Dear Ms. Curtis,
Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society, Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted to name your Suave moisturizing conditioner the official moisturizing conditioner of the society. We make this designation in recognition of the outstanding contributions to American literature made by the author of the blurb found on Suave's bottle. It states, "Suave makes your hair so beautiful, there's no need to spend more."
We believe that the above statement represents an entirely new form of literary construction, which we would like to term a "semi-sequitur." You did not fall prey to the mindless beast of conventionality by finishing your Suave-makes-your-hair-so-beautiful declaration with a trite, forseeable conclusion like "it shines!" or "you'll look like a movie star." Rather, you brought into your second clause an entirely new idea, related to Suave's impliedly low price, especially as compared to competitors whose products might make our hair more beautiful than yours does. This new construction allows you to combine several different and ostensibly unrelated advertising ideas into a single sentence, and thus teaches us the lesson of brevity, which is one which some of us loquacious Philolexians need to learn.
I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation, which we hope you will deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society, established in 1802, is Columbia's oldest student organization, and one of the oldest literary societies in the country, it has never before seen fit to name an official moisturizing conditioner. The undeniable kindred spirit between your company and our society, manifest in Suave moisturizing conditioner, drove us to break all precedent in this case. We hope that it will also facilitate friendly contact between us in the future. I thank you for your patience and wish you a pleasant fall.