Dear Fed Bitch,
My parents are driving me crazy! They call really early in the morning to ask me stupid questions, waking up both my roommate and me. They want to know every detail of my life not because they are concerned, but because they like to insult every decision I've made. One day I am partying too much, the next day I should stop studying and go meet people. I have begun to dread the phone ringing. I thought perhaps the easeless nagging would end, but I am a second year and it seems like there is no end in sight. Help!
-Frazzled in Furnald

Dear Frazzled,
If I was another advice columnist, I would tell you to stop whining, as there are many kids out there who lack such attentive, loving parents. But all the love in the world doesn't make up for getting woken up at seven a.m. after a late night in Lerner party space. What you have forgotten, Frazzled, is that it is not only their job to raise you but your job to raise them. It is up to you to cut the proverbial cord.

For many parents, sending a child off to college is like going through the terrible twos. They are annoying you to no end because you have failed to set effective limits. You must make it clear to them that when they step over a line, there will be consequences.

First, tell them when are acceptable times for them to call. If they still call too early, tell them in a firm tone that you cannot talk and hang up the phone. Turn off the ringer. They will be upset but inform them that you will call them twice a week when you want to talk to them.

When you finally have a phone conversation, a simple way to prevent the onset of nagging is to respond to each criticism with "thank you for the advice. I will take it under consideration." Then switch topics. Do not argue, as you cannot argue with irrational people. Their criticism stems not only from a desire to help, but a desire to reestablish the control they lost when you left the nest.

To loosen this control you must not only be firm, but give the impression that you are mature and responsible. So don't tell them about negatives in your life that give this impression. Keep the conversation upbeat. And whatever you do, do not sound mad. This will just encourage them to see you in a hostile manner. The goal of your plan of action is for your parents to view you as an adult who still loves them but does not need them. If you must, get a job so you are less dependent upon them for money.