Lack of knowledge regarding sexual anatomy and its uses
No. I didn't know what a merkin was. And it wasn't in the dictionary. And I was embarassed.

Posters of Luke Perry and the cast of 90210
"Oh, he's so dreamy." You know you loved that scar.

Dating someone for two days and dumping him/her without telling.
Maybe this still goes on. But I think people are allowed to get offended at that treatment in college. In middle school, those were the breaks.

Hanging out by the tree outside of school until 9p.m. everyday
"What do you do all day by that dead tree?" Your mom asked. "Nothin'," you replied. And it was true. But there was no way you were going home before sundown.

Pegging your pants
Middle school fashion. Arbitrary and specific. Why was it cool to fold and roll your pants so that you looked like a Dr. Seuss character? Why did everyone wear braided leather belts that flopped over your zipper like a turd? Perhaps it was a diversion. "I'm dressed so stupid you can hardly notice how ackward my prepubescent body is."

Only using one strap of your backpack
In ten years, we'll all probably have back problems. But there is no way you would be caught dead wearing both straps like a loser-until you got far enough from school that your back really started hurting and you were sure no one would see.

Friendship necklaces
Back then, you were defined by your best friend. That necklace was important. As was the inevitable recall. But sometimes two just ain't enough. "Look, all three of us are best friends." "Then why do I get stuck with the part that says ïes ien'?"

Writing your most precious secrets on the cover of your school books
Really, what better place is there to practice your signature and different variations of your future married name. Meghan Keane+ Peter Blair=love. Meghan Blair. Do you think this would work now? On a first date maybe? "So, what do you think? Hey, where are you going? We haven't even had dinner yet."

Middle school soap operas
Would it be possible to make it through the drudgery of middle school without complete upheaval amongst your friends at least once a week?

Being bored. With everything.
"No, Dad. I do not want to go roller-skating. That is so lame. Why don't we go for a carriage ride while we're at it? Try again big guy." Subcategory:
Getting away with being completely obnoxious. As you get older, it becomes difficult to hold onto friends. Especially when you are openly rude to them. In middle school, it was a prereq. It was very Machiavellian. In middle school it was better to be feared than admired. After all, he who was the meanest had the most friends.

Dodgeball
Too bad, really. That was a great sport.

Having no boobs
Being underdeveloped seemed pretty ok. Sure, there were those moments of intense despair in which you thought that you would never become a full fledged member of your sex, but there were at least three other friends that you could commiserate with. Now it's just not cool.

Torturing teachers
For some reason I feel like leaving a whoopee cushion on Professor Said's chair just might not work.