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From the Rock Issue (Sept 2000):
Fed - Counter Fed Two Tangentiallyy Related Articles About Wrestling and "The Rock" Satan Owns the WWF Alisha Adams In ancient Greece and Rome, wrestling was honored as both an art and a sport. It was a far more brutal sport (by our current standards) than wrestling is today, but wrestlers during that time were viewed as well-educated men as well as athletes. However, the sport eventually became corrupted and lost its revered status. How did this happen? The answer is simple: MONEY. Wealthy people came into the sport offering bribes to fix matches, and paid athletes to train all year-round. This brought an end to the practice of the rich forcing their slaves to compete in matches, but it also created the pro-athlete and discouraged the common man from competition. Greeks and Romans distorted the art of wrestling, so it was up to America (the savior of the world) to set things straight once and for all. So, what did we do with this golden opportunity to show how righteous we are? We made it worse. Athletic wrestling was pushed out of the public's minds, only to appear once every four years during the summer Olympics. Professional wrestling went the way of Vince McMahon and family (after buying the WWF from his dad) who turned professional wrestling into a machine of sorts, churning out one tall, intimidating, muscular, super-athlete clone after another. These men also turned the sport into a huge profit generator, raking in millions from merchandising and prostituting their "wrestlers". The pro-athletes even developed into characters with signature moves and, most trendy these days: catch phrases. The Rock is one pro wrestler with the most popular catch phrase, "If you SMELL what The Rock is Cookin'!" I decided to investigate this phenomenon, but ran into several dead ends and not one damn recipe. I have therefore concluded that The Rock is not actually "cookin'" a single thing, and that anyone who claims to have smelled what The Rock is "cookin'" is experiencing olfactory hallucinations. One would think that this was enough for Vince McMahon, but he had his sights set on a larger market: women. The introduction of women wrestlers entices more women to like the "sport", but with the addition of g-strings, breast implants, and stilettos, more men are likely to watch as well. This resulted in the creation of women wrestlers such as Chyna, Sable, and The Kat (whose claim to fame is being the first woman wrestler to go topless in the ring). These women of the WWF run around in the daylight preaching about family life and being excellent wives and mothers, but at night they parade scantily clad around a wrestling ring, ready to kick ass and take names. Where can wrestling go from here? Most likely, pro-wrestling will sink to even lower depths. Perhaps it will culminate with completely nude women wrestlers entering the ring, making life more difficult for those of us who (without surgical enhancements and a bottle of peroxide) cannot ever hope to compete with these women. As for athletic wrestling, it always experiences a sudden surge in popularity after the summer Olympics, but sinks to its previous low status after a few months. If you are hoping to live to see the day when the degradation of wrestling will cease, stop hoping. It may only end if people see pro-wrestling for the almost soft-core porn it has become. With the millions of fans it has now, and hundreds of converts materializing each day, the end is not near. Jesus Is Their Co-Pilot Matthew Kondratowicz Professional wrestling's current popularity is not a sign of the apocalypse. Yes, the WWF, WCW, ECW, and all the smaller promotions are violent, often sexist, sometimes racist, and entirely scripted. And it is not a sport. It is, instead, a sweaty testosterone fueled soap opera, complete with plot twists, somewhat complex characters, and a rich history that it constantly draws on. Wrestling has come a long way from the cheesy storylines of Hulk Hogan fighting for America. ("Taking your vitamins" has been replaced with Stone Cold throwing back a cold brew, and I for one am glad.) Watching two men in briefs pretend to beat each other gets boring rather quickly -- even homoeroticism has it limits in entertainment value -- which is something professional wrestling (particularly the WWF) picked up on several years ago and has since been developing elaborate plot-lines that focus on the story, peoples' emotions, and yes, the repercussions of their actions, and it is this that keeps viewers coming back. That and the chicks in thongs. The beer-swigging, mullet wearing, trailer-park wrestling fan is still out there, and a hell-of-a-lot-of-fun to hang out with during Raw Is War - damn those tator-tots wear good - but you now also see guys from the Law School leaving their little work dens Thursday nights for Smackdown. It may not be Shakespeare, but it is not very far removed from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. As an example, one of the major storyline in the WWF at the moment, ripped straight out of One Life to Live, is one wrestler (Triple H) tackling questions of infidelity by his "wife" (Stephanie McMahon, the real life daughter of the WWF owner) and struggling to keep her at his side as another wrestler (Kurt Angle) attempts to steal her from him. This is furthered through various physical confrontations between the two men, intertwined by each wrestler's history with other members of the WWF roster. What is important though is that this is a real-life situation brought into ring, but not settled there. The ultimate resolution of this conflict will come down to a choice by Stephanie, not some "Match for her love" or some other gimmick that might have been used ten years ago. This might not forgive the annual Thanksgiving gravy-bowl women's match (which is damn funny, by the way), but it does show how the cartoonish spectacle that is pro-wrestling has matured to focus on feelings as much as on steel chairs, and that is exactly why it has become so popular. Wrestling portrays characters doing what most of the audience wish they could do Ü whether it be kicking the crap out of your boss as Stone Cold Steve Austin did to Vince McMahon or living the suave, smooth talking life of The Rock. It also portrays the consequences for the characters' actions -- Stone Cold was "arrested" and Mankind (another WWF Wrestler) "fired". Still, these brave spandex clad steroid fueled warriors forge on, inspiring us all to Rock Bottom our Jabroni statistics professor and follow it up with an elbow off the top rope for giving a pop-quiz the second week of classes, or perhaps that is just me. Pro-Wrestling ends up portraying some sort of warped, exaggerated version of life, complete with its own folklore and system of justice. Ask yourself, is 25-to-life really any more valid than a steel-cage match? Sure the latter lacks due process, but a good body slam here and there can't hurt, much. |
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