For those of you who get your Irish history from the back of Lucky Charms, or who don't score so well in the "World Famous Rocks" category on Jeopardy, the Blarney Stone isn't a romantic charm that brings good luck or true love; it is far, far more valuable than a pot o' gold for Columbia students. If you kiss the Blarney Stone, you'll be blessed for seven years with the "gift of gad." For those of you who don't understand Irish, it means you'll have the ability to B.S. your way out of anything.

So first-years, no more fretting about what to say in Lit Hum for your participation grade! And better yet, no more hours of wracking the brain to write those convincing essays for Logic and Rhetoric. And if L&R is already behind you, you could always join the parliamentary debate team.

So far all this sounds like pretty good news Ü take a vacation to Ireland, kiss an old slimy rock, and come home with enough bull to get you through your grad school thesis. Unfortunately, the "gift of gad" might not be the only thing you come home with, if you return at all.

Kissing the Blarney Stone means climbing the corroding stone steps of Blarney Castle to its top, being lowered a few feet by a "very strong guard" (so they tell the tourists) off a ledge backward, and kissing the disgusting slab of limestone while hanging upside-down.

And just in case you don't plunge to your death while attempting this feat, there is a varied selection of infectious diseases that may try to immigrate to beautiful America with your help. A good candidate would be mononucleosis, aka "the kissing disease." But if you think you can take a little fatigue and no play for awhile (your significant other is sure to keep a distance), you may be setting yourself up for a good future Ü charm your way into the hearts of Americans in an upcoming Presidential Debate and rule the world, or be the most successful lawyer ever.