Last evening, the general membership of the Philolexian Society, Columbia University's student organization dedicated to improving the rhetorical skills and literary awareness of its members, voted to name Parmalat the official milk-in-a-box of the society. We make this designation in recognition of the outstanding contributions to American literature made by the promoters of Parmalat products. With its high-octane blend of calcium, protein, and essential vitamins and minerals, Parmalat truly is "the best choice for your everyday use at home or away when refrigeration is not available."
Philolexians of all ages have long prided themselves on the ability to function on all cylinders even without the luxury of refrigeration technology. Milk-in-a-box, quite possibly the greatest innovation since the perennial sliced bread, could only aid in our continued success in this venture. And since the Milk Box safely maintains all the benefits of milk for your convenience and your use everywhere, never would we have to fear the souring of our proverbial dairy grapes
Because calcium, vitamins, protein, and minerals are essential in today's life, Parmalat milk-in-a-box seems the ultimate brain food for New York's intellectual elite. Every Philo's wit and wisdom stands to benefit from the nutrient deluge of each single eight fluid ounce serving. Your packaging states that Parmalat is perfect for the "dynamic lifestyle" of consumers; already our heads swim with visions of bringing Parmalat milk-in-a-box to such ruggedly outdoorsy events as the annual Croquet Tea. In hot sun, in sleet or in snow, Parmalat's patented box would hold fast to the spirit of fresh dairy goodness.
I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation, which we hope you will deem an honor. Though the Philolexian Society, established in 1802, is Columbia's oldest student organization, and one of the oldest literary societies in the country, it has never before seen fit to name an official milk-in-a-box. The undeniable kindred spirit between your company and our society, manifest in Parmalat milk, drove us to break all precedent in this case. We hope that it will also facilitate friendly contact between us in the future. I thank you for your patience and wish you a pleasant spring.