The Fed

Marauding Interviewer: Y2K Madness!

Billy Q. Fakename, Erin Thompson, and Elana Schor

Hordes of millennium rats massing in the sewers. Students carrying bibles in Lit Hum frenzies. What does Columbia’s student body think of the pending apocalypse? Do they even care? Was it chilly today or what?


Jonathan Schwartz, CC ’03

We’d like to get your opinion on the rumors of ravaging hordes of millennium rats. I haven’t thought about it that much.

So, you’re totally unconcerned about the impending doom of our fair city? Well, I’m more concerned with the impending doom of the city’s welfare mothers who won’t get their checks when the city’s computers crash.
Actually, there’s a Psalm that tells of the Dragon that will be free on New Year’s... hold on... [calls friend in D.C., gets passage.] "Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven... he seized the dragon... and bound hint for a thousand years... after that he must be left out for a little while (Revelations 20.1-3)."

Fascinating. It was kind of chilly today, wasn’t it? Yes... definitely indicative of the Apocalypse


Lindsay Stephenson, CC ’03

Your opinion on the millenium rats? Well, I’m not going to fuckin’ be here. I haven’t really thought about it, though. They’ll probably take care of it before it reaches my small-assed town.

So, these rats are big-city oriented, then. I’d say so. These rats political publicity hounds.

Have you considered any other signs of the Apocalypse? Will Smith’s so-named "Willenium" album, for example? No.

Kind of chilly today, wasn’t it? [Horrified stare] Yeah.


Eric Hagemann, CC ’03

Millennium rats? Oh God! This is intimidating... Well, I try to be a good Christian and have no thought for tomorrow.

So you haven’t considered the many signs of the impending Apocalypse? Like Will Smith’s so-named Willenium album, for example? Well, I believe that the good people and the bad people will be separated on Judgment Day. Some will go up, and some will go down. Really, though, I’ll have to check my Star Trek companion. The universe is in the hands of Khan, so we’ll see.

Kind of chilly today, wasn’t it? [Giggles] Quite.

December 1, 1999