The Fed

THEY WATCH
THEY WATCH

Who are They, you ask.  Well, lemme tell you.  They are Them: The Man, Corporate America, Business Casual, The Forces of Darkness, Mass Conformity Fraud-Confusion Networks.  They stalk through the night and the career fair, seeking converts and victims.  They suck your soul out through your eyeballs and replace it with stock options.  They want you to download Full House directly into your brain.  They do not wear swim diapers on their heads.  To keep from turning into Them, you must be on They Watch at all times.

Jar Jar Binks
The story that cried to be told?  Uh, more like the 100 million dollars that cried to be accrued.  And, how did this installment advance the plot?  Cringe through the racial stereotypes, snooze during the pd race, and plop down your 9 bucks: “Mesa gonna ruin the movie!” and Star Wars = THEY!

Long Island
The weird stories keep pouring in , and still no one can find it on a map.  I think I drove there by accident one time. The boys in dirty white hats, the quaint little gift shops, Dad’s Lexus swerving down a dark road on Saturday night, beer bottles wizzing past a pedestrian’s ears… Is it a real place, or a huge cultural symbol?  Do people go there, or do they become the dark dream because Long Island = THEY!

Nussbaum & Wu
Who, you may ask, needs a fancy bakery, expensive sushi, and French restaurants, and a shop that only sells cards, right outside their door?  Uh, The Man??? Isn’t this neighborhood filled with students; people with no substantive income?  So why did the cheap burrito joint get replaced by bar with $10 pitchers?  Last semester a car crashed through outstanding offender N&W’s front window; nevertheless, they had the audacity to put up a sidewalk café right in its path.  Someone thinks we’re all hopelessly bourgeois and made of Nerf, and I think I know who it is.  Gentrification of Morningside Heights = THEY!

The Beach
Relax on the sand.  Gaze at the ocean.  Meanwhile, The Man grinds his heel into your neck!  What a cheap diversion: all they had to do was set up a snack bar next to a parking lot, and you fell for it!  The Beach = THEY!

August 30, 1999