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Oh yes. These are conversations before her death which,
after her death, I had to have with her in my mind. I
anticipate on the basis of the past what her position would be.
So you really re-create it, her position.
So in that sense she was still with you.
No question about it, and very valuable. In fact it
prevented the retreat in the face of a loss.
I think that you said, at the close of the last interview, that
you both knew she was going to go. Could you elaborate on your
feelings on both sides--your feelings as you recall them, and her
feelings as you sensed them?
I didn't have to sense them. We discussed it. Her feelings
were centered around the courage of this woman, as indicated by her
statement--her repeated statement: “Kenneth, we can't complain. We
have had an effective life, a constructive life. No one promised us
eternity.” She was a quietly courageous person. While she was
telling me, we can't complain, I was complaining inside. I guess one
of the things that I was most disturbed about was that she was
predeceasing me. I felt all along that she was the stronger of the
two, and would be better able to handle my loss than I, apparently,
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