Then again, maybe it doesn't. Before we get all preacher-like and start damning Said to Hades for his apparent overseas infraction of University Conduct Codes, let's be sure of his real intent. In truth, there's no real way that Said was serious about chucking that rock--or cell phone, or whatever that grainy object in his hand was. How can we know? Well, simple: his overhand form sucked.

According to Steve Moser, Knee-Hi League Baseball Coach practicing in Old Zionsville, PA, proper throwing technique results only from the crow-hop-and-over-the-top method. "Essentially," said Moser, "you've got to skip, step and throw if you want to get any real distance on that [thrown object]."

Said, by contrast, is planted like an arthritis sufferer on Thorazine. Put any corn fed fourth grader with an elementary little league background in Said's throwing spot, and the youngster would probably do a damn sight better. It's downright mean-spirited to believe that Said was trying his hardest there.

Further, to assume that Columbia's formerly most venerable professor has any knowledge of the art masterpieces memorized by tens of freshmen every year is to assume that he most definitely does know better. Remember Bernini's "David"? There's not one freshman who does not drop his art hum section without a vivid memory of the inherent passion involved in throwing rocks.

Columbia teaches us all how to do it right, and it's a good bet that Said has the requisite skillz. I mean, the man is a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! It says so in the Directory and everything!

Now, that Columbian in the picture below has some serious rage. He sees something he doesn't like, so he's taking action. Pah, no stylish outerwear for this intrepid soul, for he prefers clothing that allows him greater freedom of movement. That guy knows how to chuck stuff right.

As it turned out, Lerner Hospitality hauled the earnest young man away before he could give complete expression to his feelings, but the difference in the two mens' demeanors is still pretty stark.

I can only conclude that if Said really meant harm to that distant isolated wall, he wouldn't look as though he were hanging ten on an invisible ocean. He would have the look of the fury stare like any truly angry member of the Columbia community.

Good parents know that kids need care and love, lest they go and do silly things. Maybe if we all went to more of Said's lectures, we could have spared Alma Mater the brunt of this attention-getting embarrassment.

Sadly, it truly may be too late for him. It looks like the only way we can save our beloved university is to say more supportive things to our professors. Perhaps, "Excellent work with that Pythagorean proof, Prof. Jimmy," or "Prof. Billy, I really like what you've done here with that explication of the Maenad."