nomenclaturist general

Mr. X, esteemed Geezer and original Nomenclaturist General, explains about the Nomenclature committee:

"We Philolexians are an opportunistic bunch, so when we heard that some other student organization had gotten free toys from some company by naming that company their official toy company, we immediately decided that a committee should be formed to name the official "X" of the Philolexian Society every week. I volunteered (thus bringing upon myself the Philolexian nickname "Andy X"), and have served as Nomenclaturist General ever since. (Well, during my year in Japan I didn't realize that I still had the position, but upon my return our illustrious censor reprimanded me: "Mr. Shiner is reminded that he is not Mr. Shiner but Mr. X, and still bears all the attached duties and responsibilities.")"

The Nomenclaturist General position is usurpable, meaning that upon writing and presenting a Nomenclaturist Letter to the society you usurp the title of Nomenclaturist General from the previous letter writer, however, the next person to write and present such a letter steals the position away from you and so forth...

Here is the general format for a Nomenclaturist General Letter:

Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society, Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted to name X the official X of the society. We make this designation in recognition of the outstanding contributions to American literature made by those who have produced and used X.

X has long been a goal of the Philolexian Society. Our emphasis on X demands that X.

(Another paragraph waxing poetic about X)

I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation, which we hope you deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society, established in 1802, is Columbia's oldest student organization, and one of the oldest literary societies in the country, it has never before seen fit to name an official X. The undeniable kindred spirit between your company and our society, manifest in X, drove us to break all precedent in this case. We hope that it will also facilitate friendly contact between us in the future. I thank you for your patience and wish you a pleasant year.

Surgam,

[Name]
Nomenclaturist General

In the future we will also link past Nomenclaturist General letters to this page.

Letters

Letters of Miss Neville & Mr. Obradovic

• 2017/02/05 Grate: "The Elevated Grate on the East Side of the International Affairs Building, the Official Grate of the Society"

Letters of Mses. Neus

• 2011/22/04 Kangen Water.pdf: "Kangen Water, the Official Water of the Society"

Letters of Mr. Kruta

• 2011/21/04 Nomenclaturist - Bad Dragon.docx: "Bad Dragon, the Official Provider of Xeno- and Zoophilic Erotic Stimulation Devices of the Society"

Letters of Mses. Neus and Z.

• 2009/11/06: ?merkin world.pdf: "Merkin World, the Official Merkin Maker of the Society"

Letters of Messrs. Schmonz and Schwartz

• 2006/12/08: Nope, It's Soap!: "Nope, It's Soap!, the Official Ersatz Effluent of the Society"
• 2006/10/06: Accoutrements: "The Punching Rabbi, the Official Pugilist Clergyman of the Society"

Selected Letters of Mr. Schwartz

• 2005/09/22 Swords of Honor: "Generation 2 Maximilian Sword and Matching Dagger, the Official Broadsword and Accessory of the Society"

Selected Letters of Mr. Lukoff

• 2005/2/10 Cleaning Solutions Group: "Pure Vegetable Pan Coat, the Official No-Stick Cooking Spray of the Society"
• 2005/2/17 Eden Foods: "Edensoy Extra, the Official Soy Milk-in-a-Box of the Society"
• 2005/2/24 Annie's Homegrown: "Bunny Pasta With Yummy Cheese, the Official Macaroni and Cheese of the Society"
• S.C. Johnson and Son: "Shout Ultra Gel, the Official Laundry Stain Remover of the Society"

Selected Letters of Ms. Nowakwoski

• 2002/10/3 Nike: "Presto, the Official Running Shoe of the Society"
• 2002/10/16 L.A. Looks: "L.A. Looks, the Official Hair Gel of the Society"
• 2002/10/24 Twining: "English Breakfast Tea, the Official Tea of the Society"
• 2002/11/8 General Electric: "G.E. Reveal Bulbs, the Official Light Bulbs of the Society"
• 2002/12/5 Warner-Lambert Co: "Halls, the Official Cough Drops of the Society"
• 2003/2/6 Honda: "Asimo, the Official Humanoid Robot of the Society"
• 2003/2/20 Parmalat: Parmalat, the Official Milk-in-a-Box of the Society"
• 2003/3/6 Proctor and Gamble: "Vicks Vapor Rub, the Official Mentholated Ointment of the Society"

Selected Letters of Mr. X

• McDonald's: "Baked Apple Pie, the Official Baked Apple Pie of the Society"
• Aberfoyle Springs: "Canadian Spring Water, the Official Spring Water of the Society"
• Kellogg: "Cracklin' Oat Bran, the Official Breakfast Cereal of the Philolexian Society"
• Curtis: "Suave Moisturizing Conditioner, the Official Moisturizing Conditioner of the Society"
• America's Favorite Health Food Company: "Yogurt Raisins, the Official Raisins of the Society"
• Sanyo Foods: "Japanese Style Noodles, the Official Instant Noodles of the Society"
• Proctor and Gamble II: "Ivory Soap, the Official Soap of the Society"