The Philolexian Society
The Lion's Court
Columbia University
New York, NY 10027
October 10, 1997
America's Favorite Health Food Company
37 Hall Street
Brooklyn, NY 11205
Dear Company,
Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society,
Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving
the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted
to name your Food For Life All Fresh Yogurt Raisins the official
yogurt raisins of the society. We make this designation with great
joy but with some confusion arising from our prejudice that a
fresh raisin was no raisin at all but a grape. Yet, the existence
of your fresh raisins on the market clearly disproves our misconception,
and we Philolexians, who strive ever for the truth in our weekly
debates, stand humbly and happily corrected.
We are furthermore impressed by your company's deep understanding
of concepts which are fundamental to the existence of a society
like ours. Being participants in a rich tradition fighting ever
to come to grips with the blase of the modern high-tech world,
we have always valued the concept and practice of self-aggrandizement.
Yet none of our grandiose announcements and declarations could
ever compare with the laudable impudence you have displayed in
calling your company America's Favorite Health Food Company. Thanks
to you, we now realize that we are America's Favorite Literary-Debate
Society, and we return the favor by naming your yogurt raising
our society's official yogurt raisins.
I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation,
which we hope you will deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society,
established in 1802, is Columbia's oldest student organization,
and one of the oldest literary societies in the country, it has
never before seen fit to name an official yogurt raisin. The undeniable
kindred spirit between your company and our society, manifest
in Food For Life All Fresh Yogurt Raisins, drove us to break all
precedent in this case. We hope that it will also facilitate friendly
contact between us in the future. I thank you for your patience
and wish you a pleasant fall.
Sincerely,
Andrew Shiner
Nomenclaturist General