The Fed

columbia's other newspaper volume 16 • issue 1 • Orientation

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LETTERS TO THE NED-ITOR

Edward Ehrbar's article on the Protests in Washington DC in the last issue garnered so much praise that we had to give it its own section. Read 'em and weep

Hey, get the writer of this article an internship at Faux News, where his talents really belong.  Actually, his irrational, cynical, smear piece is proof that we’re succeeding!  Couldn’t you read the word "fear" between each line of his attack?  I won’t waste my time right now on a blow by blow rebuttal.  Suffice it to guess that he spent Spring Break in someplace like Cancun, and perhaps his authorship of this peace [sic] was very cathartic, assuaging discomfort he might have felt over his shallow existence.  Hope he finds peace.  Solidarity!

skatesnskis@*******

Mr. Ehrbar responds:
Hey, thanks for taking the time to think about my career and where it’s going.  That means a lot to me.  As for reading anything between the lines, I tried, but all I found was blank space.  Maybe you have some super x-ray vision that I don’t have.  If you do, more power to you, just don’t go trying to see through my pants.  As for Cancun, I’ve never been there, but I’d love to go.  Is that an offer?




This is some of the most pretentious blather I’ve heard... Constructive criticism and strategy is all good, but this ivey-league [sic] -ass seems to be doing nothing but inflating his refined ego.  His newspaper is called "Columbia’s Subversive Newspaper," as if anything truly subversive would call itself that.  [W]e can be constructive and positive, rather than looking down our noses at the un-enlightened.

Austin Abe

Mr. Ehrbar responds:
Well, Abe, you obviously haven’t been keeping up with Pretentious Blather Monthly, because if you had, you’d realize that mine isn’t that grand after all.  And thanks for saying I have a refined ego.  You have a cute ass.





Rob-

I’m really sorry that you didn’t get it.  Perhaps someday you’ll realize how much you missed out on by being distracted by superficialities.  And also, Rob, if you truly are interested in journalistic integrity, it would probably be a good idea to a) provide a little more information about the issues being presented, b) spell Ellipse correctly and c) be a little more careful about the chronology of the events, d) not sleep through the event about which you’re writing and perhaps even e) talk to a few of the people present before forming judgements [sic] concerning their motivations.

Gish
creepinginsanity@***********


Mr. Ehrbar responds:
Gish, you would be amazed at how much of my life I miss out on because of superficialities.  Anyway, my response to you is a) brush your teeth at least twice a day, b) my name’s not Rob and c) it’s really annoying when you put your advice in list form, d) do not name your children things like Gish and perhaps even e) for chrissakes, my name’s still not Rob.





Mr. E. Robert Ehrbar,

You, sir, are an ass.  Forget the inaccuracies of your pompous drivel.  Forget the fragmented, uninspired and insipid vision you obviously borrowed from someone else over a latte at Starbucks.  Forget the mealy mouthed and pointless whining that oozes from between every line of your poorly constructed dreck [sic].  Forget the fact that you, by your own admission, napped on the ellipse (not the eclipse - you dolt) while several thousand protesters were chained ... Forget the 117 innocent people who’re even now suffering beatings and sexual harassment at the hands of the armed thugs called the DC Police and US Marshals you tacitly support with your adolescent scribblings [sic].  Forget all this and you’re still an ass because we won!  We won!  You idiot!  You’re possibly the only one on the planet who can’t see it.  Or are you suffering... mainstream media... global movement... historic event... standing up... bullets or hangings... solidarity... Bolivia... Argentina... India... Mexico... billions... poverty... struggle... children... diseases... corporately-owned... propaganda... bending over backwards... restraint... class-action suit... non-violent protesters... motorcycle... and... his... learn... see... to... about... thought... sure... closed... food... puppets... are... weekend... not... totally... missing the point... voice... unfounded... find...  Do you remember hearing us singing that one or were you napping?

Sincerely,
John A. Zibell, Jr.

Mr. Ehrbar responds:
Mr. Zibell, if that is your real name, You, sir, are long-winded.  I tried to get through all of your letter, but had to stop at one point to take a nap.  You see, I like naps.  I like to do things that I like.  Gotta problem with that?  Now, to critique your critique: the repetition got a little tired, though you get points fro using your thesaurus.  However, I don’t think your English professor would appreciate disguising a propaganda rant as a critique.  Stop campaigning.  you should know by now that I don’t care.  Now get the hell of my lawn!