takin' your wallet and stealin' your girl since 1983 volume 15 • issue 3 • Horror

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Hi Kids!  If you’re going to be trick-or-treating door-to-door this year, make sure you follow these simple guidelines to ensure that you’ll have a safe and happy holiday!

If invited into a house for candy apples and cider,  make sure your host’s pants are ON before accepting  the invitation.

Always go with a buddy.  Make sure "Buddy" is smaller than yourself so you can easily partake of his candy after older kids have stolen yours.

Eat all of your partially opened candy before you get home and your parents can throw it away.

Realistic toy  guns can easily be confused for real  weapons in the dark.  To avoid confusion, take the real  thing.  At least you’ll get the first shot.

At some houses, families have begun giving out raisins as a healthy alternative to teeth rotting chocolate.  Show your appreciation by inserting one of these little boxes of nature’s candy in your patron’s trachea.

Older families have begun leaving monetary treats on their doorstep for treaters that come by.  Now, don’t take more than your share.  Five pennies a customer is plenty to take out at least one or two windows.  Leave the rest for other little kiddies to enjoy.

Remember to always beware of strangers with candy.  Especially those that answer their doors with the stuff.  Respond with a discreet kick to the shins.