⁶But the man's curiosity was not satisfied, and when the LORD God came to him again, he said, "If you did not want me to know of "responsibility," why did you mention the word in the first place?" ⁷The LORD was angered greatly. "Are you still thinking about that? Just let it drop, for my sake!" ⁸So Adam did not mention the issue again, and his heart burned from the shame of ignorance, but he forgot about it soon afterwards. Adam forgot all of his problems quickly, for his attention span was short.

⁹When Adam had lived in the garden for several years, the LORD God looked at the man and saw that he was happy and complacent. ¹⁰And the LORD said, "Look at this man We have created. He knows only instant gratification, and is arrogant, for he does not appreciate what We have provided. Let Us place him in a horrible situation from which he may not escape, so that he may know pain and love Us more." ¹¹This was the logic the LORD God applied.

¹²So the LORD God took some clay from Adam's underutilized arts and crafts set, and made a windowless brick building in the center of the garden and divided the building into classrooms. Then He created desks, blackboards, hall monitors, gym class, and a three-mile row of tiny lockers. ¹³Because it was underfunded and dirty, it was called Garden of Eden Junior High School. ¹⁴Then the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall over the man, and he slept; then he took the man and made his hairstyle unfashionable and his body lanky and awkward. He bound the Adam's teeth with metal wires, and caused hair to grow from his face and body. ¹⁵And the hair was sporadic.

¹⁶After he had done these things, God called out to Adam and said, "Adam!" ¹⁷Adam said, "Here I am, O LORD." ¹⁸The LORD said, "Go to the school from the time you wake up in the morning until the time you are released. You will go five days a week for three years. On the sixth day, you may play video games, but the seventh day you shall spend writing papers. ¹⁹When you are at the school, you will encounter other people, like yourself. The people will be divided into subcultures. each subculture will have established a social structure based on principles that are arbitrary and ridiculous. on the second week of the month, These principles will change. Learn them well and abide by them, or else you will become isolated and your Friday afternoons will be filled with loneliness. ²⁰Also, you will receive each day a series of menial tasks to complete in your own time that shall be boring and pointless. Complete them, for if you do not, you will not be placed in the honors track and you will be poor and unhappy until the end of your days."

²¹The man did not want to do these things, but he knew better than to argue with the Lord, and so the next day he went to the school as the LORD had commanded. ²²At the school there were other peoples, and the women were bigger than Adam so that their breasts were at the same level as his eyes. ²³Adam wanted to touch them, but the opportunity did not come because the LORD had made him awkward in his social encounters.