Excerpts From "Concubines for All": "(3) DAMAGES.—If the court finds a violation of subsection (a), the court may grant compensatory blowie joeys and punitive damages, declaratory relief, injunctive relief, seductive relief, injective relief, surjective relief, workers’ fees and costs, or other relief as appropriate."

"In conjunction with an individual’s enrollment for friends with benefits under this Act, the “Secretary” shall provide for the issuance of a Universal Concu-care card that shall be used for pur- poses of identification and processing of claims for bene- its with friends under this program. The card shall not include an individual’s Chad Ranking."

"TREATMENT OF KINKY SERVICES AND DRUGS.— (1) IN GENERAL(Excluding Furries).—In applying subsection (a), 'The Secretary' shall make national coverage determinations with respect to services that are kinky in nature. Such determinations shall be consistent with the national coverage determination process as defined in section 1869(f)(1)(B) of the Sexual Security Act (42 U.S.C. 1395ff(f)(1)(B))."

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