October 24, 2002
Twining and Company,
Ltd.
Greensboro, NC 27406
Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society,
Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving
the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted
to name Twinings English Breakfast Tea the official tea of the
society. We make this designation in recognition of the outstanding
contributions to American literature made by the promoters of
Twinings products. Few epithets so aptly characterize our society
as the description of your English Breakfast Tea, which reads:
"A full-bodied blend in the English style. An ideal 'wake-up'
tea."
The Philolexian Society has long striven to awaken the greater
university community to the majesty of intellectual debate, and
draws much inspiration from the hallowed traditions of Merry Olde
England. Verily, Philolexians represent a full-bodied brew of
highbrow culture; any scholarly congregation worth its tea leaves
demands a beverage as fine as Twinings English Breakfast Tea.
Like a good black tea, we Philolexians strive to protect the body
from the damage caused by harmful free radicals such as the ISO
and the Parliamentary Debate Society. While our cunning wits and
befuddling advertisements generally serve us well in this venture,
nothing could prove a finer companion in the crusade against such
infidels as a tea containing the flavonoid antioxidants so naturally
abundant in your invigorating and refreshing beverage.
I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation,
which we hope you will deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society,
established in 1802, is Columbia's oldest student organization,
and one of the oldest literary societies in the country, it has
never before seen fit to name an official tea. The undeniable
kindred spirit between your company and our society, manifest
in Twinings English Breakfast Tea, drove us to break all precedent
in this case. We hope that it will also facilitate friendly contact
between us in the future. I thank you for your patience and wish
you a pleasant fall.
Surgam,
Xan Nowakowski
Nomenclaturist General