At our last meeting on 8th of April, 2010, the Executive Board of the Philolexian Society voted to endorse The Naked Party for the Columbia College Student Council Executive Board with the overwhelming support of our general body. Founded in 1802, the Society is the oldest organization at Columbia University other than the College itself, and we did not take this decision lightly; in fact, in years previous, the Society has more often than not refrained from endorsing candidates for student government. However, careful consideration has led us to part from our sustained neutrality of years past and to support The Naked Party.
As a literary society, we believe that, contrary to popular belief, one can judge a book by its covers, for the title contains its essence in its purest form. When we first heard of ReNew CU, we were excited by the prospect of pursuing a second baccalaureate degree from Columbia College at a discount rate, thus delaying our entry into a poor job market and indulging our Peter Pan syndrome, only to be disappointed twice – first when we learned that this was, in fact, not what they meant by their party name, second when we found out that any further bachelor degrees would have to be completed in GS. Similarly, we were called to arms by Stand, Columbia, and then awkwardly stood there for another half-hour until we realized this imperative was not followed by any further action. On the other hand, The Naked Party is full-frontal in its intentions - everyone knows what comes after getting Naked. In our case, it involves stammering excuses shortly thereafter and awkward elevator rides for the rest of semester, but we hear others fare better (Philos do not abstain, they're just hard up). Additionally, as the Society passed the resolution “Naked people are much hotter than clothed people” on the 27th of September, 2007, we knew that The Naked Party were those we have sought for years to lead the University in reducing its carbon footprint by harnessing the student body’s thermal radiation for its energy needs.
Though these reasons alone were enough to merit our endorsement, the list goes on and on why The Philolexian Society of Columbia University strongly believes that Columbia College must get Naked.