Sagittarius
Once I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept thinking how I'm gonna live without you by my side. Now when I think about it, you kinda smelt like cheese.

Capricorn
Inspire. Literally it means "to breathe into". That still doesn't justify your trying to make out with random people on the street and telling them you're a "muse" when they try to slap you. Get over yourself, Capricorn

Aquarius
Be careful in a delicate situation. Stop affectionately referring to your friend who got an abortion as "baby killer".

Pisces
You may be asked to step into a leadership role, so make the most of it by drawing from past experiences. However, it might be in your best interest to keep that story about "The Butt Olympics" between you and me.

Aries
This is a day of change, vision, and optimism. Unless you have brown hair. Then, it's a day of stasis, blindness, and severe death.

Taurus
"Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to get up in the morning. But once you get up and dust yourself off, you can see the sun coming over the horizon, and you realize that you can do anything you want with the day." That's what my mom used to say when she wanted me to do something. Here's what I did: nothing.

Gemini
A dull meal ends with a spectacular dessert. A slow shuffle breaks into a lively dance. The gray sky is blasted through with sunshine. Sometimes you feel like a nutƒ oh wait, where was I?

Cancer
Stepping out in the morning rain. I used to feel so uninspired. But you're the key to my piece of mind, Cancer. Cause you make me feel, yeah, you make me feel. You make me feel like a natural woman. (Are you busy tonight by the way?)

Leo
Just because a certain task comes naturally to you doesn't necessarily mean that it comes naturally to others. Don't be judgmental. Take time out of your schedule to explain to those retards the minutia they can't comprehend.

Virgo
Your work will prosper if you put a little pizzazz into it. Try wearing pasties.