br />33:  Yes sir, Thou art truly a wondrous LORD!<br />34:  Thou splitteth the sea before thine children, and feedeth them in the wilderness.<br />35:  O LORD, Thou bringeth up beautiful flowers from the firmament and showeth the rainbow as a sign for the generations.<br />36: Yes, O Mighty and Awesome LORD, your hair is truly beautiful. And your eyes are like two stars shining out on a moonless night.<br />37: Your movements, O LORD, are like grace encapsulated, your voice is like a pure clarion call.<br />38: Thou hast a great rack, and voluptuous thighs.<br />39: And my ears are cold.<br />40: So why don't head back to my place, O LORD.  I have a fine set of encyclopedia's to sell you. Rawr.<br /><br /><br />And let us say. Amen.<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">1st Runner Up</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Leftovers</span><br />by Jonah Bloch-Johnson CC '08 (as "Phillip Hutchinson") and Phyllis Ma CC '09<br /><br />I like leftovers<br />Like my soul<br />which is the leftovers of your love<br /><br />It could have been the pullover of your love<br />Soft, and cuddly<br />But instead you had to wear the button of hate and misery.<br /><br />My heart is dribbling down my face<br />Like anchovies<br />That you reheat and reheat<br /><br />Shall I compare thee – to the best minds of my generation?<br />Do I dare-to contradict myself?<br />To eat or not to eat now but maybe to take it home and stick it in the fridge – of history next to the gasket of time  by the magnet of monogamy, under the freezer – of infinity.<br /><br />Leftovers.<br />eftovers.<br /> ftovers.<br />   tovers.<br />      overs.<br />          vers.<br />              ers.<br />                  rs.<br />        s.<br /><br />[high pitched noises]<br /><br />broccoli<br /><br />[high pitched noises and snapping]<br /><br />coleslaw<br /><br />[high pitched noises and snapping]<br /><br />fried pus!<br /><br />of destiny<br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />--------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">2nd Runner Up<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Put your Pudding Where your Mouth Is</span><br />by Rob Frawley CC ‘10<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Have you ever eaten pudding<br />I mean really Eaten it.<br />Not a nibble, not a munch, not a chew or a crunch.<br />Have you ever let it envelope your mouth in cold gooey delight.<br />Have you ever moaned for your pudding.<br />Has your pudding ever moaned for you.<br />I dare you – eat your pudding<br />Become your pudding<br />Let the pudding flow from your every orifice and scream “I AM PUDDING”<br />And then, gently recede into your puddingness,<br />And let the pudding be.<br /></div><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">3rd Runner Up</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Meditations from the Bottom of a Wells<br /></span>by Maggie Lane CC '09 and Sasha Stewart CC '09<br /><br />i. From the Well a Voice Cometh<br />Perhaps this well is my spiral<br />To a kinder hell<br />Except wells are cylinders<br />Dante was wrong.<br /><br />Time trickles on like raindrops falling… into a well.<br /><br />In this well<br />I will dwell<br />My heart doth swell<br />My thoughts, pell mell<br />My voice, a treble<br />My sense, of smell<br />My boyish form, so sup-pel<br />Around my neck, a lapel<br />Untold stories, I yearn to tell<br />I slipped on a banana pe-el<br />And into this abyss, I fell<br />This world of mine, a prison cell<br />Like a prisoner of war, named Marcel<br />Or Irish savior, lost Parnell<br />My soul I would sell<br />Or beg or plead or ped-del<br />Nails scratch and break and bleed and swell<br />Lessons are hard to learn<br />In the bottom of a well<br /><br />ii. By the Well a Man Cometh<br />Is this my body?<br />No it’s a well<br />Is this my metaphor?<br />No it’s a well<br />Is this God?<br />No, it’s my voice from a well<br />Is this the Media Age?<br />I wish Lassie were here<br />Timmy? Timmy?<br />Too bad my name’s Tom<br />Should I throw pennies?<br />Food would be better.<br />Will you grant my wishes?<br />Only if your wish is to hear a voice from the well.<br />My wish! Granted! The well is magic! I must tell the others!<br />Oh go to hell.<br /><br />iii. From the Well the Well Cometh<br />Stone, mortar, water, moles<br />Chipped nails, chipped souls<br />Of little forgotten boyos<br />Trapped in arroyos<br />Trapped in the chasm<br />Of my bosom<br />Forever singing their tales of woe<br />But do I listen? No<br />For I am a well<br />Powerful to beheld.<br />… Oh, Well.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Honorable Mentions: Too Good for Kilmer Category<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">When the Economist met the New Yorker</span><br />by Eric LeSueur CC '06<br /><br />When the Economist met the New Yorker, love was in the air.<br />They brushed shoulders by the Grand Central news stand<br />And after a few perfectly timed witticisms, the Economist took an unusually bold move and asked her to drinks at the St. Regis, because that is what a gentleman does.<br /><br />When they met again, the Economist could not help but smile as the New Yorker looked down at her glass of Chardonnay, nervously rubbing the stem begin her fingers, and told him of her love of short fiction and her hobby of drawing single panel cartoons, which her friends nevertheless thought profound.<br /><br />When she asked him about his own pursuits, he remarked that in his present career he performed forensic economic analysis, but that his true passion lay in the implementation of monetary policy. And he knew he had found someone special when the New Yorker thought that was interesting and amidst the candlelight placed her hand atop his, and asked him to tell her more.<br /><br />Soon they could be seen holding hands as they walked down the Guggenheim, and kissing as the autumn leaves fell upon them in Central Park. And when they finally did spend the night together, the Economist saw the New Yorker as she laid in her languid prose, and smiled at the adorable way she marked repeating vowels and failed to italicize book titles.<br /><br />One day, as they were watching “Terms of Endearment”, the New Yorker began to cry. Not because of Debra Winger’s performance, but because at long last, she was happy. “Things were never so good when I was dating the Popular Mechanic,” she said. And the Economist is not afraid to admit that even he shed a few tears, also not because of the film…<br />Indeed, it was the first time he had wept since Thatcher left office.<br /><br />Sadly, my friends, the relationship, much like this poem, ran out of steam. This prospective merger, which had begun with such promise, concluded slowly and ignobly, as the Economist reached a conclusion that the marginal benefits were no longer meeting marginal costs. It was only afterward that the Economist finally realized, too late in fact, that some things in life, particularly love, could not be so coldly calculated. Though he is with Harper now, and she with some New Republican, the Economist often thinks fondly of the days of this youth, and the promise they held when he brushed shoulders with the New Yorker.<br /><br /></span>  <p class="MsoHeader"><b style=""><br /></b></p>  <p class="MsoHeader"><b style="">L’Orfeo y Selfone</b> – the Lost Monteverdi Opera<br />Translated by: Edward A. Rueda (CC ’05)<span style="">    </span>Musically Reconstructed By: <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Everett</st1:place></st1:city> Patterson (CC ’06) with Cellist, Harpsichordist, and Turner of Pages<br /></p><br />The only way to do this poem justice is by video, which should be coming soon! But for now the 'Libretto' with 'translation:'<br /><br /><br />ORFEO:<br />Selfone, ¿puedes oirme ahora?<br />Il’fierno es tant’oscuro<br />Siento tu dolore.<br />Espería que nos ’contraremos<br />Pero l’entrada de la tierra muerta<br />Tiene un señale<br />Qu’explica sencillamente que tengo<br />Que ’bandonar mi ’speranza.<br /><br />VERIZONE:<br />Ay, mortal con tu Selfone, yakking!<br />¿Porque necesitas hablar constante?<br />Est’es il’fierno, yo soy Verizone<br />Opero un red pa’ los damnados.<br />Tú, quien huele com’los vivos<br />Piensas que’stas tan importante<br />Que to’los muertos tienen q’oirte<br />Y tu conversazion’arrogante<br />¡Como te odio!<br /><br />ORFEO<br />Potente servicio<br />Cuyas palabras vienen desde l’India<br />Todos necesitan tu red incredible<br />Para comunicar con alguien.<br />Quiero extender la mano<br />Y tocar a mi querida Selfone.<br /><br />VERZIONE<br />Tu voz es muy bello, pero tengo<br />Q’ablar con mi supervizore<br />Il reino del’fierno, Plutone<br />¿Tu nombre completo?<br /><br />ORFEO [dueta]<br />Orfeo me llaman<br />Lo voy a deletrear.<br />Oh-Erre-Efe-Eh-Oh<br /><br />VERZIONE [dueta]<br />Ay dio’sta ’jueputa no dej’ablarme.<br />Me siento más cansado cad’ minuto<br />Yo debería ser’l aburridoso<br />Y zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br /><br />ORFEO<br />¡Ay me!  Él duerme.<br />¡Selfone, ya vengo!<br /><br /><br /><br />ORFEO:<br />Selfone, can you hear me now?<br />Hell is so dark<br />I feel your pain.<br />I would hope that we will find each other<br />But the entrance of the Dead Land<br />Has a sign<br />That says clearly that I<br />Have to abandon my hope.<br /><br />VERIZONE:<br />Oh, mortal with your Selfone, yakking!<br />Why do you need to talk constantly?<br />This is Hell, I am Verizone<br />I run a network for the damned.<br />You, who smells like the living<br />Think you’re so important<br />That all the dead have to hear you<br />And your arrogant conversation<br />How I hate you!<br /><br />ORFEO<br />Powerful Service,<br />Whose words come from India<br />Everyone needs your incredible network<br />To communicate with anyone.<br />I want to reach out<br />And touch my dear Selfone.<br /><br />VERIZONE<br />Your voice is very beautiful, but I have to<br />Speak with my supervisor<br />The King of Hell, Plutone<br />What’s your full name?<br /><br />ORFEO [duet]<br />They call me Orfeo<br />I’m gonna spell that<br />O-R-F-E-O<br /><br />VERIZONE [duet]<br />Oh, God, this sonofabitch won’t stop talking<br />I feel more tired with every minute<br />I ought to the boring one<br />And zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br /><br />ORFEO<br />Oh my!  He’s asleep.<br />Selfone, I’m coming!
diff --git a/phlog/2007/01/blast-from-past-winners-from-2004.html b/phlog/2007/01/blast-from-past-winners-from-2004.html
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+
+[[!meta title="Kilmer 2004"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-01-17T23:06:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-01-17T23:06:00"]]
+[[!tag ]]
+		
+ The Winner 2004:<br /><br />(For Mrs. Henry Mills Alden)<br />or: deep thoughts on laundry<br />or: repeating random nouns and then attaching that same noun to some profound emotion is comedic gold, the gold of joy.<br />By Joshua Schwartz GS '08<br /><br />Ahhhhh the taste of victory<br />I always imagined it would taste more like tiramisu<br />Or a cinnamon rugelach<br />Or the salty elixir squeezed from the saturated uniforms of the victims<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />Riding the roller coaster of love creates within my bosom<br />This pleasant buzz in my<br />Nether regions (the auxiliary nether regions I keep in my bosom)<br />Like if one were to sit on a blender<br />A blender of joy<br />Set on the puree<br />of bliss.<br />In my heart are the sprites of happiness and their laughter<br />Warms my cockles as only true love can<br />True love and microwave burritos.<br />Happy and bright:<br />Like the sun shining on the faces<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />While sitting on the dryer, I begin to<br />Meditate about death and the innate absurdity of life.<br />There is no hope and love is false, I cry<br />As I weep into the snuggles,<br />The snuggles of despair.<br />Like the despair that gives me joy that makes me curious that bit the dog that ate schroedingers cat<br />And killed god<br />when I see it on the faces<br />Of my ring of white slaves.<br /><br />In deep thought, I return from the Laundromat of my soul<br />Where I pick up the blazer of my spirit and the khakis of my heart<br />And the afghan of despair<br />I realize:<br />I hardly knew my soul at all.<br /><br />And he is Korean.<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />Runner Up<br /><br /><br />The Childhood Memories and Songs of Experience of George Prescott Bush, the Young, Half-Mexican Grandson of President George Bush the First, Nephew of President George Bush the Second, and Possible Future First Latino President of the United States<br />by Edward Rueda CC '05<br /><br />I remember the house of mi abuelo,<br />my grandfather Jorge, a large casa blanca,<br />a house as white as the supper's soft, white tortillas<br />I see my grandfather Jorge<br />strong as a bull in a bullfighting ring,<br />driving the English springer spaniels across the front lawn,<br />like soft tortillas across guacamole grass<br />I see my grandfather in his aviator glasses<br />hard, unbending, quite unlike tortillas,<br />I see him wearing an enchilada suit<br />as he spoke in taco shell press conferences<br />in the red mole rose garden<br /><br />I see mi abuela, my grandmother Bárbara<br />standing next to mi abuelo Jorge<br />in the red mole rose garden<br />I see her soft, white, curly hair<br />and her soft, white, round necklace of pearls<br />like tortillas, soft, white, curled<br />and stacked on top of more soft, white, round tortillas.<br />My grandmother's skin is like tortillas,<br />soft, round, made of corn and flour from the earth<br />my grandmother Bárbara has the strength of the earth<br />in her hands, as she lifts fine china,<br />fine, tortilla-white china filled with dinnertime tortillas.<br /><br />But mi abuelo Jorge has hard news to tell,<br />hard like deep-fried tacos is the news of war<br />war that must take place in the land of the tostados,<br />war that he planned with my uncle, Tío Cheney<br />I see my see my grandfather talking to my Tío Cheney<br />Tío Cheney, dressed in a black bean black suit<br />wincing from the plaque in his arteries<br />thick plaque, hard and white, like old tortillas.<br />My grandfather says this war may be bad, and not soft,<br />But if every man fought in the distant land of sand so white,<br />Soon peace in our world would come around,<br />a peace we could all look forward to, like our supper, like tortillas<br /><br />After the news conference, my grandfather Jorge<br />takes off his aviator glasses, hard unlike tortillas,<br />sets me on his knee, a knee like a burrito<br />and tells me, "nieto, grandson,<br />you may one day run this casa grande, this casa blanca<br />and if you lead this casa blanca into war,<br />remember: God has made you a Jorge Bush<br />you are strong and solid like a burrito,<br />you are stuffed with good inside, like a burrito,<br />you have a tough skin, like a burrito<br />but most of all, you have a heart<br />that is strong and pure and white and good, like tortillas."<br /><br />Now my uncle, Tío Jorge, runs the casa blanca,<br />strong like a bullfighter in a bullfighting ring,<br />he plays golf on the green guacamole grass.<br />I see my uncle Jorge, who's as fun as a fiesta,<br />giving a speech in the red mole rose garden,<br />now he must share words as hard as deep-fried tacos.<br />War must take place in the land of the tostados,<br />war that he planned with my uncle, Tío Cheney<br />I see my Tío Jorge talking to Tío Cheney<br />Tío Cheney, dressed in a black bean black suit<br />wincing from the plaque in his arteries<br />thick plaque, hard and white, like old tortillas.<br />Tío Jorge says that war is good,<br />good for lands so hot with sand so white,<br />hot, white, sand all around, hot and white, like tortillas.<br /><br />After the news conference, my uncle Jorge<br />takes off his baseball sombrero, to say to me,<br />"Sobrino, nephew, you may one day run<br />this casa grande, this casa blanca<br />and if you lead this casa blanca into war,<br />remember: you are a Jorge Bush<br />you are not to be evil, like the burrito<br />you need to be stuffed with liberty and freedom, like the burrito<br />you need an evil-repellent skin, like the burrito<br />you need God to continually bless you, like the burrito,<br />and most of all, your heart needs not to be evil,<br />but soft and pure and white, like tortillas."<br /><br />These words, made of corn, made of earth, are strong,<br />like a bull: big, strong, white, pure, round,<br />like tortillas.<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Runner Up<br /><br /><br />I Love Little Pussy<br />by Mike Ilardi CC '05 (With Illustrations by Edward Rueda CC '05)<br /><br />What follows is a brief anthology of sequels to the 19th century nursery rhyme I Love Little Pussy, a piece intended to teach children proper care for their cats. Children today have all manner of exotic creatures in their care, so I felt it necessary to pen a few updated versions of the old classic. First, the original:<br /><br />"I Love Little Pussy"<br />I love little pussy,<br />Her coat is so warm,<br />And if I don't hurt her,<br />She'll do me no harm.<br />So I'll not pull her tail,<br />Nor drive her away,<br />But pussy and I,<br />Very gently will play.<br /><br />And now for the sequels:<br /><br />"I Love Little Cock"<br />I love little cock,<br />His beak is so long,<br />And when I stroke him,<br />He does me no wrong.<br />So I'll not rumple his feathers,<br />Nor tug him too quick,<br />He'll come when I call him,<br />For I've named him Dick.<br /><br />"I Love Little Beaver"<br />I Love Little Beaver,<br />Her fur is so wet,<br />And though she smells fishy,<br />She's so fun to pet.<br />So I'll not burst her dam,<br />If she gnaws on my wood.<br />Gee, little beaver,<br />you're always so good!<br /><br />"I Love Little Bearded Clam"<br />I love little bearded clam,<br />Her shell is so tight,<br />And if I feed her,<br />she'll clamp down every night.<br />So I'll not pry her open,<br />I'll be kind instead,<br />I'll drape a pearl necklace<br />Over her head!<br /><br />"I Love Little Trouser Snake"<br />I love little trouser snake,<br />He slithers up my pants,<br />And when I play my flute,<br />Trouser snake does his dance.<br />So I'll not tie him in knots,<br />Nor pull him too hard,<br />For my trouser snake<br />is nearly one yard!
diff --git a/phlog/2007/01/experiments-in-experimental-short.html b/phlog/2007/01/experiments-in-experimental-short.html
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+
+[[!meta title="Experiments in Experimental Short Fiction"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-01-18T01:33:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-01-18T01:33:00"]]
+[[!tag literature "short fiction"]]
+		
+ !) once i was a strip of wallpaper that was listlessly saying hello to the door and goodbye to the window. i miss the sunlight even though it dried me out.<br /><br />@) a red ball launched, rebounding, bouncing off doors and lockers. aglets of chuck taylor sneakers click clacking their way down to the principal's office. a ferret runs free in the hall.<br /><br />#) bubblegum snapping and girls deciding who is in and who is out. black is the new orange they say. who made them god?<br /><br />$)  oncewheniwasyounger<br />    itriedtocirclemyarmsaroundtheoldelmtreeintheyard<br />    andilaughedandsmiledandsquealed<br />    butthenranawayattherattlingscamperofsquirrels.<br /><br />%) his arms became fatigued earlier than he expected, and he starting getting short of breath. with every new lift of his increasingly heavy arms, he struggled to grasp those blessed vines. with the strength of atlas he managed not to ever ever look down to the ground where the little people lived. he had bigger dreams of the sky, but it was getting hard to breathe. the air is thinner in the clouds.<br /><br />^) crash i never want to see you again whack bang thwok i mean it don't you ever step foor in this house again you bastard crash bang crash but i love you<br /><br /><br />peace,<br />~mr_schwartz
diff --git a/phlog/2007/01/meeting-118.html b/phlog/2007/01/meeting-118.html
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+
+[[!meta title="Meeting 1/18"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-01-18T01:42:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-01-18T01:42:00"]]
+[[!tag Meeting Whip]]
+		
+ <span style="font-family:Arial;">"Americans eat more fat... [and] they eat more sugar... than any other people on earth. Americans also experience more episodes of acute hunger each day than any other people on earth – many [Americans] eat 11 times a day... and Americans do less physical work per day than any other nation. We ride more and walk less than other people. Could it be this combination that is fattening up Americans?... Is America’s romance with fabricated foods killing her by degrees?"<br />~Paul A. Stitt, MS, Biochemistry, <a href="http://www.nutrition4health.org/nohanews/NNSp94AmericansFat.htm">www.nutrition4health.org/nohanews/NNSp94AmericansFat.htm</a><br /><br />"You want to know the real reason we have declared holy jihad? Celebrity Fit Club."<br />~Osama Bin Laden, private interview<br /><br />The luxuriously lugubrious Philolexian Society cordially invites you to a debate:<br /><br />RESOLVED: Everyone Hates America Because We Are Fat.<br /><br />Come and show off those voluptuous curves.<br /><br />When: Thursday Jan. 18th<br />9:00pm snacks and schmooze<br />9:30pm (sharp) - the debate begins!<br />Where: Broadway Room (2nd floor of Lerner, next to the piano lounge)<br /><br />Be there or you won't get the exercise you so vitally need.<br /><br />Surgam,<br />~the will o' the whip<br /><br /></span>
diff --git a/phlog/2007/01/sensationalist-manifesto.html b/phlog/2007/01/sensationalist-manifesto.html
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+
+[[!meta title="The Sensationalist Manifesto"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-01-18T01:39:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-01-18T01:39:00"]]
+[[!tag Exposition manifesto]]
+		
+ The Sensationalist Manifesto<br /><br />We declare that we are multitudinous in approach! We assume the role of many, the mind of the massive. We are tapped into the pulse of planet Earth, and we are only beginning to dig in our fingernails.<br /><br />We believe in ideas and do not hold by beliefs. We are willing to defend what we believe (for the minute) to the death. We are willing to change any of our minds. We are desirous of having them blown.<br /><br />We think the world is a macro-organism. We consider the emergence of a super-perspective. We know that brain cells communicate across a gap called a synapse, but nonetheless, they pass on information. We think we are neurons on a global scale.<br /><br />We believe words only chip away at the truth. We think the truth is asymptotic. We recognize the inherent flaws in verbal and written communication. We consider words to be extensions of the ego. We love them anyway.<br /><br />We believe in the truth of the singular experience. We think that numbers lie. We search for the kernel at the heart of subjectivity. We believe that everyone can understand anything, but not everything. We are eternally astounded.<br /><br />We are vigilant for morsels of meaning. We see life as a canvas. We are blind artists with paint<br />All<br />Over<br />Our<br />Hands.<br /><br />We see beauty in the fields and in the city. We search and we search and can not find the unnatural. We believe in consistency and artificial authenticity. We think evolution is the only measure of time.<br /><br />We are becoming more and more convinced that we are nothing and everything all at once.<br /><br />As above so below.<br />As above so below.<br />As above so below.<br />As above so below.<br />As above so below.<br /><br />We think we are right. We know we are wrong.<br /><br />We will accept the voice of one. We revel in the voices of the many. We resist the voice of the masses. We believe we exist to transcend. We think we are only just beginning.<br /><br />We believe we can do anything if we try real hard. We inject new meaning if we say it with feeling. We correct punctuation as vigilantly as we check our facts. We think a misplaced comma can destroy the world. We believe it can be created again.<br /><br />We believe in the energy. We believe in the verve. We believe sincerity is a virtue. We believe in feeling everything until it hurts. We believe we can separate ourselves from anything. We believe the truth is too great to be a weapon. We believe it is like shooting the president with dark matter, the space between stars.<br /><br />We believe everything until we are proven wrong. We believe in Nothing, as a state of mind. We believe You can change our minds. We believe in You.<br /><br />peace,<br />~mr_schwartz
diff --git a/phlog/2007/05/kilmer.html b/phlog/2007/05/kilmer.html
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+
+[[!meta title="Kilmer"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-05-01T15:29:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-05-01T15:29:00"]]
+[[!tag ]]
+		
+ For those of you who read this phlog but don't receive our emails (surely a scant few indeed, but we must leave No Child etc, etc, etc) KILMER WON THE KING'S CROWN LEADERSHIP AWARD FOR BEST EVENT!!!!!  Not Glass-House Rocks, not Veritas Forum, not anything other than Kilmer!  Fuckin' rock on!<br /><br />It occurs to us, of course, that we're going to have to figure something out for next semester that rocks the socks off of the last contest.  Go-go dancers, anyone?<br /><br />-Admiral Meriweather<br />Whip of the Philolexian Society
diff --git a/phlog/2007/05/lit-hum-final-may-07.html b/phlog/2007/05/lit-hum-final-may-07.html
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+
+[[!meta title="Lit Hum Final May 07"]]
+[[!meta date="2007-05-07T21:37:00"]]
+[[!meta updated="2007-05-07T21:37:00"]]
+[[!tag ]]
+		
+ He went out; he reeled, he was overtaken with giddiness and did not know what he was doing. He began going down the stairs, supporting himself with his right hand against the wall. He fancied that a porter pushed past him on his way upstairs to the police office, that a dog in the lower storey kept up a shrill barking and that a woman flung a rolling-pin at it and shouted. He went down and out into the yard. There, not far from the entrance, stood Sonia, pale and horror-stricken. She looked wildly at him. He stood still before her. There was a look of poignant agony, of despair, in her face. She clasped her hands. His lips worked in an ugly, meaningless smile. He stood still a minute, grinned and went back to the police office.<br /><br />Ilya Petrovitch had sat down and was rummaging among some papers. Before him stood the same peasant who had pushed by on the stairs.<br /><br />“Hulloa! Back again! have you left something behind? What’s the matter?”<br /><br />Raskolnikov, with white lips and staring eyes, came slowly nearer. He walked right to the table, leaned his hand on it, tried to say something, but could not; only incoherent sounds were audible.<br /><br />“You are feeling ill, a chair! Here, sit down! Some water!”<br /><br />Raskolnikov dropped on to a chair, but he kept his eyes fixed on the face of Ilya Petrovitch, which expressed unpleasant surprise. Both looked at one another for a minute and waited. Water was brought.<br /><br />“It was I …” began Raskolnikov.<br /><br />“Drink some water.”<br /><br />Raskolnikov refused the water with his hand, and softly and brokenly, but distinctly said:<br /><br />“It was I found teachers' notes to the Lit Hum final and robbed them.”<br /><br />Ilya Petrovitch opened his mouth. People ran up on all sides.<br /><br />Raskolnikov repeated his statement.<br /><br />(with thanks to Bibliomania.com)
diff --git a/phlog/2007/06/what-i-learned-in-granada-by-adam-katz.html b/phlog/2007/06/what-i-learned-in-granada-by-adam-katz.html
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+

(Diff truncated)

diff --git a/phlog2.mdwn b/phlog2.mdwn
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+++ b/phlog2.mdwn
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+Any full Philo is welcome to post here, on the new and improved Phlog!
+
+[[!inline
+pages="(./phlog2/*)"
+description="The Phlog"
+]]

diff --git a/planet.mdwn b/planet.mdwn
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index 3d43fd8..0000000
--- a/planet.mdwn
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,17 +0,0 @@
-## Genius Blogs of Philo
-
-Don't see your own Genius Blog here? Edit this page and add it to the list!
-
-[[!inline pages="internal(./planet/*/*)"]]
-
------
-
-### Blogs without people pages yet
-
-* [[!aggregate name="Josh Schwartz" url="http://interrupting.blogspot.com/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Ian Crone" url="http://cryptocynic.blogspot.com/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Michelle Pentecost" url="http://petitegoddess.livejournal.com/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Everett Patterson" url="http://everettpattersonsblog.blogspot.com/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Adam Fields" url="http://www.aquick.org/blog/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Matt Rutta" url="http://mattrutta.blogspot.com/"]]
-* [[!aggregate name="Becky Abrams" url="http://becklectic.blogspot.com/"]]
diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/All_about_audio_options_on_HD_discs._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/All_about_audio_options_on_HD_discs._aggregated
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-<p>Just to add to the confusion:</p>
-<p>&#8220;On Standard-Def DVD, there are essentially only two competing sound formats to choose from: Dolby Digital or DTS.&#91;...&#93;The reality of the situation is that both Dolby Digital and DTS are capable of delivering very good, sometimes even exceptional sound quality on DVD.&#91;...&#93;The advent of Blu-ray and HD DVD has brought a dramatic increase in picture quality from Standard Definition to High Definition.&#91;...&#93;High Definition video deserves High Definition audio to go with it.&#8221;</p>
-<p>And thus begins the litany of the <b>seven</b> different options for audio tracks on HD discs, and how they&#8217;re supported on HD DVD vs. Blu-ray.</p>
-<p><a href="http://www.highdefdigest.com/news/show/Joshua_Zyber/High-Def_FAQ:_Blu-ray_and_HD_DVD_Audio_Explained/1064">http://www.highdefdigest.com/news/show/Joshua_Zyber/High-Def_FAQ:_Blu-ray_and_HD_DVD_Audio_Explained/1064</a></p>
-<p><em> Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/hd" rel="tag">hd</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/audio" rel="tag"> audio</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/dts" rel="tag"> dts</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/dolby+digital" rel="tag"> dolby digital</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/hd+dvd" rel="tag"> hd dvd</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/blu-ray" rel="tag"> blu-ray</a></em></p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Attn:_Dyson__44___Inc__46__._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Attn:_Dyson__44___Inc__46__._aggregated
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-<p>&#8220;I have purchased a number of household appliances, more than a few of them made by the Dyson corporation, and never have I been so embarrassed about any of them as I am about this Dyson DC16. I am embarrassed for myself that I didn’t immediately return this unit after trying it out the first time, instead giving you the benefit of the doubt. I am embarrassed for you that you produced it and sold it as a functional appliance, sullying the reliability of your brand.</p>
-<p>During the first year I had this handheld vac, never once did a full charge of the battery last more than 5 minutes. When it got down to less than 3 minutes, I spoke to your support representatives, who told me that the charger was probably defective, and sent me a new one. That helped for a short period of time, and I lived with it.</p>
-<p>However, I’ve reconsidered. I no longer want to own this device. Its complete inadequacy at the task for which it was designed plagues me, and I am sufficiently disgusted with it that I cannot bear to pass it on to someone else. Nor am I willing to just throw it in the garbage &#8211; it is not worthy to even contribute to landfill somewhere.</p>
-<p>I am therefore left with no choice but to return it to you. Please do as you see fit.&#8221;</p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Brilliant_DMCA_side_effect._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Brilliant_DMCA_side_effect._aggregated
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-<p>Crappy DRM company says the DMCA forces you to buy their technology instead of building your own because not buying their technology is a circumvention of an effective copyright tool.</p>
-<p>The thing is, I think they&#8217;re right. I mean, it&#8217;s stupid, but then so is the DMCA.</p>
-<p>There are some other provisions (which seem to not apply), but the crux of it is:</p>
-<p>&#8220;No person shall manufacture, import, offer to the public, provide, or otherwise traffic in any technology, product, service, device, component, or part thereof, that&#8211;</p>
-<p>        `(A) is primarily designed or produced for the purpose of<br />
-        circumventing a technological measure that effectively<br />
-        controls access to a work protected under this title;&#8221;</p>
-<p>It explicitly does NOT say &#8220;copy the work&#8221;, it says &#8220;circumvent the technology&#8221;. &#8220;Circumvent&#8221; is not the word they were looking for.</p>
-<p>In fact, now that I think about it, convincing someone that DRM is bad is also a violation, as that may be interpreted as offering a service that is primarily design for the purpose of circumventing technological protection. Crap.</p>
-<p><a href="http://www.forbes.com/business/feeds/afx/2007/05/10/afx3708595.html">http://www.forbes.com/business/feeds/afx/2007/05/10/afx3708595.html</a></p>
-<p>(via <a href="http://www.boingboing.net/2007/05/10/dumbest_dmca_threat_.html">boingboing</a>.)</p>
-<p><em> Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/drm" rel="tag">drm</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/dmca" rel="tag"> dmca</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/violation" rel="tag"> violation</a></em></p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Cadbury_got_busted_for_reducing_the_size_of_the_Creme_Egg_and_then_lying_about_it._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Cadbury_got_busted_for_reducing_the_size_of_the_Creme_Egg_and_then_lying_about_it._aggregated
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-<p>I used to get a Cadbury Creme Egg a year about the same time I had my annual McRib. Since I&#8217;ve realized over the course of the past few years that you&#8217;re only supposed to eat food, I didn&#8217;t know that Cadbury reduced the size of the Creme Egg this year. And then they lied about it! And they blamed it on the increasing size of their consumers (possibly from eating too many Creme Eggs)! And then they got busted on National TV! At least they could have had the dignity to release the &#8220;New Creme Egg&#8221;, and then release the &#8220;Creme Egg Classic&#8221; in the smaller form factor when people complained about the new formula.</p>
-<p><a href="http://consumerist.com/consumer/cadbury/cadbury-our-eggs-arent-smaller-you-are-bigger-250559.php">http://consumerist.com/consumer/cadbury/cadbury-our-eggs-arent-smaller-you-are-bigger-250559.php</a></p>
-<p><em> Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/creme+egg" rel="tag">creme egg</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/stupid" rel="tag"> stupid</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/smaller" rel="tag"> smaller</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/insulting" rel="tag"> insulting</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/lying" rel="tag"> lying</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/cadbury" rel="tag"> cadbury</a></em></p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Circo_Hazardous_Sock_Packaging._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Circo_Hazardous_Sock_Packaging._aggregated
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-<p>I happened to take my 6-month old to Target this weekend, and we bought him some socks. He was playing with the package and put them in his mouth, and managed to get the little hanger plastic piece out. There&#8217;s certainly enough to say about parental responsibility, and not letting the baby get into dangerous things, but until this little plastic piece disappeared (it turns out he dropped it on the floor), we didn&#8217;t even give a second thought to the idea that a pair of socks for a 6-12 month old might contain this kind of incredible choking hazard. I&#8217;m normally pretty paranoid about this. Didn&#8217;t these things used to go all the way across? Is this REALLY the place where Target wants to save a tenth of a cent of plastic? It seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.</p>
-<p>Be careful out there&#8230;</p>
-<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fields/480300637/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/182/480300637_0226e36487.jpg" width="333" height="500" alt="Circo Socks Hazardous Packaging" /></a></p>
-<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fields/480300681/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/197/480300681_91e0434258.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="Circo Socks Hazardous Packaging" /></a></p>
-<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fields/480288256/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/183/480288256_e293aa7b13.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="Circo Socks Hazardous Packaging" /></a></p>
-<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fields/480300767/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/167/480300767_b7e826830c.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="Circo Socks Hazardous Packaging" /></a></p>
-<p><em> Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/circo" rel="tag">circo</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/dangerous" rel="tag"> dangerous</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/choking" rel="tag"> choking</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/hazard" rel="tag"> hazard</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/target" rel="tag"> target</a></em></p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Coming_to_a_Rational_First_Sale_Doctrine_for_Digital_Works._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Coming_to_a_Rational_First_Sale_Doctrine_for_Digital_Works._aggregated
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-<p>In reference to this Gizmodo piece analyzing the rights granted by the Kindle and Sony e-reader:</p>
-<p><a href="http://gizmodo.com/369235/amazon-kindle-and-sony-reader-locked-up-why-your-books-are-no-longer-yours">http://gizmodo.com/369235/amazon-kindle-and-sony-reader-locked-up-why-your-books-are-no-longer-yours</a></p>
-<p>I think the analysis in that article is flawed. It doesn&#8217;t make any sense to be able to resell the reader with the books on it, because the license for the books is assigned to you, not to the reader. For example, if your Kindle breaks, you can move your books to another one. I&#8217;ve never heard anything other than the opinion that you can&#8217;t resell the digital copy &#8211; the assumption has always been that these sorts of transactions break the first sale doctrine. The problem then becomes &#8220;what are you buying?&#8221;, if there&#8217;s nothing you can resell.</p>
-<p>The first sale doctrine has to apply to the license, not the bits themselves, because under the scenario in which it applies to the bits, arguably Amazon retains no rights whatsoever. They had no direct hand in arranging the bits of your copy the way they are &#8211; they merely sent instructions to your computer about how to arrange them in a certain pattern. The article asserts that you can&#8217;t &#8220;transfer&#8221; the bits, but in the same way, in downloading a copy, Amazon hasn&#8217;t actually &#8220;transferred&#8221; anything to you, either.</p>
-<p>There&#8217;s no reason you shouldn&#8217;t be able to sell your Kindle, and the books don&#8217;t necessarily go with it, but if you want to sell the books separately, you can do that too. Legally, if you do that, you&#8217;d be obligated to destroy all of the copies you&#8217;ve made. Amazon&#8217;s inability to police that is as relevant as their inability to police the fact that you haven&#8217;t made a photocopy of the physical book you sold when you were done with it. There&#8217;s no weight to the argument that this will encourage rampant piracy, given that unencrypted cracked copies of all of these things are available to those who want them anyway, and always will be. People comply with reasonable laws willingly because they&#8217;re honest, it&#8217;s the &#8220;right thing to do&#8221;, and they feel that the laws are an acceptable tradeoff for living in a civilized society where sometimes you have to make compromises and not just do whatever you want. People do not comply with one-sided laws where they feel like they&#8217;re being ripped off for no reason. A law which turns your sale into a non-sellable license is of the latter kind. It turns normal users into petty criminals who don&#8217;t care when they break the law, because the law is stupid. Once they&#8217;ve ignored some of the terms, it&#8217;s a shorter step to ignore others, or ignore similar terms for other products. People like consistency, especially in legal treatments. I would argue that it&#8217;s in Amazon&#8217;s interest (and the others) to not niggle on this point, because a reasonable license with terms that look like a sale makes for happier customers who aren&#8217;t interested in trodding on the license terms, and that&#8217;s better for everyone.</p>
-<p>(Yes, I&#8217;m arguing that restrictive license &#8220;sales&#8221; are anti-civilization.)</p>
-<p>The Kindle ToS not only prohibits selling the Kindle with your books on it, it prohibits anyone else from even looking at it. If someone reads over your shoulder on the train, you&#8217;re in violation.</p>
-<p>This is, of course, ridiculous.</p>
-<p>The right legal response here seems to me to be to not dicker about with splitting hairs about whether you can sell your digital copies if they&#8217;re on a physical device and you can&#8217;t if they&#8217;re not, but to declare that anything sufficiently close to a &#8220;right to view, use, and display &#91;...&#93; an unlimited number of times&#8221; de facto consitutes a sale, and with it comes certain buyer&#8217;s rights regardless of what kinds of outrageous restrictions the licensor tries to bundle in the ToS. The fact that this also seems to be the right business response reinforces my belief that this is the correct path. This kind of a transaction is different from renting, which is by nature a temporary one. </p>
-<p><b>It is the right thing for society to declare that if you&#8217;ve bought something that isn&#8217;t time or use limited, you&#8217;ve therefore also bought the right to resell it, whether it&#8217;s a physical object or a license.</b></p>
-<p>Previously:</p>
-<p><a href="http://www.aquick.org/blog/2006/04/30/sony-cant-make-up-its-mind-if-music-is-sold-or-licensed/">http://www.aquick.org/blog/2006/04/30/sony-cant-make-up-its-mind-if-music-is-sold-or-licensed/</a></p>
-<p><a href="http://www.aquick.org/blog/2004/12/30/cory-rants-on-drm-and-rightly-so/">http://www.aquick.org/blog/2004/12/30/cory-rants-on-drm-and-rightly-so/</a></p>
-<p><em> Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/sony" rel="tag">sony</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/amazon" rel="tag"> amazon</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/kindle" rel="tag"> kindle</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gizmodo" rel="tag"> gizmodo</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/first+sale+doctrine" rel="tag"> first sale doctrine</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/digital+work" rel="tag"> digital work</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/content" rel="tag"> content</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/licensing" rel="tag"> licensing</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/purchase" rel="tag"> purchase</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/sale" rel="tag"> sale</a></em></p>
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diff --git a/planet/Adam_Fields/Cooking_at_home_is_different._aggregated b/planet/Adam_Fields/Cooking_at_home_is_different._aggregated
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-<p>There&#8217;s a bit of a debate going on about whether the lack of cooking at home is responsible for people eating unhealthily. Matt Yglesias has a piece arguing that cooking at home isn&#8217;t fundamentally different from restaurant cooking, and &#8220;If someone &#8211; Jamie Oliver, for example &#8211; devised an appealing mass-market food product that was better than Taco Bell on the taste/price/convenience dimension but also healthier, well that would be an excellent thing for the world.&#8221; Well, it sure would. It would be nice if someone could make a car that drives like a BMW but doesn&#8217;t use any gas and costs less than $1000 too.</p>
-<p><a href="http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2009/10/what-the-world-needs-from-its-celebrity-chefs.php">http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2009/10/what-the-world-needs-from-its-celebrity-chefs.php</a></p>
-<p>&#8220;Cooking yourself&#8221; is not the point. &#8220;Cooking at home&#8221; is. This is because home cooking is different from restaurant cooking, and yes, there is a fundamental difference between food you prepare for yourself and food prepared by other people, at least when the latter is in a commercial/restaurant context. Unless you have a private chef, food prepared for you by other people is food prepared for&#8230; whomever. This difference is largest at scale. Industrial food is the way it is because it&#8217;s designed to be made/prepared/&#8221;made&#8221; by people with no skill at cooking for a clientele who may show up at any time and want what they want, and when you do that, you lose all kinds of properties of the food that go into making it healthier. You lose varietal selection. You lose focus on balance. You lose accounting for individual tastes. You lose someone insisting that you eat your vegetables (both because they&#8217;re good for you and also because whoever cooked them put a lot of effort into making them for you). You lose incentive to not use cheaper ingredients (or at least you divorce yourself from that decision). You lose incentive to not use flavor boosters that are unhealthy. You lose the ability to make food on demand, so there&#8217;s incentive to use ingredients that will store better. Fine cuisine doesn&#8217;t fare much better, because it&#8217;s not optimized for health, but for flavor and pleasure. </p>
-<p>Healthy food has a lot of properties that are, I think, inherently unscalable. Saying that restaurants should offer cheap healthy options is not understanding the problem. Yes, cooking at home is a lot of work, and sometimes that takes away from the time you could be using to watch a movie or read a blog, but the benefits are immense, and they won&#8217;t realistically ever come out of a restaurant. Is that really such a bad thing? </p>
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-<p>Nasa:                                                                                                                      </p>
-<p><a href="http://www.nasaimages.org/index.html">http://www.nasaimages.org/index.html</a>                                                                                       </p>
-<p>Museum of Natural History:                                                                                                 </p>

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