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From the Election Issue (Oct 2000):
Fed Bitch Goddess Ginger Gentile Dear Fed Bitch, The last two guys I've been out with have said that they will call, but they never did. I know that I am not the only woman to experience this. Are men by nature phone-a-phobic? The next guy I go out with, should I just call him? -Why The Hell Won't Someone Just Reach Out And Touch ME? Dear Touch Me, Yes, my broken hearted Touch Me, men do not like to express themselves verbally, over the phone included. Way back in the primitive cavepeople days, we women would talk to our children and make tribal decisions, while they would throw spears at stuff that moved (replace "spears" with "themselves" and you get a good description of male mating habits). If I left it at that, I would instruct you to pick up the phone and call them. But of course, there is more to this story than revisionist biology. The reason why they did not call you is not because the mere sight of the telephone caused them to turn to man-mush, but because these guys, for whatever reasons, DO NOT LIKE YOU. "How could someone possibly not like ME?" Well, there's your problem. Like most Columbia and Barnard girls, you probably showed up all dolled up, (signaling high maintenance), and talked about either your screwed-up family, (signaling emotional instability), or how great your life is, (signaling insecurity), all while not eating anything, because you think you are too fat, and wearing a sweater tied around your waist to cover your ass BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO FAT! The reasons why these men were not attracted to you are too numerous to go into here. Let me just say that if they did like you, not only would they call, but they would even spend hours tracking you down if they had lost your seven digits. So, do not pick up the phone and give your date a call. If a male love interest does not call you back within a week, tough shit, you're a loser, eat a pint of Haagen-Dazs and move on. Yet I can sense your frustration, Touch Me, stems not from rejection but from the false promise of approval. Why do men lie about future contact so often? At the end of a date an "I'll call you" allows for a graceful exit. Besides, they're just being polite so you don't start to cry and make your Urban Decay mascara run (boys really hate to make women cry, even if they don't like them). A man's offering to call you puts the ball in his court and allows him to exert some control over the situation. More importantly, it gives him the option of calling you at a future time if nothing better comes along. Before I get a bunch of letters from some irate "girl power" fanatics, just remember that throughout courtship rituals, it is the woman who ultimately exerts the control. We are the ones that receive propositions and can reject them on a whim. So remember, Touch Me, after you loose ten pounds and invest in some therapy, a man will probably call you. Hell, for your next date, hedge your bets and date someone in SEAS. But until that happens, do not sit by the phone. Go out and make your life exciting enough to be worthy of sharing. After all, it was probably your confusion of a Katie Holmes sighting for actually LIVING that got you into this mess in the first place. |
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