===
0686,
1
===

 

{686,1}

mai;N ;Gash kiyaa jo ;xa:t le udhar naamah-bar chalaa
ya((nii kih far:t-e shauq se jii bhii udhar chalaa

1) I swooned when, having taken the letter, the Messenger went that way
2) that is, from an excess of ardor even/also the inner-self went that way

 

Notes:

S. R. Faruqi:

The opening-verse is by way of introduction. The repetition of udhar is displeasing, and although this idea (that on the Messenger's taking the letter that way, one is caused to become unconscious) is new, it doesn't lodge itself in the heart.

But it's possible that this verse might have led Ghalib in the same direction:

G{46,4}

FWP:

SETS
MOTIFS == BEKHUDI; WRITING
NAMES == MESSENGER
TERMS

Note for meter fans: To me it seems that making the flexible le short in the first line is much more obtrusive and displeasing than the repetition of udhar . It's permissible no doubt, but it doesn't sound right. Probably that's because le is not a little postposition or particle of the kind that are readily shortened (like se in the second line) with no ill effects. Rather, it's a verb root (used as part of an adverbial phrase with kar deletion) and thus should be given a certain emphasis and weight. Consider jii and bhii in the second line-- how readily the second could be shortened, and how wrong it would feel if the first one were similarly treated.