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From the Election Issue (Oct 2000):
THEY WATCH Who are They? They are Them: the Man, Corporate America, Starbucks & Co. They hang out with Jim Lehrer, They smile and kiss babies, but all the while They are looking for easy converts and victims. They are shrewd and They are well-endowed (financially) and They send out Their minions to roam amongst us. You must remember: to keep from turning into Them, you must be on They watch at all times!!! 1. How charming! Are those thighs sprouting from your shoulders or upper arms? Perhaps They're putting weird genetic messages in those wraps from Wien, cause all the fat I eat seems destined to make sure I'll never wear a tank top unselfconsciously again. Conclusion: Matronly Upper Arms = THEY! 2. Clearly spawned by Those so presumptuous They think I have time to read: "The absolute is absolute in its absoluteness." Obtuse Literary Theory = THEY! 3. Columbia's solution to campus publications' needs is a few computers with none of the software we asked for and a user policy that involves blood letting and seven sets of triplicate forms. Desktop Publishing Center = THEY! 4. The woman tatooed eyeliner on her face one day, received acupuncture for empty nest syndrome the next, and flew to Hawaii to go Scuba diving by herself on the third. My dad and I agree, My Mom = THEY! 5. Said said, "I am not a homograph." Sure. University professor = THEY! 6. You realize that it's not that all your classes have been moved or cancelled. It's just your watch turned itself back an hour and you never noticed. Maybe you stumbled into a worm hole on your way to class. Falling into pockets of time= THEY!
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