The Philolexian Society
The Lion's Court
Columbia University
New York, NY 10027
Aberfoyle Springs, Ltd.
101 Old Brock Road
Aberfoyle, Ontario
Canada NIH 6H9
Dear Aberfoyle,
Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society,
Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving
the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted
to name your Aberfoyle Springs spring water the official Canadian
spring water of the Society. We have chosen your product in recognition
of the colossal efforts to which you have gone to bring your product
to our humble New York market.
On its label, your product proudly identifies itself as “imported
natural spring water.” Elsewhere on the label, it is also
mentioned that Aberfoyle Springs water is a “product of
Canada.” Considering the great distance from Ontario to
New York, and the narrow, tightly-patrolled border between Canada
and the United States, we suspect that only the best of Ontario’s
products find their way here. Furthermore, the monolithic bureaucracy
which has closely scrutinized all Canadian imports since the passage
of NAFTA must have made it a difficult and frustrating battle
for you to allow us to enjoy your product. We at Philo also face
constant struggle with our school’s entrenched bureaucracy
and thought that we should reward your similar efforts in that
regard by naming Aberfoyle our official Canadian spring water.
I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation,
which we hope you will deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society,
established in 1802 by associates of Alexander Hamilton, is Columbia's
oldest student organization and one of the oldest literary societies
in the country, it has never before seen fit to name an official
Canadian spring water. The undeniable kindred spirit between your
company and our society, manifest in Aberfoyle Springs, drove
us to break all precedent in this case. We hope it will also lead
to friendly contact between us in the future.
Sincerely,
Andrew Shiner
Nomenclaturist General